new letter from HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami

[Guest guest]

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus and Disciples,

Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to ISKCON founder-acarya

Srila

Prabhupada.

 

Two days ago a group of doctors who have been dealing with my illness met to

discuss my case. One oncologist somewhat representing the group explained to

me after I probed him for quite a while that basically they have very little

or nothing to offer me at this point. He explained that chemo and radiation

has not been known to respond affectively to melanoma cancer and that the

additional operation that was being proposed in taking out all the lymph

nodes in the thigh was not only dangerous and full of possible heavy side

effects, but it could not really guarantee any extended life. In my last

correspondence I had already concluded that I was not going to go through

another operation for I already understood that there was very little at

this time allopathic medicine and care could offer me. So, their basic

consideration was that the depth of my melanoma was more or less a death

sentence and that whatever is done that even if it does work for sometime it

will just temporarily put off the inevitable. Therefore they wanted me to be

aware of the studies on melanoma cancer so that I would understand that I am

quickly or slowly dying. (Although I have stopped the allopathic treatment I

am still pursing a few alternative treatments that could hold me together

for a little while). Of course the doctor was rather shocked to see that not

only was I not depressed or shocked, but I was bright-faced, full of

gratitude, even to the point of going out of my way to thank him and other

members of the group for the wonderful care they had provided me. In some

ways it was almost similar to my experience in Hawaii, by the time I left

the hospital the caretakers, especially the nurses cried as they realized I

was coming back to Washington to get my leg amputated and to confront in the

near future, death. Somehow I bonded with them in a very powerful way during

my visits.

 

The last two days have been exceptional for me. First, it has been

exceptional because for several months I have not been able to sufficiently

sleep. When the cancer was very prominent in the foot it would shake the

foot every 15 minutes with pain, and so when I would try to sleep even if I

dozed off I would be woke up by the shaking or by the problem of having to

urinate every hour. But in the last two days I was able to sleep over three

hours without any serious waking up. This is kind of ironic, because for

much of my devotional life I was very meticulous about trying not to sleep

up to six hours, for I felt this is Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s time and that I

should try to be active in their service as much as possible. Now presently

if I could sleep six or more hours without waking up I would see it as pure

mercy. How amazingly Krsna helps to show us that we are not the controller

and that we cannot capture him in a karma-kandic mood or by austerities. The

second thing is I feel I have developed even a greater appreciation for

Srila Prabhupada’s special offering to this world.

 

I just finished reading this wonderful book written by our God sister,

Mulaprakriti, the book is called Our Srila Prabhupada, A Friend To All. I

would highly suggest that every leader in ISKCON get a copy of this book. It

shares some pastimes of Srila Prabhupada’s from many sadhus and associates

that Srila Prabhupada had interactions with before he came to America and

even before he took sannyasa. Mulaprakriti, interviewed about eighty

different devotees who share amazing ways Srila Prabhupada impacted upon

them.

 

The two interviews that affected me the most were an interview with the

pujari who takes care of the deities at the house of Advaitacarya, and an

interview with a devotee named Hrdayananda Maharaj who was a pujari in a

temple next to the Radha-Damodar temple. Let me briefly share a summary of

these two interviews. In the first interview the pujari explains how Srila

Prabhupada as a vanaprasta would come to his temple once or twice a month,

would sit in the back for hours chanting, sobbing and crying each time he

came. Then after some time he came as a sannyasi, did the same thing but was

sobbing and crying even more. This time he came and spoke to the pujari and

explained to him that the next day he was off to America and that he had

been coming there on a regular basis since this was the place where Lord

Nityananda, Lord Caitanyana and Advaitacarya would meet to organize the

sankirtan movement. He explained how his Gurudeva had given him an

impossible mission so he was coming there, praying that he would be able to

carry out this mission. Years later he started noticing western devotees

coming to his temple. One day one gave him a BTG and he was shocked to see

the picture of Prabhupada then he realized from this that Srila Prabhupada’s

mission had been successful as he had been blessed and empowered by Lord

Caitanya, Lord Nityananda and Advaitacarya.

 

The next interview that was so impacting on me was the interview with the

pujari, Hrdayananda. He explained that every night he would hear someone

whaling and crying around 1:00 A.M.. One day he got on top of his roof to

see what was going on, and what did he see? He saw Srila Prabhupada sweeping

the Radha Damodara courtyard, sobbing and crying, calling out to Rupa and

Sanatana Goswamis to please help him and prepare him for this mission. The

pujari mentions that he was born in Vraj, and had lived there all of his

life. He had met many wonderful sadhus but never had met anyone who had such

intense bhajan as Srila Prabhupada.

 

As I read these stories one after another, especially these two I became

overwhelmed. I found that these two draw tears out of my own crocodile eyes,

for they allowed me to see even more the tremendous sacrifice and the great

determination and perseverance that Srila Prabhupada had. It also helped me

appreciate even more Srila Prabhupada’s connection with Mahaprabhu, and the

Goswamis. All of this caused me to make an appeal to Srila Prabhupada.

Basically, my appeal was: “Dear Srila Prabhupada, wherever you are going to

take me or send me when I leave this body I appeal to you to first let me

remain here for at least one more year to make more input with your previous

services, with your ISKCON organization. Now I understand even more than

ever how important this mission was and still is for you and your

Gurumaharaja” I feel that Srila Prabhupada once again accepted my prayer.

So, yes I am definitely dying (so are all of us) but, I feel as I said

earlier I am on borrowed time.

 

I therefore suggest to all the temples around the world that have my

pictures on the alter that they take them down, for the immediate threat of

my leaving in days, weeks, or months is less likely. I love attention,

affection, and compassion, especially when it is coming from so many

wonderful sadhus and disciples. So, I still beg you in your own ways that

you continue your prayers for me. Nothing has changed other then I seem to

have been given a window or a certain short period to be functional. After

perhaps after two or three months once I get my prosthesis and after I

become rather functional with it I will set off for a last around the world

tour so that I can be able to see all of you, offer my appreciation, receive

your blessings and to share what little realizations I have acquired.

 

This of course is my present plan, but let’s see if this is consistently

Srila Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s plan. I think also the prayers from so many

of you to keep me here for a little while longer even though my time in this

service is more or less over is responsible for extending my stay in this

body. [so are you all my well-wishers or my greatest enemies, as you are

punishing me to stay longer in this wretched body (smile). It is a great

challenge for one who normally has not been very sick to all of a sudden to

come down with so many serious health problems. There is a price for

everything and Krsna is so expert, hiding in the heart, arranging to fulfill

our desires. So, I pray that I can desire to be a more genuine servant of

all of you during this short but extended time that I have been given to get

your association. How kind Srila Prabhupada is to all of us!

 

Srila Prabhupada himself asked for prayers that he could die in the

battlefield. We see in such an intense ill state that he was trying to go to

the west to Gita Nagari, and even when he went back to Vrindavan we could

still see that he was preaching up to practically his last breath.

Therefore, I am at this time feeling a greater desire to leave my body also

on the battlefield. I have canceled out the idea as of now of going to

Vrindavan or Mayapur to leave my body. More than likely I will leave from

the West in Gita Nagari. However, after everything is said and done I

continue to submit myself to Srila Prabhupada to use me anyway he sees fit

and to force me according to what his desires are.

 

P.S. [i cannot live or die, it seems I am still remaining to be stubborn?

(smile)]

 

With love,

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s service,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami