FWD: He is here!

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In a message dated 11/22/2004 6:07:17 P.M. India Standard Time,

Kesava.Bharati.Dasa.Goswami (AT) pamho (DOT) net writes:

Enjoy!

 

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Letter PAMHO:9035218 (308 lines) [W1]

Internet: jhulanayatradd (AT) juno (DOT) com

20-Nov-04 20:06 (12:06 -0800)

Jayadvaita Swami [46453] (received: 21-Nov-04 04:23)

Prahladananda Swami [39191] (received: 20-Nov-04 20:35)

Radhanath (AT) aol (DOT) com

Bcc: Kesava Bharati Dasa Goswami (NE BBT, Govardhan) [19781] (sender:

Jayadvaita Swami)

HE IS HERE

---------------------------

 

 

HE IS HERE

 

A talk by Sangita devi dasi on Srila Prabhupada's Disappearance Day

November 15, 2004

Houston

 

I thank you for inviting me to speak. I was not prepared to speak today,

so please bear with me. It is also a very difficult day, as I am sure it

is for you. This is a bittersweet day.

 

I first met Srila Prabhupada's devotees in 1969 in San Francisco. By

Srila Prabhupada's grace I was taken to the temple. I was fourteen years

old, and I did not take to it at the time. I was too involved in enjoying

my teenage years. But Srila Prabhupada never gave up on me. We may think

that we find our spiritual master, but actually the spiritual master

comes and finds us. Srila Prabhupada made so many arrangements. A year

later I met the devotees again in Philadelphia, and then in 1972, when I

was sixteen, I moved away from my family. I wrote to Srila Prabhupada and

asked him what I could do to serve him. When I look back at it now, I had

no idea what I was really asking. He gave me some nice instruction, and I

moved into the Los Angeles temple. I was initiated the following year, in

1973, at the age of seventeen. In those days they gave second initiation

very quickly because they needed pujaris. So a few months later I became

a pujari in Los Angeles.

 

Eventually I was asked by Jayatirtha Prabhu to go to Hawaii to take care

of Panca-tattva there. I could say that in Los Angeles as well as in

Hawaii I was always in the right place at the right time, because I saw

Srila Prabhupada many, many times. He spent so much time in Los Angeles,

and when I moved to Hawaii he spent a month there, and later he visited

Hawaii many times. There was no telling, when you would walk around the

temple grounds, when he would suddenly appear, or come into the kitchen,

for example, and ask what I was cooking for him. There were so many nice

exchanges. I did not come early enough in the beginning of the movement

to have the mercy that some of my Godsisters had when they traveled with

him. But still, with Srila Prabhupada it is like finding out what the

taste of the ocean is. All you need to do is taste one drop and you know

what the entire ocean tastes like. It is the same with Srila Prabhupada.

You needed just one glance, one smile--he did not have to say

anything--and you knew his mercy, his unlimited mercy.

 

I can tell some stories. One time in Hawaii he was giving class. At that

time he was taking his morning walks at the beach park, Ala Moana Beach

Park, and that is when he made his famous statement about surfers,

because there were surfboards on so many of the devotees' cars in the

temple parking lot. [laughter] And after he gave class all the devotees

would hit the waves. So when Srila Prabhupada saw the surfers in the

water at Ala Moana Beach Park, surfing in the waves, he made that famous

statement: "You call them surfers. I call them sufferers." And then he

added, "They will all take birth as fish." [laughter] So when everyone

came back from this morning walk and told the other devotees, the next

day there were quite a few empty cars without surfboards!

 

One thing that happened during that visit was that Srila Prabhupada

called a big GBC meeting. Ambarisa Prabhu, still Bhakta Alfred Ford, had

just donated the new temple in Hawaii, and as many of you know, it is

quite a large mansion. It is a beautiful property with two acres of

gardens. So Srila Prabhupada called all the GBCs to come, and he was

taking his first walk around the grounds. The GBC men surrounded him

wherever he went. I was just this young nineteen-year-old pujari girl,

feeling very, very insignificant. That was my proper position.

