To Linda- about relationships

[Guest guest]

Dear Linda,

 

I hope you don't mind my reacting to your post about relationships. Of

course all circumstances are different and I don't mean to compare in

any way, because obviously you are having a very difficult time,

butyour post about your partner and his computergames made me realize

something. So, even though mine is a different situation, I would like

to share what I learned over the past year or so:

 

I know about this 'computer addiction' and I too have so often felt

frustrated because my husband sat behind his computer as soon as he

got up or got home, playing what I perceived to be a stupid game or

other, instead of pursuing what I thought to be more 'worthwhile'

activities, like meditation or watching me perform puja (yes, I do

like an audience). And there have been many times that I have

regretted the fact that he does not share my enthusiasm and that he is

not particularly interested in Shree Maa and Swamiji's teachings and I

have sometimes felt very alone and frustrated.

Yet there have been many more times when he has put me to shame by

demonstrating so much more love, compassion and honesty than I could

muster in any given circumstance, so much more wisdom and kindness, so

much more patience and forbearance (and also by never once criticizing

what I am doing or raising objections or ridiculing me), that I have

come to realize that he certainly is 'plugged in' even though I can't

see how.

I now often feel I learn from him, precisely because he follows his

own path (even though of course our paths intertwine too) and adheres

faithfully (or stubbornly, as I would describe it in one of my lesser

moments) to his own truth. Keeps me from becoming dogmatic:)

Having recovered from the shock that he would not and will not

(although you never know) do as I do, I am now content (most of the

time) in my own corner of the room; and one of the advantages of his

ability to amuse himself is that I get a lot of time for my own

practice! I still think it is very beautiful and a great blessing if

two partners share their spiritual practice. But there are many ways

in which people can grow together, and learn from each other, I have

found.

 

Now, having said all this, I hope you understand my husband is no

saint and sometimes he drives me up the wall (as I do him, I'm sure).

But I wanted to tell you this because I am certain your partner is

'plugged in' as well in some mysterious way. We all are. Sometimes the

current is strong, sometimes weak, and sometimes we get our wires

crossed and we get to sit in the dark. But the Power which connects us

is always there.

 

Please don't think I am belittling your situation. I just wanted to

tell you what I learned. I hope and pray everything works out well for

you both and you can find a way to turn on the light again,

 

 

with love,

Henny

 

 

, nierika wrote:

>

>

> shreemaadevote posted:

>

> ...The most important accomplishment of human life is self

> realization. It doesn't matter what we become, it doesn’t matter

what we

> attain, it doesn’t matter what we possess. All of that is so

temporary. It

> will

> all be left behind after only a moment's enjoyment. A well-lived

life is

> one

> that is full of love and joy and peace and compassion."

>

>

>

> Ah ~ devotee ~ I sense a "thread" here. The last digest had another

post

> about relationships, and believe me, at this point I have no idea ..

.. but, more

> compassion on my part is certainly in order. It is just a bit

difficult when

> the compassion has to be applied to my partner making an online

computer game

> more important than anything else in his life. It is like his

"worship." He

> gets up at 4 or 5 in the morning so he can play before he goes to

work. He

> gets back on almost as soon as he gets home. We have a brief time

together while

> we eat dinner, and then he is back on. It is like being with somone

who is

> having an affair ... but with a machine. And I just can't wrap my

brain around

> it. We've talked, negotiated, everything, but eventually it all

goes back to

> the game being the most compelling aspect of his life. Perhaps if I

am able

> to put aside my selfish desire to share his time and attention and

apply

> those four attributes in the quote: "love and joy and peace and

compassion,"

> something may change, if only in my own heart and mind. Thank you

for posting

> quotes that are keeping me in a state of remembrance of what is

really

> important. Jai Maa , Jai Swamiji ~ Linda

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for posting these gems from your lives. I think

these are things we can all relate to.

In the past I seemed to think I had so much to teach my husband

about love and have only found that he was much wiser than I. I

slso felt I had so much to teach him about God then once again he

opened my eyes and now here I am.

We think we know but I now have found, there is always more to learn

& by staying open to knowledge (remaining teachable), and not being

so controling of others lives and paths. I've grown much more than I

would have if I had spent all my time pushing others into what was

what I thought was best for them.

Being a parent has tought me this even more. I tried to control

rather than teach by example and in doing so only created striff.

Just yesterday when starting on a new book; Autobiography of a Yogi--

Paramahansa Yogananda--I got an even better understanding of all

this. In the first chapter he discribes his helpless humiliations of

infancy. Of being conscious of being unable to walk and to express

hiself freely. Of crying fits as he felt all this frustration and

unable to express it. I began to think back on my childhood and

rememberd how I saw myself in my minds eye as grown not childlike.

