Memories of Sridhar Swami

[Guest guest]

My dear Basu Ghosh Prabhu-- Somehow I thought to share this with you. Thank

you. Hare Krishna. --ys, gs

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Memories of His Holiness Sridhar Swami Maharaja

by Giriraj Swami

(Based on talks in Laguna Beach and Los Angeles

14th and 15th March 2004)

 

 

We have gathered on a most auspicious day. Srivasa Thakura is one of the

members of the Panca-tattva. He lived in Navadvipa-dhama in Mayapur, near

the residence of Jagannatha Misra and Saci-devi, where Sri Caitanya

Mahaprabhu appeared. Later, when Lord Caitanya began the sankirtana movement

in Navadvipa-dhama, He and His other most confidential associates would meet

at the home of Srivasa Thakura, Srivasangana, and have kirtana throughout

the night. The kirtanas at Srivasangana were most ecstatic, and only the

most intimate devotees of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu were allowed to enter. In

fact, the nocturnal kirtanas at Srivasangana in Gaura-lila are compared to

the rasa dance in Krsna-lila.

 

In his identity in Krsna-lila, Srivasa Pandita was Narada Muni, the great

preacher who travels throughout the universe chanting the holy names of

Krsna and enlightening the fallen souls in Krsna consciousness. So it is

most auspicious that His Holiness Sridhar Swami Maharaja left on Srivasa

Thakura's appearance day--that most auspicious day--in Sri

Mayapur-dhama--that most auspicious place.

 

We now have a special opportunity and responsibility to honor and glorify

His Holiness Sridhar Swami Maharaja.

 

My own association with His Holiness Sridhar Swami goes back to Bombay, over

thirty years ago. Srila Prabhupada had requested disciples from America to

come to India to help him there, and in particular with his three main

projects--Bombay, Mayapur, and Vrndavana. From 1972, His Holiness Sridhar

Swami Maharaja served Srila Prabhupada in India, mainly in Bombay.

 

When we got permission from the municipality to build on Hare Krishna Land

in Juhu, Bombay, Srila Prabhupada wanted Sridhar Maharaja to take charge of

the construction materials. Sridhar Maharaja had a hefty build, like a

football player, so Srila Prabhupada thought he would be appropriate to keep

track of the construction material and make sure none of it was stolen. But

Sridhar Maharaja (he wasn't a sannyasi then, so Sridhar das Brahmachary)

said he didn't want to look after the construction material; he wanted to

preach. I was the temple president in Bombay, so I was going back and forth

between Srila Prabhupada and Sridhar Maharaja. Srila Prabhupada again said

he should look after the construction materials, so I went back to deliver

the message to him, but Sridhar Maharaja insisted, "I want to preach!"

 

Maharaja had never really preached much in India before then, and we didn't

know how well he could preach to the aristocratic Indian gentlemen we were

mainly approaching at that time. But he was so sincere in his desire to

preach that he became one of the best preachers in India, and one of the

best preachers in the world. I have told this story to illustrate Maharaja's

sincere desire to preach, and his strong determination to serve Srila

Prabhupada and the mission even in ways that may not have been easy for him.

 

In India, Srila Prabhupada had introduced the life membership program. And

he actually based the society's progress there on the membership program. He

said that making someone a life member was almost as good as making them

into a devotee. He also said that he introduced the life membership program

as a way to distribute his books, because if someone became a life member by

paying a certain subscription, they would get a set of Srila Prabhupada's

books and a subscription to Back to Godhead magazine.

 

Eventually, Sridhar Swami led one of the life membership teams in Bombay. I

was the membership director, and the other leaders of teams were Sridhar

Swami, Lokanath Swami, Jagat Purusa Prabhu (who happened to phone me today)

and Haridas Prabhu (who since then has become a producer of Krsna conscious

television programs). Those were our main teams. In the early 1980s, Sridhar

Maharaja became the Juhu temple president, and so he increasingly joined me

in cultivating the most important people in Bombay. And between 1984 and

1990, when I was unable to return to India because of visa problems, Sridhar

Maharaja deepened his relationship with many of our most important members,

and they really came to love him deeply.

 

Later, about 1991, Sridhar Maharaja began the fund-raising-by-mail program

in Juhu. Many devotees criticized the proposed program, saying it would

never work. To prepare the letters and post them would cost more than two

lakhs rupees (Rs 2,00,000/-), and where was the guarantee that we would ever

get the money back? Yet in spite of all the negativity, Maharaja took the

risk. (Srila Prabhupada had said, "To preach means to take risks.") So

Sridhar Maharaja took the risk, and the experiment proved to be successful.

