Product labeling -- from the Oracle

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna --

 

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(o o) ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST

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Actual label instructions on consumer products:

 

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -

NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

 

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -

REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY

BEHIND YOU.

 

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -

USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

 

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink

AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

 

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -

THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

 

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -

TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO

WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.

(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

 

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful

haemorrhoids

LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO

THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL

DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5

MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

 

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles

OPEN OTHER END.

 

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -

WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST

CEREAL?

 

10. On a Sears hairdryer -

DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

 

11. On a bag of Fritos -

YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.

DETAILS INSIDE.

 

12. On a bar of Dial soap -

DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

 

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom

of the box)-

DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

 

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -

PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

 

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -

WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

 

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -

FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

 

17. On a Japanese food processor -

NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

 

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -

WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

 

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts

INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

 

20. On a Swedish chainsaw -

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR

HANDS.

 

21. On a child's superman costume -

WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

 

22. On some frozen dinners

SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

 

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box

FITS ONE HEAD.

 

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron

DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

 

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine

DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

 

26. On Nytol sleep aid

WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

 

Hare Krishna

 

ys, Balarama Dasa