Guest guest Posted April 7, 2000 Report Share Posted April 7, 2000 ----- > >> The Complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia ** >> >> >> Sardarji is buying a TV. >> "Do you have color TVs?" >> "Sure." >> "Give me a green one, please." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" >> Just a sec," says the rep. >> Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. >> >> >> *************** >> >> EMPLOYMENT.. >> >> Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. >> He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. >> Then he came to the column "Salary Expected": >> He was not sure as to what to be filled there. >> After much thought he wrote : Yes >> >> * * * * * * >> >> CROCODILE BOOTS.. >> >> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair >> of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. >> Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and >> watch >> him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and >> angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!" >> >> >> * * * * * * >> >> A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, >> "What is that shiny object?" >> The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." >> The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" >> The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things >> cold." >> The sardar says, "I'll take it!" >> The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss >> sees >> him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" >> He said, "It's a thermos flask." >> The boss then says, "What does it do?" >> He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." >> The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" >> The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> >> A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home >> somewhere >> in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting >> complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" >> >> * * * * * * >> >> What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? >> He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !! >> >> * * * * * * >> >> What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white >> sheet of paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..) >> He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!! >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were >> planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, >> "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" >> That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, >> "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would >> be a >> state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." >> All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd >> did >> not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. >> The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD >> HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????" >> >> ============================================= >> >> Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a >> bargain. >> "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. >> "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. >> He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair >> style, and returned to tell the salesman >> "I would like to buy this TV." >> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. >> "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a >> complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big >> sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the >> salesman. >> "I would like to buy this TV." >> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. >> Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" >> "Because that's a microwave," he replied. >> >> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * >> >> Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? >> Because below 18 was not allowed. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Why do Sardars work seven days a week? >> So you don't have to re-train them on Monday. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? >> They always forget the recipe. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? >> He threw it off a cliff. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? >> Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!). >> >> * * * * * * >> >> What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? >> Just-one Singh. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? >> They think their picture is being taken. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? >> It has a stamp on it. >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Why can't Sardar dial 911? >> They can not find the eleven on the phone >> >> * * * * * * >> >> "Oh, look at the dead bird." >> Sardar looked skyward and said >> "Where, Where? >> >> * * * * * * >> >> TO LOSE WEIGHT.. >> >> The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 >> days, >> he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the >> doctor >> to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the >> problem?" asked the doctor. >> "I'm 2400kms from home." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> sardarji goes to the cinema to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs >> start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him >> "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinima hi to hai" >> Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki >> cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata " >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes >> along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks >> "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train >> late >> aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the >> guy >> sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the >> station >> arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, >> the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, >> the >> barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the >> Sardarji >> was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, >> and >> suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. >> Said his wife >> "What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 >> rupees and woken up someone else" >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees >> and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is >> missing; what are you thanking God for?" >> The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it >> that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have >> been >> missing too." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth >> certificate >> "Mother: Sikh. >> Father: Sikh. >> Kid: Chinese." >> "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" >> " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th >> person born on the Earth now is a Chinese." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower >> when >> someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. >> Sardarji says "Yes". >> "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." >> The man took the thousand and disappeared. >> Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a >> ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same >> street >> and the same man asks him to buy the clock. >> "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives >> him >> the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go >> get a >> ladder." >> >> * * * * * * >> >> DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE.... >> >> Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. >> They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow >> managed to >> get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a >> while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see >> friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition >> clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. >> He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin'on? Why are you so >> scared >> ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? >> Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*" >> >> * * * * * * >> >> Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The >> doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was >> ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone >> I >> accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." >> " Oh dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to >> your >> other ear?" >> "The scoundrel called back." >> >> * * * * > (Text COM:3116568) -------- (Text COM:3139325) -------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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