kirtan & sat kriya; retention issues

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam!

 

Thank you for posting the reminder about the new moon.. yesterday I started right away with Kirtan Kriya and am determined to keep the practice up, possibly even longer than the 40 days. I am doing also Sat Kriya, because I have practiced it before and liked it.

 

I guess both kriyas will result beneficial for my present condition...

In the recent months I have gone through some sort of inner process (the long melon-cleanse was part of it though I never make it through on the water days and then start all over again), which helped me to see my goals very clear for the first time in my life. So for example after cutting my ties of dependency with my parents (using a healing technique on myself), who, in fact, I hardly relate to because of living abroad and away from them for over 14 years, I realized that what I have always wanted to be and do in life, is still possible to do and that I just need to set aside my guilt towards my parents for not being who they want me to be.

I realized that the subject that I am investigating right now for my doctorate is just the very thing I have wanted to do for many years (plus they don´t know about it, so I´m "safe" from their opinions about it) and that, from some perspective, I have lost quite a lot of time in adapting my path to other people´s opinions that acted like obstacles to getting things done. For most of the time I have been doing things to please others, to get some kind of reward, to justify myself, often combining what I wanted with something others wanted, thus putting a double effort, ending up with having done plenty of studies and certificates (which are an obstacle in themselves because the employers I´d like to have consider that I am "overqualified" which has forced me now to accept low-pay jobs in order to have at least some job!!!).

 

Well, now that I have finally clearly assumed that this is what happened, I find myself confronted with a inner blockage that I have been trying to deal with over the last few weeks.

 

The days pass and I can hardly do anything about it. It is certainly some ego-stuff but it´s kind of stronger than "me", my real Self. Perhaps someone of you could give me the crucial advice that I don´t find by myself:

 

In September I have to hand in several essays in order to conclude this first phase of my doctoral studies. I am experienced in investigation, have already set up interesting topics for each of the essays with the professors and have plenty material at hand. BUT I just don´t overcome the writing blockage. When under other circumstances I would write an essay within two or three days, this time I advance only sentence by sentence. Right now there is still time left to get things done but my will power is shivering.

 

It is as if I´d be outside of myself and observing if I am going to betray myself (and not write the essays and thus miss the whole year and perhaps lose the whole opportunity bec. it is so difficult to work and study at the same time) or if I am going to be good with myself and my teachers who I like very much and who are looking forward to receiving the essays.

 

I am doing for the first time what I really want to do, but I am totally stuck in speeding up. It is as if I am retaining something. Maybe anger, as often is suggested in this forum. - I try to tell myself that I love myself and therefore will now put my ideas on the paper but it is as if I am frozen in. The necessary intuition for dealing with the topics is fully there... it is some other blockage that puts everything on halt.

 

The danger is that I might really leave things to the ultimate second and then it will be impossible to hand everything in before the deadline expires.... strangely, a part within me seems to enjoy the fear and the suffering that is related with this situation; there is some masochistic part about it as if I´d like to do myself harm.

 

There might be a relation that, on a physical level, I tend towards retention, water retention and constipation. The melon-cleanse helped me in some way as I have given up my usual coffeinfree coffee and chocolate, and showed me that probably anything containing egg and milk isn´t beneficial for me (so I substitute bread and breadlike things with soy and rice crisp).

 

To sum it up, I just don´t find into the "flow". Rationally, I know now what I want to do and it feels more than right but it is as if I were continually holding myself back from imersing myself totally in my Soul´s drive and wanting.

 

Please excuse this lengthy message which I don´t know how to put shorter. Perhaps some of you have had a similar experience and could suggest a kriya or meditation that could help me to let go of my inner enemy. I thought that I had let go of being victim of others, now I am caught up by my ego...

 

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.

Betty

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Dear Betty:

 

 

 

While working on my Ph.D., I felt bored and feared that I was doing it

because my dad wanted me to do it. My relationship with my dad was tense

during that time. Now I can see the conflict was really in me. My Ph.D.

wasn't nourishing me, yet I was scared to leave the university environment,

I was scared to face the world and who I wanted to be in the world. Being a

student was easy for me so I sort of got stuck there! I finished my Ph.D. in

1990 and life has brought me, since then, to experience my fear of the world

in broad daylight so to speak.

