To srini and all Gurur Brahma

[Guest guest]

srini wrote:

 

Our Beloved Swamiji has written about the famous half-verse from

the Guru Gita:

 

Gurur Brahma, Gurur Vishnu, Gurur Devo Maheswara at

http://www.shreemaa.org/drupal/node/606

 

Please visit this page and post your comments

Dear srini and everyone,

 

(Please know that I am going to eventually get to the point of responding to

the beautiful passage from the Guru Gita, that Swamiji had posted on the

website. And I apologize for the lengthyness of my post, however, somehow, what

I have been going through recently relates to all I have learned here, to the

Sankalpas I have taken, and to Swamiji's post on the website.)

 

I have not been reading the Digest for the past week or so as I was called

to Oregon to attend my mother, Pat, on her death. I had two and a half

precious days, and when she left the body, my sister, MaryBeth (Mayi Maa), my

daughter, Amy, and I were all at her bedside singing to her ... something she had

always wanted. Our visual attention was focused on the song sheet for the

words, and for me the chords as I was playin guitar, so even though our heart

attention was totally focused on her, that was the time she chose to leave. In

much of the reading have done on death and dying and near death experiences, I

have read that it is quite often only when family members have left the room

to take a brief break that the loved one leaves. In many cases this causes

more sadness, but the longing of the family for their loved one, in a sense,

makes it harder for the dying person to leave. So it was with my mother, but

we were fortunate to be there.

 

This may sound a bit strange, but shortly after we had discovered she had

stopped breathing, I felt her touch the top of my head and "saw" her touch my

daughter's and my sister's heads as well. I think she was giving us a blessing.

She also sent me an image of a fox (psychic abilities, though not fully

developed, run in my family on my mother's side, among the females). I thought,

"you little fox, you."

 

Just after I had received the call to go to Oregon, I had also been visited

by my (deceased) maternal grandmother, who has visited me many times. I

believe my stepfather thought there was going to be more time, but my grandmother

showed me that she and other family members were getting ready to greet my

mother and welcome her to the "other side." She "showed me" that she had hung

evergreen boughs in the corners of the kitchen (this was the old kitchen in my

grandparents country home, and was the center of life at their house, with

many happy times having occurred there. I realized it was a "symbol," but it

was her way of showing me that my mother would go right into the arms of her

family, and that they were going to have a "party," also a big theme among my

grandmother, my mother and my sister.

 

I had shared this with my sister, who immediately shared it with my

stepfather. I keep forgetting that anything I share with my sister will be broadcast

to the rest of the family. Sometimes, this can be very useful, but, once

again, I had a reminder that there is no sharing "in confidence" with my sister.

I don't blame her; I don't think she can help herself. But she called me back

and told me in no uncertain terms that Joe, my stepfather, did not want me

telling my mother any of this.

 

But because she was so close to death when I arrived, and never really fully

concious, during one of my alone times with her, I did tell her. I had also

been given a message by her sister, with whom she had a lifelong difficult

relationship, and with whom she had been estranged for years when her sister

passed. She wanted my mother to know that she had always loved her, though she

did not know how to show it, and that when my mother crossed, she would be

waiting with open arms and heart, and my mother would know how much she had

been and was still loved. My grandmother told me that my mother would finally

know the happiness she had so desparately searched for all her life, happiness

beyond her comprehension.

 

And, as I learned when my maternal grandmother died, my sorrow is not for my

mother, it is my own personal sorrow that she is gone, that she is no longer

in the physical body. I know she is happy now. Even though I realize she is

still "here" in the soul (subtle?) body, there is, as I also discovered with

my grandmother's death, a time of deep loss because the person is no longer in

the physical body. I have never been present when someone has died, and I

could never have had a clearer lesson about the life force that animates the

body. When it has gone, the body is only a dried husk. Later, when we were

able to function again, we practiced the song we had been singing when my mother

died so it could be played at the memorial service. My mother was cremated,

and the service is this Thursday. Because of my abject fear of flying, I had

to adhere to the flight schedule we had planned because my hubby came with

me, primarily to support me during the flight and also while I was there.

 

The EMS Sankalpa and the Guru Gita Sankalpa were my anchors. Though I didn't

get much done with the EMS, I continued with the Guru Gita every day. My

daughter and I had also sung the MM Mantra for my mother the morning before she

died, and we (including my sister) sang it again after she had gone. MaryBeth

put tumeric on her forehead and the tops of her feet, and we all put the

little wildflowers from her desert home around her head. Even in death, she

looked beautiful. Later we went on the deck and did puja to the Shiva Lingam

"garden" my sister had planted in all the flower boxes on the railing.

 

Because Joe never liked flowers and was really against the flower boxes when

my sister originally bought them, she felt she shouldn't put flowers there,

so she collected, as she went for walks, lingam shaped rocks in all sizes. I

walked with her after I got there, so I was able to contribute to the garden.

