Guest guest Posted August 4, 1999 Report Share Posted August 4, 1999 > > Whenever your kids are out of control you can take comfort from the thought > that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating > heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to > them was: "Don't." > "Don't what?" Adam asked. > "Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied. > "Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden > Fruit!" > "No way!" > "WAY!" > "Don't eat that fruit!" said God. > "Why?" > "Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't > stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids > having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that > fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked. > > "Uh huh," Adam replied. > "Then why did you?" > "I dunno," Eve answered. > "She started it!" Adam said. > "Did not!" > "DID so!" > "DID NOT!" > Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve > should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set and it has > never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have > persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken > it, don't be too hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling His > children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? > ============================ ======================== > ======================= > An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. > She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream > at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she > will if required.... so get out of the car. > > The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran > like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the > back of the car and got into the drivers seat. Small problem, her key > wouldn't fit the ignition. > > Her car was identical and parked four/five spaces further down. She > loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The > sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with > laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white > males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad elderly white woman....no > charges were filed. > > Hell's Grannies strikes again! > ================================= ================================== > ========== > > Medical Bloopers > > During a prenatal class, the doctor discouraged the women from taking tub > baths during the last six weeks of pregnancy because of the risk of > slipping and falling. One of the mothers-to-be interrupted, "I haven't > taken a bath since I got pregnant. How would the baby breathe?" > > A nurse went into a patients room to empty the urinary catheter bag. She > went to get the measuring cup out of the bathroom in order to measure the > urine. When she picked up the cup, she started to laugh. She came out > of the bathroom and showed the patient the cup. A visitor had been drinking > out of it- it had lipstick marks on it. > > After a particularly frustrating day at the retirement home, an exhausted > doctor walked into the nurses station and threw his hands in the air > exclaiming, "I'm surrounded by INCONTINENCE!" > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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