the nectar of family life

[Guest guest]

As a father of beautiful twin daughters who have been in my care now for 14

years and a married man who has been "spoiled" by intimate dealings with

"woman" as Srila Prabhupada once joked, I feel it necessary to try and help

clear up a few misunderstandings that are apparently shared by a small

number of men and women in ISKCON today.

 

The principle of equality between the sexes is to be understood purely from

the spiritual point of view. From the material point of view - no two men

are even equal! That is a fact. So if there is someone arguing that men and

women are equal from material point of view - then they are either ignorant

or arrogant. That is all.

 

Anyone who has actually raised girls from birth would never make such a

nonsensical assertion that boys and girls are materially equal. Any man who

actually protects and serves his wife would never accept that her material

nature - is the equal of his own! They are as different as night and day.

When studied honestly, and Srimad Bhagavatam and thus our Bhagavat culture

is reserved for "Purified men who are thoroughly HONEST" one has to admit

that woman as a rule is very much expert and indeed "intelligent" in matters

that are dedicated to arranging for immediate comfort in this material

world. The "tactics" of woman in this regard are legendary! But Bhagavatam

is clear on this point - the material world is not our home! We do not

belong here! We are pure spirit soul. We have no business setting down roots

here and making a comfortable home. The woman is by nature driven to

dedicate her herself to the the "illusory task" of pretending that we will

live happily ever after in this very very TEMPORARY WORLD! In these matters

woman is more than intelligent - she is brilliant! She so surpasses man in

this regard it isn't a contest! And it is only when man seeks to delight in

her company and swim in the bountiful praise and glorification which she is

so eager to shower upon him, does he also find meaning or purpose and indeed

pleasure in sharing her vision of a permanent home in this miserable and so

very temporary material world! From the hut to the skyscraper, for the most

part, all built by men, the primary inspiration is to be found to be woman!

That is a fact! Even the women of the most advanced culture in the world

-Vaisnava Culture - are more inclined to delay "full commitment" to Krsna

and His Representative, until they have their man - home - and children! So

whereas, a man upon hearing the instructions of the "sadhu" severs himself

from the idea of setting up a nest here in the land of death and disease and

destruction - a woman will seek to delay real surrender to the sadhu until

the end of life - arguing that it would be better if I set up "camp" here in

this miserable place and give birth to a few children and instruct THEM in

the spiritual science! So the essential difference between a man and a

woman, from the Bhagavat's perspective is that a MAN is capable of

immediately taking up the service of the senses of the Lord under the

direction of the Spiritual Master and and a woman is advised to "dovetail"

her senses, her naturally sensual nature, in the service of the Lord in the

safe and protected environment provided by the father, husband or son.

 

When a man takes up Krsna Consciousness from another culture, or is born

into it,he is advised by the Spiritual Master first , if possible, to pursue

lifelong brahmacari, avoiding the distractions and artificial necessities

that go hand and hand with "nesting" in family life. That is described by

the Spiritual Master as best! That is a fact. In doing so such a

"brahmacari" is available to pursue his devotional service "full time" and

more importantly he is at the "beck and call" of his savior, his Spiritual

Master! If such a position is not acceptable to a man then it is understood

that his intelligence is still covered to some degree and he is still not

yet convinced of the flickering and very temporary nature of this material

world. Nothing teaches him "reality from illusion" more rapidly and

completely than honest household life! That is a fact. So the Spiritual

Master will advise that he marry and go through the "school of hard knocks"

