Irish declare war on Saddam Hussien

[Guest guest]

NEW IRISH ARMY

 

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who

to invade when his telephone rang.

 

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily Irish accented voice says.

"This is Paddy, down in County Kildare, Ireland. I am ringing to

inform you that we are officially declaring war on

you!!"

 

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "this is indeed

important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

 

"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments'

calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next

door neighbor Gerry and the entire dominoes team from

the park - that makes 8!"

 

Saddam sighs. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1

million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

 

"Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

 

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back.

"Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have

managed to acquire some equipment!"

 

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam

asks.

"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and

Murphy's tractor from the farm."

 

Once more Saddam sighs. "I must tell you, Paddy, that

I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored

personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half

million since we last spoke."

 

"Begorra!" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

 

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.

"Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have

managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified out

Ted's ultra light with a couple of rifles in the

cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

 

Saddam is silent for a minute, then sighs. "I must

tell you, Paddy, that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20

thousand MiG-19 attack planes, my military complex is

surrounded by laser guided surface-to-air missile

sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased

to 2 million."

 

"Faith and begorra!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring

you back."

 

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day.

"Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we

have had to call off the war."

 

"I'm sorry to hear that," says Saddam. "Why the sudden

change of heart?"

 

"Well," says Paddy, "we've all had a chat and there's

no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."