I may once again offer this essay

[Guest guest]

An introduction to "Reflection on Sex Life,"

 

I wrote the following essay, "Reflection on Sex Life," in the early 90's. I

then gave it to Jayadvaita Swami for his opinion. His reaction surprised me

-- he became so furious that he started shouting at me in disapproval. I

knew that the topic was controversial, but not to that extent. Other

devotees also read the article and they too rejected my analysis. What

astonished me the most was that they were objecting to something I had never

proposed -- changing Srila Prabhupada's instructions on sex life and

initiation. Or perhaps they feared negative consequences to my ideas? You

judge.

 

The message I got from them was that everyone should live like renounced

mendicants, even if married. Our philosophy argued for the sannyasi ideal.

Family life is acceptable on one level, but ultimately it is Maya.

 

In effect, the devotees were arguing that by talking about the weakness of

sexuality and by trying to study how it works so that we can better

understand it, we granted sex desire a certain legitimacy. This approach

thus enters in conflict with our morality and is a heresy. Sex is an animal

propensity and thus needs no special instruction related to it.

 

Behind this reluctance to discuss the topic of human sexuality in Krishna

consciousness is the rule that sex is allowed only once a month and then for

procreation alone. You will not be recognized as an authentic member of the

Movement unless you swear by Krishna that you will take the vow of celibacy

at heart. Otherwise, you are considered something like a second-class

citizen -- worse maybe.

 

The sincere devotee who experiences sex desire is faced with feelings of

guilt, which act as an efficient watchdog against such follies as wanting to

be a leader while still in such a fallen state. However, though guilt may be

able to control you, it may also destroy you. In a recent open letter in

which he repudiated his sannyasa, Nityodita Swami dramatically put this fact

in perspective:

 

"Over the years I sincerely tried my best to perform the duties of my ashram

and set a good example for the devotees. However, I have to admit I have not

gained the spiritual realization necessary to remain in the sannyasa ashram.

Nor have I been able to overcome my conditioning and the desire for sense

gratification that is not allowed for a sannyasi. This has caused me to

suffer great inner turmoil to the point of actually contemplating two very

unsavory but not unheard of options -namely suicide and blooping. Both of

those options have the benefit of not having to face the devotees and accept

the public humiliation of spiritual failure."

 

This testimony tells us a lot about what most devotees are going through

after initiation.

 

Over the past ten years, times have changed in Iskcon. Now that is common to

see our sannyasis regularly getting married, now that the scandal of

pedophiles has rocked our celibate priests and the movement as a whole, now

that we hardly ever make new devotees, now that he who was once considered

the movement's great hope -- Harikesh Swami and his utopian ideas -- is

gone, now that more and more of our gurus have been forced to step down from

their divine pedestal, now that it is easier to admit that the king is

naked, I feel that I may once again offer this essay for your consideration.

 

Our movement is agonizing because we don't want to look at the weakness of

its philosophy, because we are unable to face the problem of the world,

because of our superiority complex, because of our non-participation in

social, political, economical and cultural secular affairs, because of our

constant reference to past paradigms for dealing with present situations

and, perhaps worst of all, because of our obsession with purity.

 

I will certainly have to explain what I mean by all that. But since this

article is limited to sex life, I will simply make some remarks about "our

obsession with purity." I will give you an example taken at random, a

posting made on a PAMHO-COM forum dedicated to health few days ago. It shows

also how our belief, or our philosophy, lays its grip on all fields of life

with an attitude of absolute authority. The discussion took place between a

devotee who works as a professional in the field of sexual diseases and one

of our leaders who is a guru and a GBC.

 

The first one wrote in response to a text which stated that heterosexual

couples can have unprotected sex without placing themselves at risk for HIV

transmission: "But the best thing for heterosexual couples (esp. if they

want children) is to get tested, wait 6 months (during which time they're

monogamous and use condoms) and then get retested. If both are negative and

commit to monogamy, it's perfectly safe for them to have sex without

condoms."

 

Disagreeing with this advice, the ISKCON representative wrote back (in an

unofficial capacity): "That is not the best thing according to Srila

Prabhupada's teaching. This type of advising carries things a little bit too

far, as far as I am concerned, and I am sure Srila Prabhupada also would not

be willing to entertain such discussions of viewpoints."

 

I guess our leader is still thinking that because of our superior connection

with the spiritual world, we are beyond these gross concerns and that it is

degrading for a devotee householder to consider such matters. This is one

example of what I meant by "our obsession with purity."

 

Note that this intervention occurred outside ISKCON jurisdiction. I am

insisting on this point just to show to what extent a spiritual engagement

in our Movement goes. It means a total submission of all our being and

everything related to it to an organization that thinks to have the last

word on every last thing. Again, the background on the right for this

absolute verdict is that we are virtually perfect; we are the best. You know

why.

 

To follow.