The first effort itself made money, and subsequent mailings proved even more

profitable. Soon, Maharaja received invitations from centers in India and

abroad to help them organize fund-raising-by-mail campaigns, and the

campaigns proved to be successful everywhere. They became one of the most

reliable sources of income many temples had. Even today, the BHISMA office

started by Sridhar Maharaja raises funds for the Juhu temple by mail.

 

More recently, Sridhar Maharaja started the VAST program (Vedic Applied

Spiritual Technology). This pioneering program uses the latest multi-media

methods to teach the corporate sector stress management and time

management--all in relation to Krsna consciousness. Maharaja always tried to

find innovative ways to present Krsna consciousness. He studied experts in

various fields and applied what he learned to Krsna consciousness.

 

Many of my most vivid memories of Maharaja, and of his good influence on me

and on others, are from the last few years. You may know that in 1977, some

months before he left this world, Srila Prabhupada named eleven disciples to

initiate devotees on his behalf while he was still here. Then, after he

left, the same disciples continued to initiate. Later, slowly, a few more

were given that responsibility, beginning with three others. Sridhar

Maharaja was not one of the first to initiate, or even one of the early ones

to be added later. The attitude of the movement then was quite restrictive.

So at one stage, he joked that he wanted only three disciples--one to cook,

one to do his laundry, and one to collect for him.

 

Eventually, Sridhar Maharaja was given the responsibility to initiate

disciples, and he took his duty very seriously. He was very sincere.

Maharaja initiated one of his earliest disciples, a devotee from Croatia, in

his first initiation ceremony at Juhu. Maharaja named him "Mayapur das" and

instructed him to be a servant of Mayapur. Even up to the end, Maharaja was

very sincere in his duties to his disciples and in his care and affection

for them. He really cared for them, and he loved them very much. At the same

time, he cared for devotees and people in general, and I think this is one

of his most remarkable traits: his almost universal care for others. He

really was like an ocean of love.

 

In Kartika of 1999, Sridhar Maharaja and I met in Vrndavana. One morning we

went to the Bhaktivedanta Ashram at Govardhana, where I was to meet His

Holiness Indradyumna Swami and choose a Govardhana-sila to worship.

Indradyumna Maharaja placed two silas next to each other on his shelf and

asked, "Who do these look like?" They looked like Radha and Krsna, and so I

accepted them. Then Indradyumna Swami gave me his deity of Gopesvara

Mahadeva, and he gave Sridhar Maharaja silas of Lord Nrsimhadeva and

Varahadeva. Earlier, Indradyumna Swami had told Sridhar Maharaja, "I will

have something for you when you come to Govardhana." Sridhar Swami was a

great devotee of Lord Nrsimhadeva.

 

The next day, Indradyumna Swami took Sridhar Maharaja and me to Loi Bazar in

downtown Vrndavana to get paraphernalia for our worship. We spent most of

the day in various shops, looking for just the right items for the Deities'

service, and bargaining with the merchants. Finally, we became satisfied

that we had done the best we could for our worshipable Lords--and beside, we

all were hungry--and so we returned to the Krsna-Balarama Mandira.

 

During the same stay in Vrndavana, Sridhar Maharaja and I did

Govardhana-parikrama together, followed by a group of devotees. We had

wonderful krsna-katha all around Govardhana Hill. Although we both were ill,

we did the full parikrama barefoot in the hot sun, and only afterward did we

take prasada at the Bhaktivedanta Ashram.

 

Within a month, we both were in the hospital--he in a coma, with

encephalopathy from hepatitis C, and me on the verge of a heart attack,

about to have cardiac bypass surgery. Later, Maharaja praised the power of

that parikrama--that it put us both in the hospital so quickly. He told me,

"The only reason I went all the way around was to keep up with you." I

replied, "But, Maharaja, the only reason I went all the way around was to

keep up with you!" Such was our relationship, and such is the mercy of

Giri-Govardhana.

 

Anyway, two years earlier, Sridhar Maharaja had been diagnosed with

hepatitis C and cirrhosis of the liver, a severe condition that, in the

course of time, proves to be fatal. After Kartika, Maharaja's condition

deteriorated, and some liquid, called ascites, accumulated in his abdominal

cavity. He had nearly twenty or twenty-five liters of fluid, which caused

massive swelling in his legs as well. So he returned to Bombay for tests and

treatment.