 

I remember sitting in class and praying to Srila Prabhupada, "If you just

give me one look, just look at me one time, then my life will be

fulfilled." I felt very unnoticed. I was very immature and needed some

attention from Srila Prabhupada, so I prayed like this during class. "If

you just look at me one time, my whole life will be complete." Then class

ended and Srila Prabhupada got up from the vyasasana and all the GBCs and

sannyasis were following him, singing "Jaya Prabhupada" walking out of

the temple room. I had already gotten up and was near the doorway of the

pujari room, so Srila Prabhupada had to pass by me as he was leaving, but

I was several feet back in the pujari room. Srila Prabhupada stopped at

the entrance, turned, and looked at me. He folded his hands, his eyes lit

up, his face broke into a big smile, and he looked me right in the eyes

and nodded as if he was pleased. That was the first time that I realized

that Srila Prabhupada hears our prayers. The guru does hear us when we

pray. Even though it was a few years after I had joined the movement, I

would say that that was the moment that my spiritual life began--when I

realized that Srila Prabhupada is in the heart and that he does hear us.

There is a special relationship.

 

Over the years there were other incidents. I went back to Los Angeles,

and we always just tried to get the mercy. We cleaned his room. We

arranged the flowers for his vases. This was all while he was on his

morning walk. The women were very encouraged because we had heard this

one story that on a morning walk in India some of the sannyasis had been

saying something about what the women's position in ISKCON should be.

Srila Prabhupada just listened. While he was on his walk, his lady

disciples had stayed behind and cleaned his entire room, made the vases,

dressed the Deities, and cleaned the altar. When he returned from his

walk and saw his lady disciples, he said to the sannyasis, "Yes, but if

you associate with these women you will go back to Godhead." [laughter]

So we were very encouraged. He was always very sweet, but he especially

gave his gentle, supportive mercy to his Goddaughters. He knew that we

could not handle the other type of mercy. [laughter]

 

Anyway, I do not want to dwell so much on past stories, because after all

Srila Prabhupada is still with us. That sounds almost cliché, but it is

true that he is still here and that he is still guiding us and smiling

when we accomplish something for him and make some advancement. And he

chastises us in his own way when we fall. But he still always picks us

up. We can stumble and fall, but he never lets us stay down too long.

 

I wanted to share one story, if I may, about something that happened just

recently. Some of you know that I do hospice nursing. I take care of

terminally ill devotees. In June I received a phone call from my

Godbrother Gopavrindapala, whom I had not seen in twenty-five years. We

had served together in the Los Angeles temple in the early '70s. We just

lost touch. He was married to Mula Prakrti dasi, my Godsister, who was

very famous for a lot of things. One of her great legacies was teaching

the devotees how to distribute Srila Prabhupada's books. She opened up

the Los Angeles airport, and she was one of the first to do big books in

the airport. She pleased Srila Prabhupada very much with her service. So,

in June I received a call from her husband, Gopa, and he told me that she

was dying of cancer. He said that the doctor had given her one month to

live and would I please come to Vrndavana and help her and care for her

while she was dying. When something like this happens you just know that

it is Srila Prabhupada wanting you to do this service. There is no other

way to take it.

 

Within a week I left and met them in Amsterdam, and I helped Gopa to get

his wife to the dhama. It was not easy for him. It was emotional for him,

but it was also very difficult physically to get her there. She was very,

very sick. So, we got her to the dhama, and we were staying at MVT. You

all know MVT. For two weeks we had nothing but hearing and chanting

twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. So many devotees quickly

rallied around her, and it was just so wonderful to see all the devotees

cooperating and helping this one mataji leave her body. Immediately the

women who lived there, my wonderful Godsisters, came and decorated her

bedroom with so many nice posters of Deities. Radha Kunda dasi put a

nicely framed painting of Srila Prabhupada over the head of the bed, and

that became the focal point of the room and for the devotees when they

entered the room. And for twenty-four hours there was nothing but hearing

and chanting. Devotees took shifts. They would bring in a harp and other

instruments and chant, and others would take shifts and read to her, and

in between we had Srila Prabhupada's bhajanas playing constantly.

