More Belgian jokes

[Guest guest]

About the Belgian people:

Yes, people make fun of each other particularities: French people present

Belgium people as slow and dull, Scotish as stingy, Jews as greedy, etc. It

does not mean that this is especially true for everybody, but of course

there is always some truth in it. I don't know how the French are portrayed

in foreign jokes. The other day I saw an enire book about all the misogynist

jokes (those who hate women or consider them stupid and inferiors): sad to

say this kind of mentality is wide spread in the world. No wonder there is

so much abuse and neglect.

 

At the psychoanalyst:

A Belgian person goes to the psychoanalyst. As he is lying on the famous

couch, he tells the doctor:

- Doctor, every night I have the same dream. I am in front of a large door;

I push it, I push it, I push it harder and harder, and it never opens.

- Well, what is written on this door?

- Pull the door.

 

Funeral:

Two Belgians are looking at a funeral passing by; they see a hearse followed

by many black cars.

One asks the other:

- According to you, in which one is the dead?

The other one responds:

- I think it's the one in the front car.

 

Lost objects:

When a Belgian returns home, his wife tells him:

- I don't know what to do, I put in the thermometer, and then I sat down, it

went inside!

Her husband replies:

- Oh, don't worry about it, thermometers don't cost that much.

 

Jumping:

One Dutch and a Belgian are sitting in a bar, watching the evening news.

They see a woman ready to jump from the 6th floor, shouting "I'm going to

jump, I'm going to jump!".

One of them says: - I bet she's gonna jump

The Belgian one: - And I bet she won't.

So they bet and the woman jumps. Then the Dutch tells the Belgian:

- I have to confess that I cheated, as I already saw it on the 1pm news.

- Me too, says the Belgian, I saw it on the 1 pm news already. But I did not

think that she would be stupid enough to jump twice.

 

Gun:

One Belgian shows his newly bought gun to his friend:

- Look at my new hunting gun!

- Yes, it looks good, but you have to be very careful, these things are

dangerous.

- I would like to try it. Do you mind standing in front of it?

- You're crazy, I'm not going to do that!

- Don't worry, I'm not gonna shoot hard.

 

Caviar:

A Belgian went to eat in a fancy restaurant. After the meal the waiter asks

him:

- Was everything all right? Are you satisfied?

- Yes, I'm happy. But tell me please, what you served me first, how do you

call these lentils?

- Oh, it's caviar!

- They really smell like fish, your lentils!