Fw: The Difference Between...

[Guest guest]

>

> > >

> > >

> > > The Difference Between a Man and a Woman . . .

> > >

> > >Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman

> > >named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts;

> > >they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he

> > >asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy

> > >themselves. They continue to see each other regularly,

> > >and after a while neither one of them is seeing

> > >anybody else.

> > >

> > >And then, one evening when they're driving home, a

> > >thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really

> > >thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as

> > >of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly

> > >six months?"

> > >

> > >And then there is silence in the car. . .

> > >

> > >To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She

> > >thinks to herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him

> > >that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by

> > >our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push

> > >him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want,

> > >or isn't sure of.

> > >

> > >And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

> > >

> > >And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I

> > >want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I

> > >wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to

> > >think about whether I really want us to keep going the

> > >way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where

> > >are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each

> > >other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward

> > >marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together?

> > >Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really

> > >even know this person?

> > >

> > >And Roger is thinking:...so that means it was...let's

> > >see...February when we started going out, which was

> > >right after I had the car at the dealer's, which

> > >means... lemma check the odometer... Whoa! I am way

> > >overdue for an oil change here.

> > >

> > >And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on

> > >his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong.

> > >Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more

> > >intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even

> > >before I sensed it-that I was feeling some

> > >reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so

> > >reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's

> > >afraid of being rejected.

> > >

> > >And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at

> > >the transmission again. I don't care what those morons

> > >say, it's still not shifting right. And they better

> > >not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.

> > >What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing

> > >is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those

> > >incompetent thieves $600.

> > >

> > >And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame

> > >him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him

> > >through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm

> > >just not sure.

> > >

> > >And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only

> > >a 90-day warranty...scumbags.

> > >

> > >And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic,

> > >waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white

> > >horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good

> > >person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly

> > >do care about, a person who seems to truly care about

> > >me. A person who is in pain because of my

> > >self-centered, school girl romantic fantasy.

> > >

> > >And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty?

> > >I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty

> > >and stick it right up their. . .

> > >

> > >"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

 

> > >"What?" says Roger, startled.

> > >

> > >"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says,

> > >her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should

> > >never have...Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down,

> > >sobbing.)

> > >

> > >What?" says Roger.

> > >

> > >"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know

> > >there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly.

> > >There's no knight, and there's no horse."

> > >

> > >"There's no horse?" says Roger.

> > >

> > >"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

> > >

> > >"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct

> > >answer.

> > >

> > >"It's just that . . . it's that I . . . I need

> > >some time," Elaine says.

> > >

> > >(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as

> > >fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response.

> > >Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might

> > >work.)

> > >

> > >"Yes," he says.

> > >

> > >(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger,

> > >do you really feel that way?" she says.

> > >

> > >"What way?" says Roger.

> > >

> > >"That way about time," says Elaine.

> > >

> > >"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

> > >

> > >(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his

> > >eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what

> > >she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.

> > >At last she speaks.)

> > >

> > >"Thank you, Roger," she says."

> > >

> > >"Thank you," says Roger.

> > >

> > >Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a

> > >conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

> > >

> > >Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of

> > >Chips, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes

> > >deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between

> > >two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice

> > >in the far recesses of his mind tells him that

> > >something major was going on back there in the car,

> > >but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever

> > >understand what, and so he figures it's better if he

> > >doesn't think about it.

> > >

> > >The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or

> > >perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this

> > >situation for six straight hours. In painstaking

> > >detail, they will analyze everything she said and

> > >everything he said, going over it time and time again,

> > >exploring every word, expression, and gesture for

> > >nuances of meaning, considering every possible

> > >ramification.

> > >

> > >They will continue to discuss this subject, off and

> > >on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any

> > >definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it,

> > >either.

> > >

> > >Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day

> > >with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause

> > >just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine

> > >ever own a horse?"

> > >

> > >And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the difference

> > >between men and women.