 

I am telling the story because of this part. Right before she left her

body she looked at me. She had not opened her eyes in two weeks, but she

opened her eyes, and it was very clear communication. She could not

speak. Her breathing was very, very difficult. For two days, forty-two

hours, her lungs had been filling up with fluid, and she had that death

rattle, as it is called. It is like a gargling. It was amazing that she

could even open her eyes. She opened her eyes, and she was communicating

something to me. She was air-hungry, and she was in anxiety because it

was just so difficult for her to breathe. I turned to my Godsister

Vrindavana Vilasini and said, "She is in so much anxiety. Please say

something," because they had been close, dear friends for years. They

used to do book distribution together. I knew that she would find a way

to calm her down. So, Vrindavana Vilasini felt so inspired by Srila

Prabhupada at that moment that she went close to Mula's ear and said,

"Mula, just surrender and Srila Prabhupada will breathe for you." And

immediately Mula Prakrti just calmed down, and she was focused again on

Srila Prabhupada, because she had said just a week before . . . Everyone

had been reading to her different pastimes of Krsna and Radharani, which

were wonderful pastimes, but she said to me, "That is not my mood,

Sangita." I asked, "What is your mood, Mula? Do you want to hear about

Srila Prabhupada?" She replied, "Yes." And I asked, "Would it be okay if

we read Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta to you?" And she agreed, "Nice," with

this big smile, the famous Mula smile.

 

Vrindavana Vilasini, our Godsister, knew exactly what to say at that

moment: "Just surrender and Srila Prabhupada will breathe for you." Then

we bathed her with Radha-kunda water. I just had this feeling that she

was going leave within a few minutes, and I wanted her nicely prepared to

greet Srila Prabhupada. For the last two weeks we had kept telling her,

"When Srila Prabhupada is ready, he will come for you. You may think that

you are ready, but he knows when you are ready. And when he is ready, he

will come for you." So I just had this feeling that it was going to be

that morning, because of her symptoms. Actually, the night before, I had

prayed to the painting of Srila Prabhupada over her bed. The devotees

were chanting in her room, and I prayed, "Srila Prabhupada, please come

for her." And I just had this feeling; I knew that Srila Prabhupada was

communicating to me, "You cannot summon me. You cannot summon me. When I

am ready to come, I will come." So it taught me a lesson in patience as

well.

 

That morning I bathed her in Radha-kunda water and got her dressed, and

we decided to sit her up so she could breathe more easily. We propped her

up with pillows around her. I was listening with my stethoscope to hear

her heartbeat, and her eyes started to roll back. I immediately said to

her daughter, "Go get your father and your brothers. Go get them right

now," because it looked like that time.

 

There were maybe five women in the room. It was amazing how Krsna

arranged that some of the devotees who were closest to her, who most

wanted to be there at that time, were unable to be present. But this

handful of women were able to be there and witness this great event. So,

we do not know how we can plan for these things; in the end Krsna makes

the arrangement who is there and who is not there to witness such a

thing.

 

Anyway, I was holding her up, and her daughter ran and got her father and

one brother. I was chanting in her left ear the Hare Krsna maha-mantra,

and Vrindavana Vilasini was chanting in her right ear.

 

Her husband walked in, and when he saw her condition he immediately rose

to the occasion to perform his last duties as her husband. He was

amazing. At that moment he detached himself materially and knew just what

to do for her spiritually. He had a silver tray already prepared with

auspicious items. He placed tulasi and caranamrta in her mouth. I said,

"Gopa, we need Vrndavana dust." He handed it to me, and I sprinkled some

in her mouth. Her mouth opened and quivered, which is an auspicious sign

that she was going back to Godhead, and you could just feel the presence

of Srila Prabhupada in that room. We had said to her, "Srila Prabhupada

will come for you when he is ready." Those words will always stay with

me; I do not think I really understood what I had been saying until that

moment. Srila Prabhupada came for her. You could feel his presence in the

room. In fact, I felt that the room was very crowded. There was so much

going on at the same time--holding her up and trying to hear her

heartbeat and feel her pulse and at the same time chanting in her ear--it

just seemed like the room was very, very crowded with many great

personalities hovering above. It was very crowded. It is hard to explain.

I looked up for a moment from all the things that I was doing and saw

only a handful of women at the foot of her bed, but there were great

personalities there to help her on her journey. And Srila Prabhupada was

definitely there. There was no doubt that he came for her. It was a

glorious moment. It felt as if the room had opened up, as if the whole

sky, the material sky, had opened up for this one jiva to leave this

material world and go back to Godhead.

