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[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna.

 

~~~

 

 

"We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and

talk, and the next 15 telling them to shut up and sit down."

- Dear Abbey

 

 

~~~ And one day you'll sound just like him! ~~~

 

 

Dads, give yourself a point for every one of these you've actually said

to your kids!

 

Don't ask me, ask your mother. Close the door. Were you raised in a

barn? You didn't beat me. I let you win. Big boys don't cry. Don't

worry. It's only blood. Don't you know any normal boys? Now you

listen to ME, Buster! I'll play catch after I read the paper.

Coffee will stunt your growth. A little dirt never hurt anyone, just

wipe it off.. Get your elbows off the table. I told you, keep your

eye on the ball. Who said life was supposed to be fair. Always say

please and thank you. That way, you get more. If you forget, you'll

be grounded till the end of the world. You call that a haircut?

"Hey" is for horses. This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money? Don't give

me any of your lip, young lady. You call that noise "music"? We're

not lost. I'm just not sure where we are. No, we're not there yet.

Shake it off. It's only pain. When I was your age, I treated MY

father with respect. As long as you live under my roof, you'll live

by my rules. I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why. Do

what I say, not what I do. Sit up straight, knucklehead! So you

think you're smart , do you? What's so funny? Wipe that smile off

your face. Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat. If I've told

you once, I've told you a thousand times. C'mon, you throw like a

girl. You want something to do? I'll give you something to do. You

should visit more often. Your mother worries. This is your last

warning. Your mother worries. If you shake it more than three

times, you're playing with it. What are your intentions with my

daughter? I'd better get a good report, or you better head to

Mexico. I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What keeps

those jeans of yours from falling off? I'm not just talking to hear

my own voice! Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what

you see. What do you think I am, a bank? What part of NO don't you

understand? I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not

everybody elses father! You're not leaving my house dressed like

that! What will other parents think? Could those sleeves be any

longer? You look like a bag lady! Headache remedy: Put your head

through the window and the pain will be gone. Worrying about things

you can't change is like a rocking chair... it gives you something to

do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Hurt much? I didn't feel a

thing. I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here. If you're

gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough. Didn't your teacher learn you

anything?! You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor

guy. It's hard to be good, and easy to be bad. If you're going to

steal a car, at least make it a Cadillac (but don't call me asking

for bail.) I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't

see what I was saying. Men are like buses. Just wait on the corner

and another one will come along. Don't tell on anybody unless you

tell on yourself first. Hey, did you hear me talking to you? You

know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl. I'm not watching

television. I'm resting my eyes. Don't use that tone with me! Am

I talking to a brick wall? If I catch you doing that one more time,

I'll.. Act your age. Two wrongs do not make a right. Wipe your

feet! Enough is enough! Don't make me stop the car! What did I

just get finished telling you?

 

Hare Krishna --

 

your servant, Balarama Dasa