 

 

 

Now, you know that what your are researching and studying is fun and

nourishing for you. But you are new to being truly who you are in the world

and that may bring some fear. What will happen to you when you are done with

your Ph.D.? If you have some fear about your future, then it is really hard

to motivate yourself to do whatever work you have before you that would

bring you closer to completion.

 

 

 

Your difficulty with your parents is a measure of your own comfort or

discomfort with yourself. When you feel completely at peace with your

choices, your parents will recognize it as well, most likely. My best guess

is they are picking up on your own self doubts.

 

 

 

How to deal with that?

 

 

 

Yikes! These fears are complex. They are why you are here in this life; to

overcome them, to be yourself. Yogi Bhajan says something like: "Don't worry

about feeling different! That's exactly what the world needs! Be you!"

 

 

 

So you're well on your way!

 

 

 

When you notice self doubts, notice them, and avoid reacting to them or

fighting them. Feel them in you but don't think they define you. They are

just voices from the past. And then tune in to your heart. What does your

heart desires most in the world? Then notice if there's any fear around

supporting your heart in its dreams. Would you support yourself the way you

would support a friend?

 

 

 

So you are on the most important adventure there is! I can't wait to see

what you bring to the world!

 

 

 

Blessings, Awtar

[Guest guest]

Dear Betty

You are suffering too much. What are you afraid of? Not living up to the

expectations of your professors? Writer's block is definitely in the mind

and the mind can be very stubborn. Sit down now and start putting all you

ideas on paper and the revise. When you see the writing in front of you , it

will become more of a reality not something rolling around in your head. Stop

and analyzing and put it down. You will kill all your ideas if you keep doing

this head trip. If the essays aren't good enuf your professors will tell

you and give you hints on revision. Get tough and put it down.

 

Been there done that and still do it until I put it on paper/

Lovingly

Teresa

[Guest guest]

Dear Awtar,

 

thank you very much for your thorough reply!

 

You are right with you question whether I´m my best friend. The situation I´m in now is a challenge to see if I will take care of my path. I used to betray my own interests in exchange for being in peace with others. But of course that could only be a superficial peace. Being authentic is what counts.

 

Your case was nearly opposite to mine. I´ve already been out in the world but I could not fully manifest what I wanted to do because I hadn´t dedicated time on my further studies. -

No, I am not afraid of a future after these studies. It would be the best future I could have... my problem is to allow myself to have it and to take these little steps that bring me closer to it.

Interestingly my parents never had high aims for me. They wanted me to be a secretary with a fix job, nothing to worry about and plenty of time that I could dedicate to further reading etc. Though I understand that this idea stems from a loving thought for me, it has always pulled me down and disencourged selfesteem. For too long I have taken the fearful advice of others instead of following with courage my heart´s desire.

 

And that is how I am trembling right now, trying to walk with my own feet on a selfchosen path and be generous towards myself, believing that I can have what I want. - Evidently it is not the papers that I have to hand in.. it´s this emotional block that I need to overcome for coming into the flow..

 

These last days felt that my concentration (which usually is very good) has improved a bit, probably thanks to the few KY exercises (kirtan; sat nam; against negativity; and a bit navel kriyas) that I´m doing.

 

Thank you again for sharing your experience and taking my question serious.

With love to everybody,

Betty

 

 

 

 

 

kundalini_yoga (AT) hotmail (DOT) com escribió: Dear Betty:

 

While working on my Ph.D., I felt bored and feared that I was doing it

because my dad wanted me to do it. My relationship with my dad was tense

during that time. Now I can see the conflict was really in me. My Ph.D.

wasn't nourishing me, yet I was scared to leave the university environment,

I was scared to face the world and who I wanted to be in the world. Being a

student was easy for me so I sort of got stuck there! I finished my Ph.D. in

1990 and life has brought me, since then, to experience my fear of the world

in broad daylight so to speak.

 

Now, you know that what your are researching and studying is fun and

nourishing for you. But you are new to being truly who you are in the world

and that may bring some fear. What will happen to you when you are done with

your Ph.D.? If you have some fear about your future, then it is really hard

to motivate yourself to do whatever work you have before you that would

bring you closer to completion.

 

Your difficulty with your parents is a measure of your own comfort or

discomfort with yourself. When you feel completely at peace with your

choices, your parents will recognize it as well, most likely. My best guess

is they are picking up on your own self doubts.

 

How to deal with that?

