Soap Story

[Guest guest]

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London

hotel

and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the

London

Sunday Times.

 

*********************

Dear Maid,

 

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom

since I

have bought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened

little bars

from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower

soap dish.

They are in my way.

 

Thank You,

S. Berman

 

*********************

Dear Room 635,

 

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from

her day

off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you

requested. The 6

bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex

dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3

bars I left

today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps

daily. I

hope this is satisfactory.

 

Kathy, Relief Maid

 

*********************

 

Dear Maid,

 

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about

my note

to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room

this evening

I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine

cabinet. I

am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have bought my own

bath-size

Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They

are in my

way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

 

S. Berman

 

*********************

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps

which we are

instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way

on the

shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial

in the

medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3

complimentary soaps

which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new

check-ins and

which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let

me know

if I can be of further assistance.

 

Your regular maid,

Dotty

 

*********************

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you

called

him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I

have

assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies

for any past

inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I

can give

it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM.

 

Thank You,

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

 

*********************

 

Dear Miss Carmen,

 

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for

business at

7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6:00 PM. That's the reason I

called

Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr.

Kensedder

if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid

you assigned

me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another

3 bars of

hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3

bars on the

bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars

of soap.

Why are you doing this to me?

 

S. Berman

 

*********************

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

Your Maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your

room and

remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call

extension

1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM.

 

Thank You,

 

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

 

*********************

 

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

 

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room

including

my bath size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop

to bring me

4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

 

S. Berman

 

*********************

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I

cannot

understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are

instructed to

leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will

be rectified

immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

 

Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager

 

*********************

 

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

 

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last

night and

found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little >bars of Camay. I

want my one

damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in

here? All I

want is my bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

 

S. Berman

 

*********************

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then

you

complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I

personally

returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you

are

supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere

Bouquets.

Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so

she also

brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got

the idea

this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size

Ivory which I

left in your room.

 

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

 

*********************

 

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

 

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.

As of

today I posses:

* On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -- 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4

and 1

stack of 2.

* On the Kleenex dispenser -- 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3

* On the bedroom dresser -- 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4

hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4

* Inside the medicine cabinet -- 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack

of 2

* In the shower soap dish -- 6 Camay, very moist

* On the northeast corner of tub -- 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3

 

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are

neatly

piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4

have a

tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use

and will

make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item I have

purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel

vault in

order to avoid further misunderstandings.

 

S. Berman

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