From Basu Ghosh Prabhu

[Guest guest]

Fwd: Holiday Merger

 

Christmas and Chanukah to Merge.

 

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was

announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will

merge.

An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300

years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

 

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the

overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah

was becoming cost prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're

told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service

during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.

 

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping, maids a-milking and

elves being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement,

the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin,

thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of

translating "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will

be the more generic, "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is

believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast

merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one

of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred

years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and

cookies for Santa. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos

were finally declared to be Kosher.

 

All sides appeared happy about this. A spokesman for Christmas, Inc.,

declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might be in the works as well.

He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of

Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as

an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned,

he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then

closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of

"Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."