 

In Bombay, Maharaja was admitted in the Bhaktivedanta Hospital at Mira Road,

which is run and staffed mainly by devotees. There, Maharaja had a further

reversal; he went into a coma. Soon, His Holiness Tamal Krishna Goswami and

some of Goswami Maharaja's close friends--Giridhari Swami and Kesava Bharati

Maharaja--came from Vrndavana to Bombay to meet Sridhar Maharaja in the

hospital. Maharaja was so grateful to them for coming all the way from

Vrndavana to be with him, and their visit had a very deep effect on him.

>From then on, one of the main themes in his life was how much he appreciated

his Godbrothers, how much he wanted their association. He would say, "My

Godbrothers are my life," and he felt, as a humble Vaisnava, dependent on

them. Even at the end, when he was in Canada, just before he left for

Mayapur, he was asking different Godbrothers, "Please help me. Help me to

chant the holy name." He was very, very humble.

 

Eventually, Sridhar Maharaja was discharged from the hospital, but his

condition remained delicate. Many devotees suggested that he return to

Vrndavana and spend his last days there, hearing and chanting about Krsna.

Again, he was so sincere that he accepted the advice of his Godbrothers and

well-wishers. But soon he felt, "This is not me, just to sit and chant and

hear in Vrndavana." Again he came to the same point: "I want to preach." So,

Maharaja stayed in Haridas Prabhu's vacant flat at Mira Road, and he would

meet devotees and friends--and preach.

 

In April of 2000, Maharaja was again admitted into the Bhaktivedanta

Hospital in an early stage of hepatic coma. Later, he had difficulty

breathing and actually felt he might leave his body then. But he recovered

from the crisis, and soon he got the idea that he would like to travel

again. And he was adamant.

 

To travel then, from the medical point of view, was a doubtful decision, but

Maharaja was determined. His first stop was to be Santa Barbara, where I

have a small ashram. He wanted to visit, to spend some time with me and to

rest and recuperate. Thus, in May of 2000, he and his very faithful and

wonderful servant, Mayapur das, somehow got on a plane and reached Los

Angeles. From the Los Angeles airport they came straight by car to Santa

Barbara, but by the time he reached the ashram, he was in a terrible

condition. We were shocked. Already he had been terribly sick, but then he

caught the flu before he left Bombay--although the symptoms didn't manifest

until he reached Hong Kong. Some devotees said that he shouldn't have

traveled at all, that he was too sick to travel, and that the disease was

affecting his discrimination. But in retrospect, I see it as his love and

his desire to serve and preach. In fact, sometimes I think that he risked

his life just to come and visit me.

 

So he came, and we spent some time together. He was on a very strict diet

that he didn't much like, and he would cheat a little now and then. One

night I went out to a preaching program. Although he wasn't well enough to

come, he encouraged me to go. So we left him in the care of Mayapur das and

one lady devotee named Kunti, who could cook in case he needed anything.

After I left, he decided that he wanted to indulge himself a little; he

asked for veggie burgers and French fries, which were not at all on his

diet. Kunti dutifully prepared the veggie burgers and chips, and Mayapur

reluctantly served them. Maharaja ate them, and he was in very jolly

spirits.

 

In Bombay we had two highly aristocratic life members, very affluent yet

very devoted--Mr. Brijratan Mohatta and Mr. M. P. Maheshwari. Every Sunday,

they and their wives would come to Juhu. Out of their deep affection for

Maharaja, these two gentlemen began to call him "the jolly swami" because,

well, he was always so jolly. The name stuck, and a few years ago,

Maharaja's brother Stuart actually wrote an article about him called The

Jolly Swami. It was a nice article and was published in a magazine in

Canada. Recently, this nickname became even more popular--and deservedly

so--because Maharaja remained so jolly, even up to the time of death.

 

So, happily enjoying Kuntidevi's tasty burgers and chips, "the jolly swami"

was in a very jolly mood indeed. The next morning, however, he wasn't quite

so jolly--or he didn't manifest his mood. In fact, he wouldn't get up. We

thought, "He must be exhausted." Time passed, and still he wouldn't get up.

We waited, tried again, waited, and tried again. Finally, we realized he was

in a coma, so we rushed him to the hospital, to the emergency room. He was

eventually put in the intensive care unit. (Later, Maharaja would phone and

say, "I want to come to Santa Barbara and have some more of Kunti's 'coma

burgers.'")

 

Physiologically, there was a certain course to be run, and the doctors were

confident that he would come out of the coma. It just had to be treated in

the proper way and the condition would reverse itself.

