FYI...

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately Nityodita Swami, aged 47 at present, will be leaving

sannyas... this is just for your information so that you'll be aware of the

situation.

 

dasbhas,

 

Basu Ghosh Das

 

P.S. Sometime ago I had sent him an article on how Catholic preist maintain

celebacy at a monestary near Chicago from the Chicago Tribune.

 

---------- Forwarded Message ----------

 

Letter COM:3566672 (10 lines)

Internet: Carlos A Ordonez <nityodita (AT) juno (DOT) com>

23-Sep-00 19:16

Basu Ghosh (das) ACBSP (Baroda - IN) [24199]

Comment: Text 36 by Basu Ghosh ACBSP

Attached: Change.doc (45056 bytes)

Re: Book translation permission...

---------------------------

Dear Basu Ghosh Prabhu, Pamho AgtSP I pray that you are well. Thanks for

the report from Russia! After years of battling struggling and denying my

own nature and predicament I have realized that I was stagnating

(internally) in the sannyasa ashram therefore I have to take the cure for

those who could not learn by hearing. Below is my letter, please share it

with whoever would find it relavant. I kind of remember you sending me

something about priests getting counseling for maintaining

celibacy................I am always enlivened by your feedback. Hoping to

hear from you soon. YS Nityodita dasa PS Radhanatha Swami left this

morning for Chicago!

(Text COM:3566672) --------

 

Here is the attached letter from Nityodita:

 

September 12, 2000

Dear Devotees, Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila

Prabhupada.

I am humbly writing you today to explain my situation. I joined ISKCON at

New Vrindavan in 1974, was first initiated by Srila Prabhupada in 1975 and

second initiated in 1976. For the first ten years of my devotional life I

was a "surrendered brahmacari" under the care of Kirtanananda Swami, my main

siksa guru. My services were gardening, construction of Prabhupada's Palace,

book distribution and collecting laxmi, selling paraphernalia. In 1981, I

became the part time personal secretary for Kirtanananda Swami accompanying

him on occasional excursions away from New Vrindavan to India, Pakistan and

Africa. In 1984, without ever discussing it with me he put me on the ISKCON

waiting list for sannyasa. I never took it seriously because I was not in

training for the duties of a sannyasa nor did he nor anyone ever asked me if

I wanted to take sannyasa or what the challenges of sannyasa life were.

One day in 1986, he called me into his room and declared that he was having

a big initiation in the temple the next day. He then began pressurizing me

to accept sannyasa along with several of my godbrothers who had already

agreed to. He explained that spiritual life was progressive and anyone over

30 should forget about marriage, it was too late. Since I was 33 and still a

brahmacari, naturally I should take sannyasa! I told him, "But I don't want

to take sannyasa, I'm not qualified." Pressuring me again to just surrender,

I firmly declined, knowing my own personal inclinations and weaknesses. I

also knew that my lack of training in preaching and never having undertaken

a disciplined study of Srila Prabhupada's books truly disqualified me for

such a responsibility. Then he threatened, "Either take sannyasa or get

married!" End of discussion.

Needless to say I was very bewildered by this instruction, being totally

unprepared for either ashram. With a saddened heart, I silently left his

room and took a long walk in the woods, sat down in a field of tall grass

and began to pray. Being under Kirtanananda Swami's care since the day I

joined, having a lot of faith in his guidance and being surrounded by

hundreds of godbrothers and godsisters whose mood was that he was a pure

devotee in touch with Supersoul, I knew no other shelter. Knowing that he

really wanted me to take sannyasa, I weighed the social and spiritual

consequences of disobeying him. Sincerely believing the preaching and

influenced by the mood of the time, "if you just surrender to your

authority, prabhu, everything will be all right", I accepted the vow of

sannyasa from Kirtanananda Swami the next day.

I take responsibility for that fateful decision, however I soon had serious

doubts and felt betrayed. In 1987 Kirtanananda Swami and New Vrindavan were

excommunicated from ISKCON and a couple of years later Kirtanananda Swami

began awarding sannyasa indiscriminately to dozens of unqualified men and

women. The whole affair became a farce and being outside of ISKCON loosened

the traditional safeguards of proper behavior, even for sannyasis. When

facts began to surface of Kirtanananda Swami's moral delinquency I wondered

if the person who gave me sannyasa could not maintain his vows, how could I?

Being thus weakened by a lack of spiritual conviction, I precariously toed

the line between renunciation and sense gratification for the next few years

as New Vrindavan drifted off into interfaith experimentation and

philosophical deviation.

In 1993 Kirtanananda Swami admitted to moral deviations and it became clear,

even to the New Vrindavan devotees, he could no longer have anything more to

do with the community. Thus I took the lead in transforming the community

back to a standard acceptable for readmittance back into ISKCON. In 1995,

those who had taken sannyasa from Kirtanananda Swami and wanted to serve in

ISKCON were requested to reconfirm their sannyasa with the ISKCON Sannyasa

Ministry. Some of them took that opportunity to change ashramas. Despite my

own serious misgivings, as the prominent leader of the New Vrindavan reform

group, I felt that if I did not reconfirm my sannyasa at that time, it would

make my service of bringing New Vrindavan back into ISKCON so much more

difficult than it already was. So on I went.