 

Yikes! These fears are complex. They are why you are here in this life; to

overcome them, to be yourself. Yogi Bhajan says something like: "Don't worry

about feeling different! That's exactly what the world needs! Be you!"

 

So you're well on your way!

 

When you notice self doubts, notice them, and avoid reacting to them or

fighting them. Feel them in you but don't think they define you. They are

just voices from the past. And then tune in to your heart. What does your

heart desires most in the world? Then notice if there's any fear around

supporting your heart in its dreams. Would you support yourself the way you

would support a friend?

 

So you are on the most important adventure there is! I can't wait to see

what you bring to the world!

 

Blessings, Awtar

[Guest guest]

Dear Teresa,

 

Many thanks for your reply to my "issue"!

As a matter of fact I have already written down a more-or-less outline for all of the papers and have got plenty of material at hand, bibliography vital to make it good research.

So I am not even in the head with my ideas.

It is some Fear that I have never experienced before and that is why I wrote to the group: for example, I sit infront of one paper and I know what subchapters I want to write and how it should all fit together and I have all I need for doing it, there is no thematical problem at all, but I suddenly feel a total loss of energy and can not go any further. It is as if I´d like to scream or run away...

Part of this unusual reaction might come as well from the unusual heat that everybody is experiencing here (I´m located in Spain) this Summer in particular, with 30-40 Celsius day and night.

On the other hand I don´t think that I can make an excuse just on the heat. It is actually just the factor that helps bringing to the surface deeper unresolved emotional issues.

Today I bought some Gingko natural medicine which I hope can help to calm down and keep concentration awake and just write everything out.

The papers in itself just need to be "handed in"... I don´t think that the professors will look through them with absolute care nor will the mark really matter. In theory it is easy but for some reason or the other I am kind of stuck.

Thank you again for minding to reply.

Two days ago I read a comment in the KY centre here saying "There are no dramas except those which we create ourselves and nurture by talking about them." .. in that sense I´ve perhaps created my drama and keeping myself away from getting ahead by talking about it. I´m sorry. Suddenly I just didn´t know how to deal with it.

Very best and love to all,

Betty

 

Sendag (AT) aol (DOT) com escribió: Dear Betty

You are suffering too much. What are you afraid of? Not living up to the

expectations of your professors? Writer's block is definitely in the mind

and the mind can be very stubborn. Sit down now and start putting all you

ideas on paper and the revise. When you see the writing in front of you , it

will become more of a reality not something rolling around in your head. Stop

and analyzing and put it down. You will kill all your ideas if you keep doing

this head trip. If the essays aren't good enuf your professors will tell

you and give you hints on revision. Get tough and put it down.

 

Been there done that and still do it until I put it on paper/

Lovingly

Teresa

[Guest guest]

Dear Betty:

 

 

 

If you have a hard time moving forward, there is a fear stalling you. You

have gone that far. Now you need to feel that fear energy and drop the label

"fear", simply acknowledging the energy of it that blocks you and giving it

total space to express itself within you. Your mind is telling you

everything is alright, there's no reason for the fear. That's what parents

tell their children all the time. But if there's fear, there's something

that wants to be heard.

 

 

 

Take this time to bring peace to the energy you feel by totally embracing

it, accepting it with open arms, loving yourself so much that there is space

for all this resistance. When you have felt it completely, it will dissolve

on its own and you will know what is causing the block you are momentarily

experiencing.

 

 

 

Best wishes and blessings,

 

Awtar

[Guest guest]

Hi, Betty,

 

I am a lawyer and recently ran into a similar blockage (or burnout) in

drafting a major brief and other supporting documents. I found the Yogi

Tea "Stress Relief" formula with kava to be especially helpful (along

with prayer, contemplation and a strong sadhana which included 31

minutes of sat kriya) in getting through the blockage. The Yogi Tea can

be purchased commercially and probably also over the internet. I found

that though it was very hard to get started and to "get traction" once I

did get something down on paper the whole project started to pick up

momentum and the blockage was overcome.

 

Sat Nam and Blessings!

 

Steve Porter

 

--

A. Steven Porter

Attorney at Law

6417 Normandy Lane, Suite 200

Madison, Wisconsin 53719

(608) 298-2285

 

*********************************************************************

NOTICE: This is a confidential and legally privileged communication. If you have received this transmission in error, please destroy it without reading it or forwarding it, and notify the sender. Thank you.