 

Again, in the hospital, Sridhar Maharaja's great affection and care came

out. Because of the liver's malfunction, it wasn't able to take out the

toxins--that was the basic problem. And eventually the toxins go to the

brain and cause encephalopathy. If the toxins in the brain reach a certain

point, the patient goes into a coma. Then the process of coming out of the

coma and toxic influence is gradual. In a way, you could say that at first

Maharaja was sort of delirious. But the beauty of his delirium was that his

goodness came out freely: He just wanted everyone to chant. He wanted

everyone to become Krsna conscious--the doctors, the nurses, the nurses'

assistants, the room cleaners. He really just wanted everyone to become

Krsna conscious.

 

And then, too, he would think of his brothers in Canada. He really wanted

them, Malcolm and Stuart, to become devotees. He would talk to us about

them, not completely coherently, but with great love and care. And he would

talk with them, as well as with his mother and sister (who were also in

Canada), on the phone. He saw some spark in them that he wanted to fan. He

really wanted them to become devotees.

 

When the crisis began, we informed his family. His sister Fiona was just

wonderful--so helpful and responsible. And eventually his brother Malcolm

came down to Santa Barbara and stayed with Maharaja and us for a while.

Also, Hridayananda Maharaja visited Maharaja in the hospital. And again,

Sridhar Maharaja was so appreciative. The two of them joked a lot, and soon

Sridhar Maharaja was discharged and came back to our ashram. Despite his

trying medical condition, he really was "the jolly swami," so friendly to

the nurses and staff and everyone.

 

(After some days, the bill from the hospital came--for almost $30,000.

Maharaja studied it carefully. Finally, he concluded: "I want my money. Tell

them they can take back my consciousness!")

 

>From then on, despite his hepatitis, he would travel a lot, sort of like

Prabhupada--more or less six months in India, based in Bombay, and six

months traveling. He would visit London and Croatia and Slovenia, and he

would always attend the New York Ratha-yatra. He made a point always to go

to the New York Ratha-yatra. And he would regularly visit Alachua, Los

Angeles, Vancouver, and even Brazil. He had many disciples in Croatia and

Slovenia. Many of the young people there became initiated by him.

 

In September of 2001, His Holiness Sridhar Swami, accompanied by

Nrsimhananda Prabhu of ITV, came specially to Carpinteria for our

Vyasa-puja. There he said: "For me, in my stage of life, if I have learned

even one little lesson, it is dasa-dasanudasah. Cultivate service to the

Vaisnavas and you will get everything. We need a family in which we can love

and trust each other and not fear. We have to preach to so many

materialistic people. Their very aura is permeated with lust and greed and

anger, and there is a possibility of getting infected. But if we can come to

a community of friends, of brothers and sisters, where we love each other,

care . . . I am not talking of superficially saying something, but where we

really care deep down inside that this person is suffering and care, even

materially. Prabhupada cried when he saw people suffering materially in the

material world. So, what to speak of exalted Vaisnava devotees: we should

care for them and love them. This is our family."

 

January 14th, 2003, marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of the grand opening

of the Juhu temple, and Sridhar Maharaja took the lead in arranging the

silver jubilee celebrations. He wanted every devotee who had ever served in

Juhu, especially in the time leading up to the grand opening--which was

basically when Srila Prabhupada was personally present--he wanted every one

of them to come. The Juhu temple had a modest budget to help devotees with

their airfares, but eventually another very nice devotee in Bombay,

Krsnacandra Prabhu (Hrishikesh Mafatlal), gave several lakhs of rupees to

pay for devotees' tickets. Any Prabhupada disciple who had served in Bombay,

Sridhar Swami tracked down. He phoned and personally requested him or her to

come and then offered free tickets as required.

 

So many came, and the reports of that event were extraordinary. People

couldn't believe it. Everyone there felt that Srila Prabhupada had

manifested himself again. Even His Holiness Sacinandana Swami, who hadn't

served in Bombay earlier but happened to be there for the celebrations, said

that he felt Srila Prabhupada's presence descend in a very tangible way. And

everyone gave the credit to Sridhar Swami. He deserved the credit because he

got so many devotees to come, and he made wonderful arrangements for

them--with help, of course, from devotees from Chowpatty and Juhu. And when

it was time for the devotees to give their remembrances of the early days of

serving Srila Prabhupada in Bombay, he wouldn't allow the gurus and

sannyasis to speak. He said, "We hear them all the time; we want to hear

others." Of course, that they also spoke, too, but mainly he wanted to give

others the chance to speak. He really was pandita sama-darsinah: he really

saw everyone equally. He truly saw the soul, and he appreciated everyone. He

appreciated everyone's good, and he wanted to encourage everyone.

