Scottish joke and others

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Scottish joke

One Scottish lady goes on vacation on the Côte d'Azur in the south of

France, but it just keeps raining for the whole week she's there. So she

telegraphs her husband:

- It's raining non-stop. Impossible to go out. Stop.

Her husband replies to her right away the next morning:

- Come back. Rain cheaper up here. Stop

 

Learning problems.

Fred is a child in primary school, and his parents are very upset with him

because he refuses stubbornly to read the letter A.

- But, it's not difficult, Fred. Come on, say :A

-No, I refuse! I know them, for sure. Once they succeed in making me say: A,

they will want me to say: B, then :C...and I'll never see the end of it all.

 

Political parties:

Two members of Parliament, belonging to opposite parties, relax for a while

together; one says to the other:

- Wherever I go, I always think of my political party; for exemple when I

take a taxi, I leave a nice tip to the driver and I add: Vote for the

democrats.

- As far as I am concerned, replies his opponent, I'm also always thinking

of my political party, but it costs me nothing at all. I don't leave any tip

to the taxi driver and I also tell him: Vote for the democrats.

 

Counting sheep

While vacationing in the mountains in the center of France, a tourist asks

an old shepherd:

- How many sheep do you have?

- 134, says the shepherd without hesitation

- And how old are you?

- I just don't know exactly, maybe 60, maybe 65.....

- Please, tell me, replies the smiling tourist, why do you count your sheep

so carefully, and not the number of years you have?

- My good sir, it's very simple, up until now, nobody tried to steal my

years.

 

Eternal snows

Marius comes back home after having spent a few days in the mountains.

- Hey, did you see the eternal snows there, asks his friend Olive?

- Of course not, stupid one, it was not the season yet.

 

Cemetery

A man is taking his wife to be buried in the cemetery, and he looks very

jolly. A member of his family noticed it and could not refrain from asking

him:

- Come on, I just don't understand how you can be so happy on a day like

today!

- I just can't help it, dear, it's the first time we go out together without

arguing.

 

Hollywood

- Darling, says a Hollywood starlett to her best friend, I'm really sorry I

won't be able to attend your wedding next week, I'm so sorry. I have to go

to Europe to shoot a film.

- Oh, it's really a pity!

- But don't worry, darling, I promise you to attend the next ones.

 

Short story

The teacher asks his students to write a short story, full of suspense.

Little David thinks it over for a minute and writes: Mommy, help!

 

Eyes

A mother accompanies her daughter to the doctor:

- My daughter is just unable to close her eyes since this morning.

The doctor examines the girl who has a large grim from ear to ear, and says:

- It's nothing serious, mam. You simply have to make her hair braids a

little more loose next time...

 

Table manners

Julie! exclaimed her grand mother, how can you talk with your mouth full?

And Julie replies very sweetly:

- Try it, grandma. You'll see, it's just a question of training.