**********************************************************************

[Guest guest]

Dear Awtar,

 

thank you for your encouragement and clear analysis.

This fear is just another one of these "worries" which I am nearly used to having, because my parents and everybody related to me uses to be very worrysome, but this time the fear hit me accumulated and in full. An ego issue.

 

Two days ago, my mind became all of a sudden very calm and I felt very connected with myself. Within this mental clarity I simply knew "it is very important for my life that I write these essays". Yet, to this statement weren´t attached any fears anymore. That evening I was able to reconnect with writing, which I really like doing, and felt very much in harmony and could go on further.

 

I continue to do both sat and kirtan kriya, plus a few others. The kriyas make a great difference as the days pass...

 

The unusual heat of the summer is still some kind of obstacle for putting myself to work but I see a huge difference between the heat-problem and the Fear. As for now, it seems to me that - thanks really to the support of this group - I might have overcome it. The deep anxiety that seemed unsurpassable is gone.

I am still a bit nervous about how I will manage everything but this little nervousness is positive, it pushes me positively forward.

 

Really, thank you so much, everybody, for sharing your experiences and for helping me understand the various aspects of the feeling in order to be able to find an emotional approach and openness to deal with it!

 

Thank you.

Betty

 

 

 

 

kundalini_yoga (AT) hotmail (DOT) com escribió: Dear Betty:

 

If you have a hard time moving forward, there is a fear stalling you. You

have gone that far. Now you need to feel that fear energy and drop the label

"fear", simply acknowledging the energy of it that blocks you and giving it

total space to express itself within you. Your mind is telling you

everything is alright, there's no reason for the fear. That's what parents

tell their children all the time. But if there's fear, there's something

that wants to be heard.

 

Take this time to bring peace to the energy you feel by totally embracing

it, accepting it with open arms, loving yourself so much that there is space

for all this resistance. When you have felt it completely, it will dissolve

on its own and you will know what is causing the block you are momentarily

experiencing.

 

Best wishes and blessings,

 

Awtar

[Guest guest]

Dear Steve,

 

thanks a lot for indicating the Stress Relief-Yogi Tea with Kava!

 

For the particular circumstances I am in (shared flat in Barcelona with no kitchen etc etc) I am not able to make tea in my room but I will get some natural Kava-medicine. I have started to take some herbal medicine for the nervous system that regulates the heart beat which is also helping me, as well as Gingko and Pu-Erh tea extract for keeping up mental energy (as it is here very hot and a lot of noise around as well). Alltogether this turns out very helpful. But I know now that the main issue is to trust in myself and be open towards my own success, in brief, in being my own, very best and benevolent friend. The things that I have to do are not difficult in themselves. I was just too excited about the idea of getting them done and accepting to now being really on the road that I have been wanting to be on for a long time. - I don´t know why it is difficult to let go of victim-role issues!

 

Most of all it is important that you, being a lawyer, share about the experience you had because it shows that a heavy blockage can happen anytime to anybody... it is not a problem of the intellect but of emotions being stuck and helping us to search more for who we are and what our purpose of action is.

 

Thank you and with very best greetings to all,

Betty

 

 

"A. Steven Porter" <asp (AT) mailbag (DOT) com> escribió: Hi, Betty,

 

I am a lawyer and recently ran into a similar blockage (or burnout) in

drafting a major brief and other supporting documents. I found the Yogi

Tea "Stress Relief" formula with kava to be especially helpful (along

with prayer, contemplation and a strong sadhana which included 31

minutes of sat kriya) in getting through the blockage. The Yogi Tea can

be purchased commercially and probably also over the internet. I found

that though it was very hard to get started and to "get traction" once I

did get something down on paper the whole project started to pick up

momentum and the blockage was overcome.

 

Sat Nam and Blessings!

 

Steve Porter

 

--

A. Steven Porter

Attorney at Law

6417 Normandy Lane, Suite 200

Madison, Wisconsin 53719

(608) 298-2285

 

*********************************************************************

NOTICE: This is a confidential and legally privileged communication. If you have received this transmission in error, please destroy it without reading it or forwarding it, and notify the sender. Thank you.

**********************************************************************

 

 

 

 

"You must find your treasure in order to make sense of everything you discovered on the path." http://www.warriorofthelight.com

 

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