 

Anyway, it was a wonderful event. Once, I phoned, just to be part of the

celebrations, and the receptionist in the guesthouse in Juhu picked up the

phone. I asked for Maharaja, but he didn't happen to be right there, and it

was going to take time to find him. They were going to look for him. In the

meantime I asked, "Who else is there?" Just then, Jagat Purusa Prabhu was

walking by. I said, "Okay, I'll speak to him." Jagat Purusa was in high

ecstasy. He wasn't speaking; the ecstasy within him was moving him to speak.

And he said that he had not experienced such bliss in Krsna consciousness

since the time he was actually in Bombay serving Srila Prabhupada. He was

just went on and on, emphasizing that it was the most memorable occasion of

his life, and I think everyone pretty much felt the same way, because they

felt Srila Prabhupada's presence. What more do any of us want? For us, the

highest perfection is to be with Srila Prabhupada, and Sridhar Swami, I

feel, was instrumental in creating that situation in which Srila Prabhupada

was pleased to manifest himself in such a vivid and personal way.

 

After a few days of recuperating from that major effort, Maharaja wanted to

travel again, so he came to Los Angeles. That time his schedule didn't allow

him to come to Santa Barbara. Also, I think he was a little upset because I

hadn't come for the celebrations in Juhu, so he didn't want to come to me. I

went to him, and he was wonderful--as usual. After Los Angeles he went to

Vancouver. While he was there, I began to consider that I had offended him

because I didn't go for the celebrations in Juhu. I don't think I could have

gone, but at the same time I was concerned that I had offended him. So I

phoned him in Vancouver to apologize and explain why I couldn't come, even

though he had so much wanted me to come (and so many others also had wanted

me to come). I asked him to forgive me. He was very gracious. He was sorry I

hadn't come, and he did want to understand why I hadn't. But he said I

didn't commit any offense or anything.

 

So, we would frequently talk on the phone, and we would meet whenever he

came to Los Angeles. Then, last November, he phoned from Bomaby and told me

he was planning to go to Vancouver in April and spend four to six months

there. (That would have been starting next month.) I replied, "I will

definitely come and spend time with you there." Soon thereafter, however, I

got an e-mail from him saying that he had been diagnosed in Bombay with

liver cancer, and that he was going to Vancouver immediately to see if he

could get a liver transplant, which was his "only hope."

 

He flew to Vancouver. The first day he went for tests, they found three

places where cancer had affected his liver, which prima facie made him

eligible for the transplant. But they still had to do more tests. When they

did the next tests, however, they found more cancer--and because the cancer

had spread beyond the limit allowed for transplants, his "only hope" was

dashed. He was ineligible for the transplant because the cancer had spread

so much. So it seemed like he was soon to leave his body.

 

I was very distressed. I phoned him, but he wasn't answering on his

landline. I then got him on his cell phone. I asked, "Where are you?" He

answered, "I'm shopping." He seemed so jolly--like always. But then he

confirmed my worst fears: "The doctor says that I could go at any time.

Phone me back later. We have to talk."

 

After that, we would speak every day, usually twice a day. And we had

wonderful talks. The question arose whether he should go to Mayapur--and

when. He decided he would go to Mayapur, and eventually, in consultation

with his Godbrothers, he concluded he should go as soon as possible.

 

He had three desires, as he told me: "I just want to survive until I reach

Mayapur. Then, if possible, I want to live to see the Panca-tattva

installed. And then, if possible, I want to live until Gaura-Purnima. And

then--whatever." (He meant, of course, "And then--whatever Krsna wants.")

 

With these three desires in his heart, although no one knew how much travel

his weakened body could bear, Sridhar Maharaja flew to London. There,

Indradyumna Swami joined him. (Maharaja's sister, Fiona, had informed

Indradyumna Swami of the doctor's pronouncement: If Sridhar undertook the

journey, he probably wouldn't make it. And she added, "If that happens, I

want someone to be there with him.") So Indradyumna Swami flew to England to

accompany Maharaja onward towards Mayapur, and he was very apprehensive.

 

In London, devotees had rented a room for Maharaja in a hotel near the

airport. He was so sick and weak that he could hardly walk. The devotees

just had to get him from the airport to the nearest place possible--as soon

as possible.

 

Because the news had spread that Maharaja was going to Mayapur to leave his

body, many of his disciples from Europe--mainly from Croatia and

Slovenia--came to London to meet him. They were crying because they knew

they would never see him again. He told them, "You can cry when I go. You

can cry for a few days, but then you have to get back into your service, and

then you have to be happy." I was used to phoning, so I called Maharaja at

the hotel and spoke a little with Indradyumna Swami there too.

