Fighting Canaries

[Guest guest]

---------- Forwarded Message ----------

 

Letter COM:2823255 (62 lines)

Internet: Rafael Campos <rcamposm (AT) hotmail (DOT) com>

01-Dec-99 13:56 -0500

Balarama (das) LOK (Alachua, FL - USA) [6504]

Fighting Canaries

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Dear Balaram Prabhu,

 

PAMHO. AGTSP.

 

This a virus alert sent to me by a friend in Puerto Rico. Maybe you can

include it in the jokes forum on COM.

 

Ys,

 

Raghupati Prana dasa

 

VIRUS ALERT

 

If you receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it

immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

 

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it

will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It

demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It

reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses

subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to

play.

 

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your

ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your

phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus

will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your sodas.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting

company.

 

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be

honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will

replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while

dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and

billing the rendezvous to your Visa card.

 

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a

way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm

Disease and Tinea.

 

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to

passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which

grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

 

If the message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the

toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close

to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from

your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk

with whole milk.

 

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell

like dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and

terrifying to behold.

 

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few

signs of infection.

 

PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

 

____

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(Text COM:2823255) --------