Grhastha Ashram!

[Guest guest]

Vik finally bloops.

 

Now he has to maintain himself and his good(?) wife. Sri being much

experienced in this, is called upon for helping out with crisis management.

 

Vik is now advised(?) by our good friend to take up north-european

distributership for Sri's latest project: "Heavenly Pipes Inc."

 

To impress upon the absolute necessity of seriously getting into this

project, Sri executes his master move. He hands out the following Modus

operandi of the project.

 

---------

Heavenly Pipes Inc.

Blooper's Boulevard,

Kali-sthan 666

email: pipeduppipelines (AT) pipe (DOT) pip

 

PIPE SPECIFICATIONS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic

centered around the hole.

 

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use

holes of different length than the pipe.

 

3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D.

(outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

 

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water,

steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

 

5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily

applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-

rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as

it will save a lot of time on the job site.

 

6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe"

clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long

pipe.

 

7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe"

painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire

length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe.

 

8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe"

painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

 

9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts

quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

 

10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to

specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong

way.

 

11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or

downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will

flow the wrong way.

 

12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but

do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one

pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.