 

Sridhar Maharaja wanted to reciprocate with the disciples who had come to be

with him. He said, "The king is good for the people, and the people are good

for the king. I never had my own family, but when I had disciples, I was

able to benefit tremendously. I felt emotions I thought I never would. I

just don't think it will stop. When we love one another, we are together. Of

course, when I leave, we can't play football [soccer] together. But I can

come along in the form of a picture." It was so bittersweet. Maharaja was so

sweet and so humorous. Yet his disciples were feeling, "We will never see

Guru Maharaja again. We're going to take his picture with us when we play

football?"

 

Then he told his disciples, "When I leave, we can be together in more

significant ways." He said that love in separation is actually stronger. And

we do experience that when we are with people we love, we may take them for

granted. But when they are gone, we realize how valuable their association

was and how much we love them. And the feelings become more intense than

when we were with them.

 

There were some disciples who didn't have second initiation, so Maharaja

decided he would initiate them. But because of his disease, his brain didn't

always function properly. Toxins went to his brain, and then, too, he had to

take a derivative of opium to kill the pain, as prescribed by the doctor.

Anyway, he decided, "Okay, I'll give second initiation--but all together,

all five at once." He began reciting the gayatri mantra for them, "Om bhur .

.. ."--but then he couldn't remember the next word. He asked Indradyumna

Swami, "What comes next?" Indradyumna Swami pronounced the word, and

Maharaja repeated it to his disciples. When Maharaja couldn't remember the

next word either, he told Indradyumna Swami, "Look, why don't you just say

each word, and then I'll repeat it, and the disciples will hear it from me."

So they got through the first two lines. Then Indradyumna Swami, who himself

was exhausted from his long flight from South Africa, couldn't remember the

next word. So Sridhar Maharaja asked, "Are there any brahmanas in the house

who know the next word?" Then one brahmana told the word to Indradyumna

Swami, Indradyumna Swami repeated it to Sridhar Swami, and Sridhar Swami

repeated it to the disciples.

 

Sridhar Maharaja remarked, "Harer nama harer nama harer namaiva kevalam. We

don't need this gayatri mantra. Hari-nama is enough." Then he started

quoting:

 

harer nama harer nama

harer namaiva kevalam

kalau nasty eva nasty eva

nasty eva gatir anyatha

 

["In this age of quarrel and hypocrisy the only means of deliverance is the

chanting of the holy names of the Lord. There is no other way. There is no

other way. There is no other way." (Cc. Adi 17.21)]

 

krsna-varnam tvisakrsnam

sangopangastra-parsadam

yajnaih sankirtana-prayair

yajanti hi su-medhasah

 

["In the Age of Kali, intelligent persons perform congregational chanting to

worship the incarnation of Godhead who constantly sings the name of Krsna.

Although His complexion is not blackish, He is Krsna Himself. He is

accompanied by His associates, servants, weapons and confidential

companions." (SB 11.5.32)]

 

kaler dosa-nidhe rajan

asti hy eko mahan gunah

kirtanad eva krsnasya

mukta-sangah param vrajet

 

["My dear King, although Kali-yuga is an ocean of faults, there is still one

good quality about this age: Simply by chanting the Hare Krsna maha-mantra,

one can become free from material bondage and be promoted to the

transcendental kingdom." (SB 12.3.51)]

 

He quoted all these verses in glorification of the holy name. Indradyumna

Swami exclaimed, "Maharaja, you are perfectly quoting all these verses about

the holy name, but you can't remember the gayatri mantra?!" Sridhar Swami

explained, "The gayatri mantra is just meant to assist us in chanting the

holy name. The real thing is chanting the holy name. The gayatri mantra just

supports it--helps us to become purified--so we can chant the holy name."

 

You may have heard how Maharaja arrived in Calcutta. Jayapataka Maharaja had

sent his van to pick him up, and Sridhar Swami lay unmoving in Jayapataka

Maharaja's bed in the van all the way from the airport to Mayapur. In

Mayapur, thousands of devotees came out to receive him with

kirtana--sometimes roaring and sometimes sweet.

 

Now, another result of Maharaja's disease, because his liver wasn't

processing different materials in the body, was that his body would fill

with liquid (as before). It would become bloated. In Canada, as well as in

India, doctors would remove five to seven liters of liquid from him at a

time. That was part of his discomfort. Anyway, after the installation of the

Panca-tattva, he had a physical setback, maybe because of the exertion and

excitement in the ceremony. The situation looked grave, and in the evening

he asked for devotees to come and do kirtana in his room. He didn't know

what would happen, and it looked like he was going to leave. Maharaja's

servant, Mayapur das, informed the devotees. So devotees came. Senior

devotees and disciples alike gathered in Maharaja's room, ready for the

worst. As Maharaja lay silently on his bed, they performed kirtana, most of

them crying, seeing that the end was near. Somehow a devotee managed to call

a doctor, who entered the room and came to Maharaja's bedside. The doctor

was serious and grave, and he began to feel around Maharaja's body as

Maharaja lay motionless on his bed, his eyes closed. Maharaja's abdomen was

completely bloated from the accumulated liquid. The doctor put his hands on

Maharaja's abdomen, squeezing it gently to assess the situation. Then

Maharaja slowly opened his eyes, looked in the direction of the doctor, and

said, "It's a boy."

