Begging your prayers and mercy at this critical time...

[Guest guest]

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus:

 

Please accept my most humble obeisances. All glories to His Divine Grace,

Srila Prabhupada.

 

My father has been hospitalized and may leave his body at any moment. Can

any one please advise me as to what I should do both before and after his

departure? I'm looking for all the detailed instruction I can get. I am an

ignorant fool and have no experience in dealing with the passing of anyone

other than Krsna's cows and oxen.Circumstantially I must bear full

responsibility for the spiritual affairs of my father's passing.

 

With straw in my teeth I am falling in the dust of the feet of the vaisnavas

and humbly begging that you please forgive my endless offenses and I beg

your kind and merciful prayers for the welfare of "Bhakta Phil Mattler" as

he is affectionately known to many devotees.

 

Bhakta Phil has always been extraordinarily dedicated to his devotee son and

many devotees will recall that for years he never failed to visit at least

weekly at the Henry St. and 55th St. temples in NY. Always kind and generous

in his dealings with devotees, he donated many thousands of dollars to

temples and devotees. He would never neglect anyone who needed help. On

occasion he joined the company of other devotees to greet Srila Prabhupada

when he arrived at the airport in NY and also attended several lectures

given by Srila Prabhupada. On at least one occasion, he received the entire

tray of the remnants of Srila Prabhupada's prasada.

 

Bhakta Phil hosted many devotees in his home for sometimes months on end and

accepted their huge phone bills. Sometimes devotees used his home for feast

programs and as a base for sankirtana. He tolerated rip-snorting mangala

arotika kirtanas at 4:30 am though he did not get up for work till 6:00.

Even devotees such as Harikesa Prabhu, while preaching and distributing

books, lived on and off in Bhakta Phil’s living room across a stretch of

months. Though very favorably impressed by Harikesa Prabhu and other

wonderful devotees, in later years his relationship with Iskcon was hurt.

Regrettably, some devotees began to take advantage of Bhakta Phil’s kindness

and generosity. Sometimes individuals borrowed money but never repaid,

sometimes disappearing after “borrowing” money. Bhakta Phil gradually became

a target for some individuals and his appreciation of devotees began to

erode. Though these unfortunate dealings were also Krsna’s great mercy on

him, he had difficulty to understand this. When a ten thousand dollar loan

to a GBC Sannyasi was not repaid, Bhakta Phil’s attitude toward the

devotees soured and there after his generosity was confined to his son.

 

Despite receiving years of so much special mercy, it was Bhakta Phil's great

misfortune to have been victimized by bad association in his private life

and also to have given birth to such a useless, rascal, offender as myself

and thus he has remained in the clutches of Maya, as have I. I will have to

live with the fact that I have failed to save one of my greatest

well-wishers from material life. If only I could have rendered some

meaningful service to Srila Prabhupada with purity and without spoiling

everything by my offenses, Bhakta Phil could have shared the benefit. If

only I had been a good disciple and true reflection of Srila Prabhupada, I

would have had the strength and knowledge to be able to help Bhakta Phil

combat Maya. Alas, I am a most fallen and wretched fool and cannot even help

myself, what to speak of others. The lives of both Bhakta Phil and myself

are simply dependent on the extraordinary mercy of the vaisnavas. Without

their mercy, we have no hope and so, my dear Prabhus, I fall down in the

dust of your feet again and again, humbly begging your forgiveness and

prayers.

 

Please forgive me for taking so much of your valuable time, and I thank you

all for the kindness and mercy you have always shown to my father and

myself. I hope this meets you in good health and Krsna consciousness and I

beg to remain always,

 

Your humble servant,

Taraka dasa