Inquiries Into the Absolute: Digest 179, Responsibly Dealing withParents

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Digest 179, August 1st, 2006. Answers by His Holiness Romapada Swami Maharaja

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Responsibly Dealing with Parents

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Question: I am writing this mail to inform you about an obstacle I am facing in

my attempt to practice Krishna Consciousness. I come from a so called

"traditional Brahmin family". We are said to be belonging to a sect which

represents original "Vedic tradition" Brahmins. I guess, like anyone else, my

parents and especially my Mother is totally upset about my devotional

activities. Now they are coming to know about the lifestyle of a devotee -

mostly through their speculation, based on their experience, I guess.

 

My mother has warned me that I should keep away from ISKCON. I should not go to

the temple, nor keep association of devotees. I am even forbidden from reading

Srila Prabhupada's books. She has said she is my best well wisher and the

ISKCON devotees are trying to put me into maya - on a completely wrong path.

She even says - she and my father will have to take a "Neecha Janma" (degraded

life) because of my devotional activities.

 

But the problem is - over the last few months I have developed so much

attachment to devotional service that I cannot leave it at any cost. I have

been trying to chant regularly, worship a Radha Krishna deity along with Srila

Prabhupada & Pancha Tattva, at home. I offer flowers and dhoop every day. I

constantly chant - when I am driving or when I am free. I try to listen to

nothing other than bhajans and Kirtans when at home. I regularly read the

literature of Srila Prabhupada. I think no one will be able to convince me that

taking to Krishna Consciousness is not the right thing.

 

Now my mother has threatened me that she may even commit suicide. She says she

will throw away all pictures / deities of Lord Krishna at home and she will

start hating Lord Krishna. Even in the best case, she might leave home and stay

at her parent's place or a pilgrimage place like Kasi. I think she got very

disturbed because my social life may be so much different from non-devotees.

 

Moreover I am the only son - apart from 2 daughters. I have tried to explain

to her about the rationale behind taking to Krishna Consciousness. I have also

told her that we are no longer acting like "brahmins", about which we are so

proud of.

 

All this is of no avail. I have to confront my mother and I either loose her or

I stop practicing Krishna Consciousness. Both are painful to me. Please guide

me. I beg your mercy.

 

**** End of Question ****

 

Answer: First of all, congratulations for your firm conviction and earnestly

accepting the process of pure devotion that Srila Prabhupada has magnanimously

brought to us. Please rest assured that as you steadily cultivate and become

mature in your own Krishna consciousness and with careful, considerate and

mature dealings with your parents, the situation will improve and their outlook

towards Krishna consciousness is sure to change for the better, without your

having to take any drastic measures.

 

It appears from your description that the main cause for concern for your

parents is based on certain misgivings they might have about Krishna

consciousness and more importantly how they think it might affect your life as

well your relationship with them and others. It would thus help to address

their concerns and reassure them on these particular issues, rather than trying

to reason with them or convince them rationally about the validity and

importance of this process and so on. In fact, you can be sure that the best of

logical conclusions and philosophy would not reach their hearts until their

concerns and fears are allayed by your own reassuring conduct and day-to-day

dealings.

 

The best course of action at this point, therefore, would be to avoid all sorts

of arguments and confrontations; instead, simply reassure your mother of your

respect and love for her, both by words and more importly in everyday actions,

while maintaining your personal practices without much ado. In other words,

internally, inconspicuously and quietly do your devotional practices without

stirring attention; and by manifesting higher qualities such as humility and

respect in your dealings with them, being caring and considerate, being

responsible in your day-to-day activities and participating normally in some of

the routine social interactions, you can allay her fears, show her that they

are unwarranted and gain her trust.

 

You can personally take this apparent tension as an opportunity provided by

Krishna to deepen your own devotion, to enable you to go beyond the formal

activities and enter into the real spirit of devotional service, to study

scriptures more attentively and so on, which will then carry into and

illuminate all of your interactions with family members and the society at

large.

 

As far your parents forbidding you from performing devotional activities is

concerned, you could gently but firmly explain to them that as an adult and

working individual, you deserve the freedom to choose your personal activities,

preferences and mode of worship as long as it does not disrupt other's lives;

in all fairness, you cannot let anyone impede this freedom to cultivate your

eternal relationship with the Supreme Lord.

 

And yet, quite apart from the spiritual reasons that inspire you personally,

you can appeal to your parents from just an ordinary platform that these

particular activities give you great peace of mind, and you have chosen them

just as someone else might choose movies, sports or music. You could highlight

to them in a light-hearted manner, the benefits of the sattvic eating habits

and social habits even from the mundane point of view. They should be happy and

proud that you have chosen this rather than some of the quite corrupt

activities that modern youth are prone to indulge in today's rapidly degrading,

westernized culture overtaking India. Rather than focusing on the differences

between your traditional practices and Krishna consciousness, highlight to them

how similar and close it is to the pure practices and ideals of your own

tradition, and so on.

 

Regarding your mother's well-intentioned but misinformed concern that your

devotional activities would lead them to a degraded birth, this is simply not

true; if anything, they are assured of a much higher destination simply by

virtue of your simple yet heartfelt devotional practices such as chanting and

associating with saintly persons, which are superior to even high-grade Vedic

sacrifices! For the sake of strengthening your own personal conviction, you

might like to recollect numerous examples from scriptures that give quite a

contrary picture to your mother's idea. For example, see the prayers by

Prahlada Maharaja (http://vedabase.net/sb/7/9/10/en ) and Prayers by Devahuti

(http://vedabase.net/sb/3/33/7/en)

 

It might be beneficial to arrange for your parents to meet with some

experienced and well-situated devotee(s), if possible of similar age and

cultural background, whom you feel your parents would be able to respect and

trust; in such association they might be able to resolve some of these basic

misunderstandings and cultural differences. This need not be an immediate,

primary step but can be considered when they become somewhat more comfortable,

receptive and not so threatened by your practices.

 

In any case, I would like to suggest that you be totally non-confrontational

and joyful in all your dealings with your family members. Your genuine

happiness and the qualities you exhibit would be the best argument that could

convince them. This will take time, and may not be accomplished overnight;

meanwhile be patient, both with your parents as well as with yourself as you

mature in your application of Krishna consciousness.

 

I hope this is of help in overcoming your obstacle. I wish you the very best.

Hare Krishna!

 

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http://vcal.iskcondc.org/cgi-bin/renderphilo.pl?digestname=digest179

 

Responses to some very frequently asked questions (Karma, free-will, demigods,

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Jesus Christ, spiritual and material relationships and morality of Lord Krsna's

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