 

Everybody cracked up. Maharaja was so funny, even in the most dire of

circumstances. The devotees were going mad. They didn't know whether to

laugh or cry. The situation was so critical, yet Maharaja was so funny.

Anyway, Maharaja told me that story on the phone--I think he rather liked

it.

 

So, jivo va maro va: a devotee can live or die. Both are the same. Certainly

that was true of Sridhar Swami: He could live or die, because if he lived he

would serve Krsna here, and if he died he would serve Krsna in the next

life. For Sridhar Swami, life and death were the same (jivo va maro va).

Thus, he was truly fearless and jolly. He really had no fear of death.

Although he wanted to stay so he could preach, he wasn't afraid of death. He

knew he would continue to serve Srila Prabhupada in the next life.

 

A few days before Gaura Purnima, Indradyumna Swami came to say farewell to

Maharaja. At Maharaja's room he met Mayapur das, Maharaja's servant, who

told him, "Maharaja is in the shower." From inside, Sridhar Swami overheard

the talk and shouted out, "Indie! Is that you, Indie?" He used to call

Indradyumna Swami "Indie," short for Indiana Jones, because Indradyumna

Maharaja is such an adventurous preacher. (Later Indradyumna Swami remarked

what a wonderful experience this was: When someone really loves you and is

proud of you, he shows you off to his friends. In this way, Sridhar Maharaja

would show off Indradyumna Swami to people who came to his room. He would

say, "This is our Indiana Jones, but he is the real thing! This one is the

real thing!")

 

So, Sridhar Maharaja called out, "Indie! Is that you out there?"

 

"Yes, Maharaja."

 

"Come on in!"

 

"But Maharaja, you are in the shower."

 

"So what? Come on in."

 

He went in, and there was Maharaja with nothing to cover him but the air

(and water from the shower). Sridhar Maharaja said, "Don't worry about it.

We are not these bodies!"

 

Indradyumna Swami was choked up, because he was feeling he would never see

Maharaja again. This was it--saying good-bye. So he said, "Maharaja, I have

come to say good-bye." Maharaja said, "Don't say good-bye." Indie replied,

"I may never see you again in this life." Sridhar Swami responded, "Don't

you know that old song?" And he sang: "Happy trails to you, until we meet

again." And that was it. That was it.

 

So I think that is a good conclusion, especially for Indie: "happy

trails"--because his trails take him all over the world. Yet all of us, in

our own ways, have our own trails and paths in devotional service, and

Sridhar Swami wishes that they be happy--until we meet again.

 

I wanted to phone Maharaja every day, but the way it worked out with the

time difference and all the difficulties in just getting through to Mayapur,

it averaged about every third day that I would speak to him. The last time I

spoke to him, two days before he left, he was having a very good day. The

previous day was a bad day, but the night before, they had given him some

medication to help him. When I spoke to him that last time, he was having a

very good day, and we had one of the best talks I have ever had with anyone

in my entire life. We spoke mainly about the Mayapur project and Srila

Prabhupada's mission. It's really something that I'll cherish for my whole

life--the experience of it and the lessons in it.

 

That was Thursday, March 11th. The next day, Friday, we installed beautiful

brass deities of Gaura-Nitai in our Santa Barbara ashram. They had come from

Vrndavana, originally commissioned by Mother Kirtida for Tamal Krsna

Goswami. I felt Their coming was also part of Sridhar Swami's mercy, because

he so fervently desired that the glories of the Panca-tattva be spread and

that we build the "wonderful temple" for Them in Mayapur. So, two

representatives of the Panca-tattva had come, and I felt that was his

desire.

 

Then I told Maharaja, "I don't know if I will be able to phone you again

before then, but the Deities have come and we will install them Friday

evening, and by your mercy we'll try to serve Them and Their dhama." Now,

whenever I look at Their beautiful forms and their appealing faces, I feel

we have to do something for Them--we have to build Their wonderful

temple--as Sridhar Swami always reminded me.