Suddenly it became even more clear to me that these beings we call

our children are not OUR children but simply BEINGS. We sould care

for them and help them along not control and own them. In that

light I began to feel differantly about relationships also. These

people choose to walk with us through life not to be controled,

changed, pushed or any of those things we don't like done to us but

so easily do to others without thinking or with thinking that we

know best for them. Your notes are so helpful in learning about all

this. Thank you so much for sharing.

Debi

tha, "henny_v_i" <henny_v_i wrote:

>

> Dear Linda,

>

> I hope you don't mind my reacting to your post about

relationships. Of

> course all circumstances are different and I don't mean to compare

in

> any way, because obviously you are having a very difficult time,

> butyour post about your partner and his computergames made me

realize

> something. So, even though mine is a different situation, I would

like

> to share what I learned over the past year or so:

>

> I know about this 'computer addiction' and I too have so often

felt

> frustrated because my husband sat behind his computer as soon as

he

> got up or got home, playing what I perceived to be a stupid game

or

> other, instead of pursuing what I thought to be more 'worthwhile'

> activities, like meditation or watching me perform puja (yes, I do

> like an audience). And there have been many times that I have

> regretted the fact that he does not share my enthusiasm and that

he is

> not particularly interested in Shree Maa and Swamiji's teachings

and I

> have sometimes felt very alone and frustrated.

> Yet there have been many more times when he has put me to shame by

> demonstrating so much more love, compassion and honesty than I

could

> muster in any given circumstance, so much more wisdom and

kindness, so

> much more patience and forbearance (and also by never once

criticizing

> what I am doing or raising objections or ridiculing me), that I

have

> come to realize that he certainly is 'plugged in' even though I

can't

> see how.

> I now often feel I learn from him, precisely because he follows

his

> own path (even though of course our paths intertwine too) and

adheres

> faithfully (or stubbornly, as I would describe it in one of my

lesser

> moments) to his own truth. Keeps me from becoming dogmatic:)

> Having recovered from the shock that he would not and will not

> (although you never know) do as I do, I am now content (most of

the

> time) in my own corner of the room; and one of the advantages of

his

> ability to amuse himself is that I get a lot of time for my own

> practice! I still think it is very beautiful and a great blessing

if

> two partners share their spiritual practice. But there are many

ways

> in which people can grow together, and learn from each other, I

have

> found.

>

> Now, having said all this, I hope you understand my husband is no

> saint and sometimes he drives me up the wall (as I do him, I'm

sure).

> But I wanted to tell you this because I am certain your partner is

> 'plugged in' as well in some mysterious way. We all are. Sometimes

the

> current is strong, sometimes weak, and sometimes we get our wires

> crossed and we get to sit in the dark. But the Power which

connects us

> is always there.

>

> Please don't think I am belittling your situation. I just wanted

to

> tell you what I learned. I hope and pray everything works out well

for

> you both and you can find a way to turn on the light again,

>

>

> with love,

> Henny

>

>

> , nierika@ wrote:

> >

> >

> > shreemaadevote posted:

> >

> > ...The most important accomplishment of human life is self

> > realization. It doesn't matter what we become, it doesn’t

matter

> what we

> > attain, it doesn’t matter what we possess. All of that is so

> temporary. It

> > will

> > all be left behind after only a moment's enjoyment. A well-

lived

> life is

> > one

> > that is full of love and joy and peace and compassion."

> >

> >

> >

> > Ah ~ devotee ~ I sense a "thread" here. The last digest had

another

> post

> > about relationships, and believe me, at this point I have no

idea ..

> . but, more

> > compassion on my part is certainly in order. It is just a bit

> difficult when

> > the compassion has to be applied to my partner making an online

> computer game

> > more important than anything else in his life. It is like his

> "worship." He

> > gets up at 4 or 5 in the morning so he can play before he goes

to

> work. He

> > gets back on almost as soon as he gets home. We have a brief

time

> together while

> > we eat dinner, and then he is back on. It is like being with

somone

> who is

> > having an affair ... but with a machine. And I just can't wrap

my

> brain around

> > it. We've talked, negotiated, everything, but eventually it all

> goes back to

> > the game being the most compelling aspect of his life. Perhaps

if I

> am able

> > to put aside my selfish desire to share his time and attention

and

> apply

> > those four attributes in the quote: "love and joy and peace and

> compassion,"

> > something may change, if only in my own heart and mind. Thank

you

> for posting

> > quotes that are keeping me in a state of remembrance of what is

> really

> > important. Jai Maa , Jai Swamiji ~ Linda

> >

>