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Health: The slowest possible way to die.

 

Doctors may not say exactly what they mean...

 

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records

dictated by physicians. They were reprinted in a column written

by Dr. Richard Lederer for the Journal of Court Reporting.

 

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he

was feeling better.

 

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

 

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had

completely disappeared.

 

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me

in 1983.

 

* Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will

need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose

of him.

 

* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but

forgetful.

 

* The patient refused an autopsy.

 

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

 

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

 

* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignif-

icant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

 

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate

directions in early December.

 

* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her

original complaints.

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