FW: Help desk hell

[Guest guest]

>

>

>

> > The scary part is that there are people in the world who are like this!

> >

> >

> > Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

> > Customer: "Ok."

> > Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

> > Customer: "No."

> > Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

> > Customer: "No."

> > Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this

> > point?"

> > Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

> >

> > At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the

> tech

> > support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling

> > when I got back to the call.

> >

> > Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

> > Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the

> batteries

> > in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of

> > the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn

> > thing, and I'm not going to read the book."

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still

> getting

> > the same error

> > message."

> > Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

> > Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

> > Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

> > Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

> > Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

> > Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

> > Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

> > Customer: "What?"

> > Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

> > Customer "No..."

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you

> see

> > the 'OK' button

> > displayed?"

> > Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

> > Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

> > Customer: "I can't open the box."

> > Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go

> > from there."

> > Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a

> > fairly old computer,

> > and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."

> > Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A: \ and

> type

> > 'dir'."

> > Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

> > Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL'

> > again."

> > Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

> > Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help

> > but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting

> the

> > Enter key?"

> > Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command

> or

> > file name'."

> > Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing

> > I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

> > Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the

> 'M'

> > key...does that

> > matter?

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They

> > give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the

> > computer's asset barcode, or using the number beneath the bars.

> > Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

> > Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an

> > outage."

> > Customer: "What is that?"

> > Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

> > Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> >

> > And the best for last!!!!

> > Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk,

> and

> > now my A: drive

> > won't work."

> > Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

> > Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in

> my

> > drive, now it

> > won't work at all."

> > Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages

> > did you get?"

> > Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the

> > drive and wouldn't

> > come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't

> work

> > either."

> > Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

> > Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it

> > wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

> > Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

> > Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a

> > turkey baster and

> > put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose.

> Then

> > I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send

> > me a disk that was broke and defective."

> > Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:

> > drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

> > At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the

> > other techs to listen in.

> > Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat

> what

> > you just said?"

> > Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk

> out,

> > then I had to use

> > pliers to pull it out."

> > Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out

> when

> > the disk was in

> > the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

> >

> > Silence.

> >

> > Tech Support: "Sir?"

> > Customer: "Yes."

> > Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

> > Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am

> going

> > to sue you for breaking my computer?"

> > Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our

> company

> > because you

> > put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent

> you,

> > didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's

> > manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour

> > butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

> > Customer: "Ummmm."

> > Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do

> record

> > every call and

> > have it on tape?"

> > Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

> > Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you.

> > Have a nice day."

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