Noah 2K

[Guest guest]

>

> It is the year 2000 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks

> to

> Noah and says, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole

> earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the

> righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.

> Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

> In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

> Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

> "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything

> aboard in one year."

> Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the

> seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his

front

> yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted, "where is the Ark?"

> "Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big

> problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did

> not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the

> plans.

> Then I got into a fight with OOHS over whether or not the Ark needed a fire

> sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected,

> claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front

> yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had

> problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting

> trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest

> Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and

> Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

> The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a

> settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the

> Ark, but still no owls.

> When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights

> group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not

> complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your

> proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no

> jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

> Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood

> plane. I sent them a globe.

> Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal

> Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by

not

> taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

> The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in

> preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

> I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of use tax and

> failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."

> Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further

> construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is

> a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I

> can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.

> A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are

> not going to destroy the earth,> > Lord?"

> "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."