Say 'cheese' or 'ha, ha!'

[saidevo]

I have a small collection of clean humour. I shall post them under three heads in this thread: Jokes, Episodes and Trivia.

 

Definition of quality humour:

Humour is the quick perception of lack of proportion and kind expression of it.

 

Jokes

1. "You know the difference between a priest and a donkey?" asked the lawyer.

"What's that?", said the priest.

"The priest prays, the donkey brays."

"Well", said the priest calmly, "you know the difference between a lawyer and a donkey?"

"No", said the lawyer.

"There's no difference."

 

2. The greatest trial of patience is a stammering barrister examining a stuttering witness in the presence of a deaf judge.

 

3. Snakeskins make the best shoes.

And banana skins make the best slippers.

 

Episodes

Michael DeBakey

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

 

Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey...Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

 

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

 

DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly to Morris, "Try doing your work with the engine running."

 

Trivia

Birds and Animals

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It wanted to get to the other side of the road.

Why did it cross back?

It was a double crosser.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road at 11:00 pm?

It was working overtime.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

The chicken was off duty.

 

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

 

See you later.