and simultaneously continue in his sadhana. Intimate association with a

"nester woman" is a CONCESSION for a foolish man who is not yet convinced of

the FUTILITY of trading a little bit of sex pleasure for a life of SLAVERY

as the provider for the wife and children. That's all! In Vrndavana in 1975,

His Divine Grace confirmed this fact on two separate occasions. Once he was

asked by one of my godbrothers "if marriage was a falldown"? He replied,

"What is the question of falldown - for a fallen fellow"! We all delighted

in his candor. Another time Srila Prabhupada stopped and commented about the

utter futility of life in this miserable material world, " We have traded

our natural position as Krsna's loving servants for life in this miserable

place. It is most embarrassing! We have come to this world for two reasons

only - TO PASS SEMEN AND STOOL"! Such comments may appear harsh and

exceedingly pessimistic. But they are delivered by the Spiritual Master

specifically for the purpose of "cutting" our attachment to this rotten

place. All of us recall Srila Prabhupada's converstation with Hayagriva

prabhu, recordedin the Lilamrta and elsewhere. Upon hearing from Srila

Prabhupada that Vaisnavagrhastas were expected to strictly follow the four

regulative principals and only share in sexual relations with their wife

once a month and only for the purpose of procreation, Hayagriva prabhu

responded "That's all! Well then it would seem better to just give it up!"

Srila Prabhupada replied, "Yes that is the whole idea!"

 

So man is advised to avoid marriage if at all possible - even though it is

understood that most men will still need to marry and go through the ordeal.

Indeed in the First Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, Srila Prabhupada writes that

for the society that wishes to create a congenial and spiritually advanced

atmosphere marriage for boys by 26 and girls by 16 is "compulsory"! However

woman in general is never advised to remain brahmacari or

brahmacarini(whatever). Indeed, in Vedic culture, Srila Prabhupada

emphasized that the duty of the father to arrange the marriage of the

daughter was so "compulsory" that if the daughter's marriage was not

arranged by puberty then the father was obliged to injest the daughters

first menstration! "Of course" he said, "they would not actually do, but the

point was made to emphasize the importants of early marriage"! Now we know

that there is no certainty for anything in Kali Yuga - marriage or

otherwise. Srila Prabhupada once said that "we were not specificly

interested in social reform but that society would naturally make social

adjustments as they became Krsna Conscious".

 

Any discussion as to the intelligence of woman, as compared to the

intelligence of a man, must be studied from this point. Generally woman is

considered less intelligent than man (even those who are attracted to Sri

Krsna's samkirtan movement) on account of her natural enthusiam for

"setting up camp" in the material world. This is reality. Men are initially

only willing to undergo the hassle of providing for and raising children on

account of the "Heavenly nectar of sex life". This is confirmed by the

Second Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam. For women it is more or less the same.

However because women can only enjoy this "Heavenly nectar" for about thirty

days and then unless they are not healthy, their enjoyment ends and they are

pregnant, they tend to include a far wider range of plans and dreams in

regards to the relationship with the husband. And each of these plans and

dreams is going to cost the husband dearly - in terms of time, work and most

importantly money! The romantic fantasy ends and the work begins! So genera

lly woman's mind hovers in the realm of PREYAS and a man's mind will hover

in the realm of SREYAS! Even materially - what to speak of spiritually!

 

Now there appears to be two very distinct points to the controversy. One is

the fact that some women and some men have an apparent problem with Srila

Prabhupada's teachings on all these matters. Indeed some of these

individuals, upon reading some of my comments above, would reject them as

being of a highly interpretive nature. One that is perhaps jaded by my own

personal perception of His Divine Grace and/or my own experiences in

household life - be they good or bad. Truth be told, however, I am only

repeating verbatim His Divine Grace and fortunate fool that I am, my

experiences as a maried man for the past 18 years as a husband( to the same

woman) and father to four sons and two daughters, has served to convince me

more now than ever, of the overwhelming enormity and clarity of each and

every Golden Nugget of Nectar that I find in Srila Prabhupada's writings and

the treasured memories of His Personal comments and statements that I was so

fortunate to hear! Many of the comments of His Divine Grace that I was

fortunately able to personally hear, loom large in my mind and confirm my

fallen and foolish nature. But I do not resent them! I do not try to adjust

them and I never, never, never, never, ever, ever REJECT THEM!

 

(Praghosh Prabhu--ACBSP)