so, just what is Applied then?

[Guest guest]

Madhumati devi dasi wrote:

 

> Please, therefore, let us have loving dealings! Priti-laksanam, ki jaya!

 

Nice text of yours! Thank you.

 

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"The whole system was that. Love exchange. (...) Dadati pratigrhnati bhunkte

bhojayate, guhyam akhyati prcchati. If I am in trouble, I express my mind, I

open my mind before you, and you also try to help me. These are the six

signs of love. That is Vedic civilization. Everything exchange of love. No

business, mercantile."

(Lecture, SB 2.3.24. - Los Angeles, June 22, 1972)

 

"And if you love somebody then you disclose your mind to him and try to

understand him also. By these six processes the symptoms of love is there.

But if you say that "I love you," but there is no action...

(Room conversation - September 19, 1973, Bombay)

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"try to understand him also"

 

This is how we will have loving dealings.

 

My experience is that if we are not sincerly endevouring to listen to each

other then there is all chances in the world that we will actually *not*

understand each other.

 

The reason why we *don't* put enough endevour to understand each other is

probably because we think that we *do* understand.

 

I think this conviction of us is our big illusion.

 

Every one of us is an individual and we have all an individual world view.

We have individual life expreiences. One person's life experience differ

from the other's experiences. We have all a gone through an individual

school in life. Even the understanding of the words are different from one

person to the other.

 

For one person the word respect means something frightening because he has

grown up in an atmosphere were respect was something frightening, but for

another person the word respect means something loving because he has grown

up in a different atmosphere.

 

We could take practically any word and ask ten different persons to describe

what the words means to them and we will find that there will be many

different understandings for each and every one of the words.

 

So how can we be so sure that we understand each other when we have such so

different understanding of everything, even the words? Yes, that is the

point. Of course maybe is exaggerating a little to make a point but I don't

think there is too much exaggerating when it boils down to it. We are

individuals and we are different, each one of us. That is just how it is.

 

Each one of us has a different understanding of most of what we see around

us. Even if we can agree on some things superficially, when one goes into

depth and tries to find out what we really think we will be surprised to

discover all the varigatedness which is there.

 

It is simply a fact that it is very difficult to understand each other -

even if we endeavour for it. Krishna is probably the only one who really

understand each and everyone of us fully.

 

So to think that there is no need to endeavour if one wants to understand

others is just an illusion.

 

loving relationships requires endeavour.

 

As Srila Prabhupada said: "But if you say that 'I love you,' but there is no

action..."

 

If we take a humble approach already from the start then I think we will

realize that we actually know less than what we thought.

 

I think humility is the mother of knowledge and also the mother of trust and

loving relationships.

 

If we first try to listen, and in this way try to understand, and then after

that, try to present how we have understood what we have heard, and also try

to get a confirmation wether we have heard properly or not, *then* we may

claim that we have understood to some degree.

 

I think confirmation is an important aspect of loving relationship. It means

that one cares from both sides. It is a loving act to ask for confirmation

and also to give confirmation.

 

The most difficult task is probably to learn the art of listening. The

reason why it is difficult is because it requires humility. But if one can

practice humility and train oneself to listen, then I think one will also

learn a lot. If we are lucky we may also be able to develop real humility by

such a process.

 

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"By humility and meekness one attracts the attention of Krsna."

(Antya 4.71, Purport)

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If we have prejudice for others then we will not understand them.

 

I think most quarrels are based on misunderstandings and lack of the ability

to listen. It is also difficult to give others the benefit of doubt.

 

Confidence is something that takes long time to develop, but it can be

ruined within a moment.

 

If we open up our heart and someone walks into our heart with dirty shoes

then we will probably not open it up again for that person.

 

Love is based on trust. If the trust is ruined in a relationship then it is

very difficult to build it up again.

 

Without trust there is no love. Love and trust are intermixed and both are

very fragile. They have to be handled with care.

 

loving dealings means especially that one doesn't hurt others with one's

words. If we can succed with this then I think we have gained a lot.

 

If we cannot stop hurting each other with our words then how can we please

Krishna?

 

Ys

Svarup