From the Oracle...

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna.

 

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Actual epitaphs from gravestones ...

 

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies

Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young.

 

In a London, England cemetery:

Ann Mann

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

 

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

 

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising.

 

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

 

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

 

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of

my husband John Barnes

who died January 3, 1803

His comely young widow, aged 23, has

many qualifications of a good wife, and

yearns to be comforted.

(ed: guess they did not have personnal ads then)

 

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

 

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

I was somebody.

Who, is no business

Of yours.

 

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the

cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetry in

Tombtone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

 

In a Georgia cemetery:

"I told you I was sick!"

 

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art

In want of any

Dig 4 feet deep

And thou wilt find a Penny.

 

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her.

 

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June

- Jonathan Fiddle -

Went out of tune.

 

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds

like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

 

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone away

Owin' more

Than he could pay.

 

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life

Nov. 2, 1837

Aged 45 yrs.

Here lies one Wood

Enclosed in wood

One Wood

Within another.

The outer wood

Is very good:

We cannot praise

The other.

 

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod:

Pease shelled out and went to God.

 

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R.E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

 

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903--Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if

the car was on the way down. It was.

 

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

 

In a cemetary in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I,

As I am now, so shal you be,

Remember this and follow me.

 

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstome:

 

To follow you I'll not consent,

Until I know which way you went.

 

Hare Krishna --

 

your servant, Balarama Dasa