In 1996, I seriously considered adopting brahmacari cloth again so if I

decided to marry it would not be so noticeable. After consulting with some

godbrothers, I decided against that option. In 1998, I concluded that

according to my nature I was not suited to be a sannyasa and needed to make

a change. In dealing with my predicament, I took shelter of my senior

sannyasa godbrothers, H.H. Radhanatha Swami and H.H. Chandramauli Swami,

revealing my heart and doubts. In their friendship and love for me, they

advised me to strengthen my sadhana before I made any decision.

The last 2 years I have experienced very high moments serving Srila

Prabhupada as a sannyasi by enlivening devotees in different places around

the world. I have also experienced too many low moments under the influence

of material desire.

I now realize that I was much too young to accept a life long vow of

celibacy. A more thoughtful and spiritually advanced leader would have

seriously discussed with me how such a vow would alter my life. Such a

leader would have also led me to see my own conditioning, and never have

coerced me in that way. Unfortunately, like many, I had chosen to follow a

very immature and reckless leader and suffer as a result of his ill advice.

I would like to offer my most humble and sincere apologies to Srila

Prabhupada and all the devotees I have offended in my unsuccessful attempt

at renunciation on the level of a sannyasi.

It is interesting to note that Srila Prabhupada was quite disgusted by the

state of affairs in the sannyasa ashram right before he left. In Jan 1977 he

said, "There have been so many (sannyasis) fallen down. FIRST OF ALL THERE

WILL BE NO MORE SANNYASI ANYMORE. I have got very bad experience. AND AT

LEAST WE ARE NOT GOING TO CREATE NEW SANNYASIS. And those who have fallen

down, let them marry, live like respectable gentlemen. I have no objection".

If the gurus who were eager to create sannyasis or the young brahmacaris

were aware of Srila Prabhupada's strong statements in this regard, maybe the

status of ISKCON's renounced order would be different today! Fortunately,

ISKCON no longer allows young men to take sannyasa, one has to be over fifty

years of age.

Over the years I sincerely tried my best to perform the duties of my ashrama

and set a good example for the devotees. However, I have to admit I have not

gained the spiritual realization necessary to remain in the sannyasa ashram.

Nor have I been able to overcome my conditioning and the desire for sense

gratification that is not allowed for a sannyasi. This has caused me to

suffer great inner turmoil to the point of actually contemplating two very

unsavory but not unheard of options- namely suicide and blooping. Both of

those options have the benefit of not having to face the devotees and accept

the public humiliation of spiritual failure.

However, the more humbling choice is to continue to serve the Vaisnavas in a

more suitable ashrama. I believe I have been very much weakened by trying

to fight maya from the wrong position. Srila Prabhupada uses the example of

Gajendra the elephant, a land animal getting gradually weaker by fighting

the crocodile in the water.

"The soldiers in this Kanea consciousness movement must always possess

physical strength, enthusiasm and sensual power. To keep themselves fit,

they must therefore place themselves in a normal condition of life. What

constitutes a normal condition will not be the same for everyone, and

therefore there are divisions of vareacrama-brahmaea, knatriya, vaicya,

cudra, brahmacarya, gahastha, vanaprastha and sannyasa. Especially in this

age, Kali-yuga, it is advised that no one take sannyasa.

acvamedhaa gavalambhaa sannyasaa pala-paitakam

devareea sutotpattia kalau paica vivarjayet

[Cc. Adi 17.164] (Brahma-vaivarta Puraea)

>From this we can understand that in this age the sannyasa-acrama is

forbidden because people are not strong. Cre Caitanya Mahaprabhu showed us

an example in taking sannyasa at the age of twenty-four years, but even

Sarvabhauma Bhaooacarya advised Cre Caitanya Mahaprabhu to be extremely

careful because He had taken sannyasa at an early age. For preaching we give

young boys sannyasa, but actually it is being experienced that they are not

fit for sannyasa. There is no harm, however, if one thinks that he is unfit

for sannyasa; if he is very much agitated sexually, he should go to the

acrama where sex is allowed, namely the gahastha-acrama. That one has been

found to be very weak in one place does not mean that he should stop

fighting the crocodile of maya. One should take shelter of the lotus feet of

Kanea, as we shall see Gajendra do, and at the same time one can be a

gahastha if he is satisfied with sexual indulgence. There is no need to give

up the fight. Cre Caitanya Mahaprabhu therefore recommended, sthane sthitau

cruti-gataa tanu-van-manobhiu. One may stay in whichever acrama is suitable

for him; it is not essential that one take sannyasa. If one is sexually

agitated, he can enter the gahastha-acrama. But one must continue fighting.

For one who is not in a transcendental position, to take sannyasa

artificially is not a very great credit. If sannyasa is not suitable, one

may enter the gahastha-acrama and fight maya with great strength. But one

should not give up the fighting and go away." Srila Prabhupada Purport SB

8.2.31

Therefore, I am begging for the love and understanding of the Vaisnavas to

allow me to humbly serve them as a grhasta. I have decided that this is the

honest path for me. I have firm faith in the process of Krsna consciousness

and will dedicate the rest of my life as a servant of Srila Prabhupada and a

hard working servant of the New Vrindavan Community.

After trying to be a sannyasa for almost 15 years, I have gained the utmost

respect and admiration for those great souls who have been able to live a

life free from sex desire. Now it is time to admit to the world that I am

not one of them. I am sorry to let you down. Please do not kick me away.

Your fallen servant, Nityodita dasa

PS I have already consulted with selected senior New Vrindavan

devotees. For now, I will be keeping all my present community

responsibilities but I will be changing cloth in a few days. If any of you

would like to come and see me and talk about my change, I would be happy to

meet with you.