HH B.T.Swami Update

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna devotees,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

 

Once again I thank you for your kind wishes and prayers for the health

of our dear Guru maharaja, Bhakti Tirtha Swami. Below is the latest

update regarding his condition.

 

Your servant

Narayani devi dasi

 

Dear Maharaja and Prabhus,

 

 

Please accept my humble obeisances.

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

 

My personal update.

I have completed my first few weeks of intensive treatments in Mexico.

They went from 8:30am to 8:30pm. Eight hours each day I was on IV, which

administers different solutions through a catheter, which was inserted into

my chest.

In about 10days I will have some tests to have an evaluation about the

cancer. Earlier, it had spread to other parts of the body, but hopefully

we have now stopped it from advancing and gradually it will be eliminated.

HH Siva Ram Swami said to me, on the telephone, that my situation is like a

soap opera. I will say it is more like a roller coaster. (Smile)

Everyday I am trying to access gratitude, however some days it is more

difficult than others. The daily uncertainty, whether I will stay or leave

is quite an experience, and the days when the medicine and treatments bring

on their own side effects it can be overwhelming.

When I think of how all of you continue in service to Srila Prabhupada

despite so many set backs and challenges, I get renewed strength and

determination to rejoin you at some point in the near future.

I am sure there is a divine arrangement, for what I am going through, and

one way or another it will end auspiciously, all because of the prayers and

blessings of all of the Vaisnavas.

You have all read my Vyasa Puja offering, so you have a better idea of my

present mindset. This meditation #35 from my Beggar1 book is also

informative about my mood.

If you do not have time to read it, it is understandable.

 

Yours in service to Srila Prabupada,

With Love,

BT Swami

 

"I must be ready to make any sacrifice"

 

Dear Lord Syama, there is nothing too difficult to tolerate when it

comes to getting your direct association. The more you hide Yourself, the

more ecstasy there will be when we finally meet.

Dear Lord, being away from You and Your servants is unbearable. The

only way I am able to sustain my life is in anticipation of that glorious

reunion. I know that once I meet You and Your servants, I will immediately

forget the suffering and confusion I have experienced for millions of

lifetimes.

Dear Lord Syama, I became a madman thinking about Your association and

selfless love. When I reflect on how long lust has kept me imprisoned, I

want to immediately give up this body. It is my desire for these bodies

that has kept me away from You. Knowing this, how can I remain in one for

another day?

Dear Lord Syama, now that I am being reminded about You, I see how

irrelevant mundane scholarship is.

Dear Lord Syama, when I think about wealth, I think of the chore of

monitoring one's assets. When I am sleeping, unless I can dream of You, I

might as well be dead. Any action that does not center itself on You is a

waste of time.

Of friendship? Anyone who cannot direct me toYou is not a true

friend. When I think of fame, I think how burdensome it is to attract any

attention that doesn't focus itself on your glories.

Conversation that does not deal with the exchanges between You and

your servants is like a loud noise ringing in my ears. Reading anything

that cannot be used for Your service is a waste of time.

My Dear Lord Syama, afraid of facing another night void of Your

association, I try to stretch each day, thinking: "Before This day is

over, I will see the lotus feet of the Lord."

Now waking and sleeping are the same, as I am never at rest, for I must

search You out, wherever You may be.

My Dear Lord Syama, I will be so persistent in looking for You that

Lord Brahma will say: "This soul is more bewildered than I was before I

heard the word `tapah.' Please, Lord, give him Your mercy.

My dear Lord Syama, I will work so hard to see You that Hanuman will

shed tears, and coming to You he will beg You, saying " Please have mercy

on this soul."

My dear Lord Syama, I will study so intensely to understand Your

workings that Goddess Saraswati will have difficulty supplying the

necessary knowledge. As she tries, she will call out: "Lord, have mercy

on this poor soul."

My dear Lord Syama, I will pass so many tests, pushing Maya's

challenges far away one after another and screaming out for You, that Indra

will personally intervene, asking that I be given no more tests. He will

plead: Lord, has mercy on this soul.

My dear Lord, my fixed determination in getting Your association will

cause Kapila

To discuss such pastimes with his mother. It will cause Sukadeva to pause

for a moment in his conversation with Maharaja Pariksit, and say: "Lord,

have mercy on this poor wretched soul."

My dear Lord Syama, Rupa Gosvami himself will be so embarrassed to

see a fool such as I, devoid of all qualifications, trying to be a

renunciate in this hellish age of Kali.

Seeing that impossible situation, he will plead my case, saying "Lord, have

mercy on this poor soul."

My Dear Lord Syama, I will even attract the attention of Prahlada.

He will say: "This man has such a low birth, is extremely crude, and has no

attraction for the process. He is offensive to the devotees, envious of

the sadhus, and does not relish bhajans or kirtans. He has no attraction

for the Holy Name, is full of doubts and lust, and is even thinking that he

will get direct mercy from the Lord. Oh!! Lord! Have pity on this poor

soul, for without Your causeless mercy, there is no hope for such a

worthless case."

My dear Lord Syama, without aid from Your servants, without a glance of

concern from Your devotees, Your sweet association is impossible. There is

nothing that can fully qualify us for Your direct attention. Therefore, I

stand ready to do whatever is necessary, although I cannot do anything.

I am so pitiful that only if such glorious personalities petition You

on my behalf can all my great sins be forgiven. I have no qualifications

of my own. All I can do is pray to somehow or other attracts one of Your

pure servants to plead for me.

I am the beggar that has no hope for Your association, but cannot live

another day without it.

 

 

--

Jaya Radhe!

 

Arjuna said: You are the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the ultimate abode,

the purest, the Absolute Truth. You are the eternal, transcendental, original

person, the unborn, the greatest. All the great sages such as Narada, Asita,

Devala, and Vyasa confirm this truth about You, and now You Yourself are

declaring it to me. O Krsna, I totally accept as truth all that You have told

me. Neither the demigods nor the demons, O Lord, can understand Your

personality. (Bg As It Is)