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Mental Health Help Line

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TELEPHONE ANSWERING PROCEDURES

COUNTY MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE

 

 

Hello, This is the Mental Health Hotline!

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly

 

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you

 

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6

 

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want, so just

stay on the line until we can trace this call

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you

which number to press

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one

will answer

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