We went around to each box, poured holy water on each rock, put tumeric on

the top of the rock (a few times, my sister put the three lines across the rock

"face") and sang Om Namah Shivaya. When we were done, there was still some

holy water left, so my sister poured some on top of my head and put tumeric on

the top of my head and my forehead. Then I did the same to her, but I am not

so used to this, so I really drenched her. I believe Shiva had a hand in

this because, for a moment, our feelings were transformed, and we had some

sorely needed laughter. Then she did the same to my daughter.

 

At one point while I was there, my sister had said to me, "Swamiji always

says take what you want and make it your own." And she gave me two beautiful

examples of what this. But seeing it in action made it much clearer. And I am

grateful that my stepfather allowed us our puja time with mother, even though

he is a born again Christian. I think he knew we needed to do this, to give

blessing and honor to my mother, and to feel some closure after her death.

 

Swamiji and Shree Maa have my undying gratitude for their prayers and

thoughts for my mother, before and after she died. (And, of course, for everything

they do.) When I read what Swamiji had written (the above referenced post),

if he had been anywhere in the vicinity,

I would have thrown myself at his feet in gratitude.

 

Due to the immediacy of what I am experiencing, the "Gurur Brahma, Gurur

Vishnu, Gurur Devo Maheswara" made me reflect on my mother's life, her crossing,

and her new life. Despite the abuse my mother lived with for 21 years before

she left my biological father, it was clear that Brahma had endowed her with

immense creativity, and of course, the creativity of life itself and of the

birth and lives of her 3 children. In the growing up of me and my siblings,

this manifested primarily in her support for the creativity each of her

children were gifted with. She made sure I had art lessons, that my sister had dance

lessons, and that my brother had the peddle steel he wanted to badly. (He

still plays in a band.) She drove me, in my late teens, to coffee houses where

I would sing; she would go hear John's band; she would attend any

performance my sister was involved with. Early on, she had sung in a choir, and her own

creativity came out in her involvement in projects that addressed the needs

of young people. Brahma blessed my mother with so much creativity, as he also

blessed her children.

 

Vishnu protected my mother and helped her keep her sanity as she endured

terrible abuse. He also protected her children, as she was unaware of some of

the abuse we endured. Vishnu protected us and helped us make it to where we were

able, as adults, to be contributing members of society, in our own ways. He

protected my mother big time when her car had a roll over in a snow storm,

and again, when she developed a huge tumor. One day, as she told the story, she

was standing at the kitchen sink praying. She felt "something." The next

time she went to the doctor, the tumor was gone. He couldn't explain it. He

protected her by arranging for her to meet Joe, and I can't imagine anyone more

protective of my mother than Joe. He is 15 years younger than she was, and I

believe this is another way Vishnu protected my mother because, as she

gradually became more and more ill, Joe was her caretaker. Had he been the same age,

this might not have been possible. Even towards the end, Vishnu protected

her and, except for periodic visits from the hospice nurse and the home health

care nurse, all of her end of life care was provided by Joe and my sister

(who is also a nurse).

 

Shiva helped her transform her life, get a job, leave my father, and

eventually meet and remarry my stepfather. When he retired from the army, they left

the DC area and moved to eastern Oregon, where her transformation continued

as she took piano lessons, bought a keyboard, and went around with two of her

new friends to play and sing for nursing home patients. She again became very

involved in the community, especially in ways that benefited children and

youth. During the last 20 years of her life, her transformation into illness and

finally death was very slow. I think Vishnu had a hand in this also because

it protected her in a physical way, from suddenly falling ill and losing all

her abilites at once. And it protected her in an emotional way because it was

so gradual, she was able to get used to and accept the downward spiral of

her health. And because it was a gradual process, she was better able to deal

with it, and, to the extent possible, continue her music and her community

involvement. Even in her last month of life, she was still doing this,

"according to her capacity," as Swamiji says. And, of course, the transformation of a

life, from birth to death and after, is always continuing as a process.

 

My mother had the good fortune, thanks to my sister, to meet Shree Maa and

Swamiji, and when I wrote to Swamiji, giving him some details my sister had

provided, he wrote that he remembered her well. And, even though she was a born

again Christian, she embraced the spirituality her two daughters and her one

granddaughter had embraced. Whatever names are used, the Supreme Divinity is

recognized, according to the individual. And as the passage Swamiji showed,

the Guru is these forms and names, in this case, Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva;

All are One; and All are inside and outside. So, for me, at this moment, the

post is not an abstract concept, which it might have been. It is a living

expression of life and all that is.

 

My screen name, Nierika, is a Huichol Indian word. It means "portal to other

(sacred) realities and "mirror and face of the diety." It reminds me of

exactly what the Guru Gita says, as paraphrased above. When I look out of my

eyes, I am reminded that everything I see is Divine, and because what I see is

also a mirror reflecting myself back to me, I am reminded that I also am Divine

(a bit more difficult for me).

 

And therefore, we bow down to the Respect Guru

Jai Maa , Jai Swamiji , Jai Brahma , Jai Vishnu , Jai Shiva ~ Linda