 

So, I think this may be Maharaja's main contribution in recent years, at

least to me in my service: He impressed upon me--and upon our entire

movement--the importance of the Mayapur project, of the "wonderful temple"

(adbhuta mandira) that Nityananda Prabhu had desired for the service of

Caitanya Mahaprabhu, and that Bhaktivinoda Thakura had envisioned. (One day,

when Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura was chanting japa on the balcony of his

house in Godruma-dvipa, he looked across the Jalangi River to Mayapur, and

he had a vision of a transcendental city with a magnificent temple rising

like a mountain in its midst.) Maharaja's whole life was dedicated to Srila

Prabhupada, and I think he felt this was one of Srila Prabhupada's main

desires that was left to be fulfilled. And he felt that we had to do it; we

had to do it. He felt it would benefit the whole society, and the whole

world. He would quote Ambarisa Prabhu, who said, "This will be the tide that

will make all the boats rise." So, although Sridhar Maharaja left so many

wonderful legacies for us in terms of his personal qualities and activities,

I think one legacy that may serve to unite the movement and fulfill one of

Srila Prabhupada's main desires is his inspiration to push on the

construction of the adbhuta mandira in Mayapur.

 

When I was a new devotee, maybe less than two years in the movement, I

approached Srila Prabhupada one day while he was getting his massage on the

veranda of the Calcutta temple: "Srila Prabhupada, I have been thinking

about what pleases you most." Srila Prabhupada was so pure he took every

word into his heart. He replied, "Yes." I said, "The two things that seem to

please you the most are distributing your books and building the big temple

in Mayapur." Srila Prabhupada smiled with great appreciation: "Thank you

very much."

 

So, those were Srila Prabhupada's two main strategies for spreading Krsna

consciousness, and Sridhar Swami helped him in both. In his early days,

Sridhar Swami was instrumental in developing book distribution in North

America. And in his later years, he was very involved with the Mayapur

project, planning and raising funds for the "wonderful temple." And by

Maharaja's mercy, on Gaura Purnima, standing in front of the Panca-tattva

Deities in Laguna Beach, I got the inspiration: "Now it's time for Mayapur.

Sridhar Swami understood that long ago. Now it's time for you [me] to join

the effort, too." And that was important for me in other ways as well--to

let go of the past: "Forgive and forget. Now let's all work together for

Mayapur, for Sridhar Swami, for Srila Prabhupada, to build the wonderful

temple."

 

Sridhar Swami asked me to speak about my experiences of Srila Prabhupada

related to Mayapur. For one, in 1973, Srila Prabhupada came to Calcutta from

England--so enthusiastic and excited about Mayapur. Tamal Krishna Goswami

had gotten the first land in Mayapur, we had observed the first Gaura

Purnima festival there, and now Srila Prabhupada had come with the plans for

the first building. There was a detailed discussion, but at the end Srila

Prabhupada said, "If you build this temple, then Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

will personally come and take you all back to Godhead."

 

Now I think, "That might be my only hope, so I'd better get to work. We'd

better build the Mayapur project, because I don't know how else I will ever

get back to Godhead."

 

His Holiness Sridhar Swami has given me a lifetime of work in service to

Srila Prabhupada. Although jivo va maro va, to live or die is the same for a

devotee--and certainly that was true of Maharaja--my own feelings are mixed.

I think, "Now he has left so much service for me, given me so many

instructions." (I think the same about Tamal Krishna Goswami.) "So I must

stay and execute his mission." Even though part of me misses them terribly

and wants to be with them, mainly I think, "They left me so many

instructions. I have so much service to do for them here."

 

Of course, it all depends on Krsna how long we have to do what they have

asked, to do what they would want. Therefore, whatever time we do have left

we should use in the best possible way--in Krsna consciousness.

 

His Holiness Sridhar Swami Maharaja ki jaya! Srila Prabhupada ki jaya! Sri

Panca-tattva ki jaya! Nitai-gaura-premanande hari-haribol!

 

 

* * *

 

 

EPILOGUE

 

Three days after Sridhar Maharaja left, while on my daily walk in Santa

Barbara, I suddenly began to feel blissful, and I felt Maharaja's presence.

Then, I imagined that he gave me two instructions. The first was, "I am

still here. Be happy." And the second was, "Just be yourself. Each one of us

has his own contribution to make, so just be yourself and make your

contribution." And then he left.

 

After he left, I considered what had happened. Clearly, his two instructions

were meant not only for me. They were meant for everyone. And his

instructions covered all points. Especially his last statement had said it

all: "Just be yourself and make your contribution."

 

Thank you, Maharaja. We love you.

 

Hare Krishna.