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More Church Bulletin Board Bloopers

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Seen on Church Bulletin Boards (honest)

 

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies

are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

 

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.

Please use the back door.

 

Ushers will eat latecomers.

 

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical

accomplishment.

 

The Rev. spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

 

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing,

"Break Forth Into Joy."

 

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be

discontinued until further notice.

 

Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

 

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel

in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church

basement

on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are

due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the

piano, which as usual fell upon her.

 

A Song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

 

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

 

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

 

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

 

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary...

 

8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join

the choir.

 

Announcement from the Pulpit by the Associate Pastor:

"Please keep a close watch on your children as they play outside.

Several snakes have been seen around the edge of the woods... " (then

without skipping a beat) "Our Easter egg hunt is this Saturday here

at the church...!"

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