geez some of these are corny :)

[Guest guest]

>

> Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the

> craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and

> heat it too.

>

> Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became

> a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never

> amounted to much. The second one, naturally, was known as the lesser of two

> weevils.

>

> It gets worse . . .

>

> A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to the

> bar and announced "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw,"

>

> Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during

> root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

>

> A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the

> lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the

> manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they

> asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts

> boasting in an open foyer,"

>

> A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns,

> in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun

> in ten did.

>

> And worse . . .

>

> A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a

> family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain;

> they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his

> mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she

> also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded, "But they are twins-if

> you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

>

> The piece de resistance . . .

>

> Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small

> florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from

> the "men of God," the rival florist across town thought the competition was

> unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went

> back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother

> to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too. So the

> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the toughest and most vicious thug in

> town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their

> store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did

> so, thereby proving (Brace yourself) That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent

> florist friars.