 

We were all crying because of course we would miss her personally, but we

understood that there was this great kirtana going on, on the other

side--in Krsnaloka there was this amazing party happening--and that Srila

Prabhupada was there in his true form. She was so fortunate that she was

getting to see Srila Prabhupada in his spiritual form and that he was

reintroducing her to Radha and Krsna. So it gave us some solace at that

moment. We were crying and laughing and crying and laughing. The emotions

were just running. It was such a transcendental event. It was Srila

Prabhupada's lila, and I felt extremely grateful to Srila Prabhupada for

allowing me to take part in it.

 

Anyway, I mainly wanted to share that story, not to dwell so much on

other stories from the '70s, because it is so clear that Srila Prabhupada

is still with us. Srila Prabhupada once told Indradyumna Swami that when

we go back to Godhead, "I stand in the middle, and Krsna is on one side

of me, and you are on the other side of me, and I take Krsna's hand, and

I take your hand, and I join them together." So this is going home, back

to Godhead. And I just want to encourage everyone that if we just

continue with this process, continue to follow Srila Prabhupada's

instructions, continue to just hang in there through the trials and

tribulations, Srila Prabhupada will give us strength to get through it.

He will give us the words when we need them. He is everything. His mercy

is all that we are.

 

So, when we relate to each other we can understand, "You are also

Vaisnava. Please accept my obeisances. You are representing Srila

Prabhupada as well. Everyone is a representative of Srila Prabhupada if

they are following his instructions."

 

I do not want to speak of Srila Prabhupada as being only in the past, and

I get very disturbed when I hear devotees speaking of "when he was here."

He is here. He is here. Of course, we miss his personal association. That

is what makes this a very bittersweet day. We miss his personal

association tremendously, and that will always be there.

 

I cannot believe that it has been all these years, because I remember the

moment that I heard he left the planet. I immediately thought, "What is

going to happen to me?" Because I was so selfish, I thought, "What is

going to happen to me?" Then I thought, "What is going to happen to

ISKCON now that he is not here?" Now after all these years I am asking

different questions. I am asking, "Srila Prabhupada, please tell me what

I can do for you for the last part of my life." This is like the sprint

at the end of the race, and I just pray to him all the time. He has given

me a mission in Vrndavana, and for that I am extremely grateful.

 

I do not know what else to say. Srila Prabhupada is here, he is with us,

and he gives us guidance. Please have faith and pray to him, because he

did not go anywhere. He is still with us spiritually.

 

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

Does anyone else want to speak about Srila Prabhupada and share your

realizations?

 

Caitanya dasa: Thank you very much. Can you tell us where you were when

Srila Prabhupada left the planet?

 

Mother Sangita: I was living in Hawaii in a house near the temple. My

Godbrother Babhru came banging on my door and said that Srila Prabhupada

had just left and . . . It was . . . We just felt . . . That evening the

devotees gathered at the temple and shared their thoughts about what we

were going to do without him. There was a feeling of complete emptiness.

I know that many of you are disciples of Tamal Krishna Goswami, and I am

sure that you understand exactly what I am saying, except that we had

some notice. We knew that he was sick. And for you it was so sudden, and

I am so sorry for that. But in time we all will understand that service

in separation--it seems like we are separated but we are not all

separated. The guru is always with us. Maharaja is always with you as

well. But that is where I received the news, and I am sure . . . I am

seeing so many of you with tears, and you are understanding exactly what

I am saying. It just feels like the world is empty, but as I said, it

gets easier as time goes on, as the years go on, and you have to learn

this: serving him while he is physically absent makes him so much more

accessible in a way, actually, than when he was here. Srila Prabhupada

could only be in one place at a time. Now it feels like he is everywhere,

all the time. That is what is seems like. Of course, he was always like

that, but I did not have that vision at the time. But over the years I

have learned that he is always with us and will always be with us. The

guru is so kind. We are nothing without the mercy of the guru.

 

Thank you very much.

 

ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada ki jaya!

 

Devotees: Mother Sangita ki jaya!