New Computer Terms

[Guest guest]

BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's

computer cost quite a bit."

 

BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time

bragging about your computer skills.

 

BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green

computer screen for more than 15 minutes.

Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after

they get your name on their mailing list.

 

CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to

avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.

 

COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you spend

too much time at the computer and not enough studying.

 

CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to

perform, as in "You $#% computer!"

 

DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer

keyboard for seven hours.

 

DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you

get a new computer.

 

ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer

showroom to "just look."

 

EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to house

your computer and all its peripherals.

 

FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half

hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in

30 minutes.

 

FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due

to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food

(see chips).

 

HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawn mowers, rakes and other heavy

equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting

your computer.

 

IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would

like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to

them again.

 

MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer

because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.

 

MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers,

this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who

always want to see your hall pass at school.

 

PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before

you hooked your computer up to it.

 

RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers after only

a week and a half.

 

TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really good

deals on hot computers.

 

WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally

erase a program that took you three days to set up.