From the Oracle...

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna.

 

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(o o) ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST

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General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to

drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if

they did....

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

 

Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"

 

HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

 

Customer: "What's an ignition?"

 

HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and

turns over the engine."

 

Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all

these technical terms just to use my car?"

 

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

 

Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"

 

HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"

 

Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"

 

HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and

markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"

 

Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"

 

HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some

more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it

for you."

 

Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to

keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built

in!"

 

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

 

Customer: "Your cars suck!"

 

HelpLine: "What's wrong?"

 

Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"

 

HelpLine: "What were you doing?"

 

Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the

way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't

start now!

 

HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you

expect us to do about it?"

 

Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't

crash

any more!"

 

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

 

Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it

has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,

and

power door locks."

 

HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

 

Customer: "How do I work it?"

 

HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

 

Customer: "Do I know how to what?"

 

HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

 

Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

 

 

Hare Krishna --

 

your servant, Balarama Dasa