Returns of love (Without Investments): Shree Krishna

August 20, 2006

My memories of early child hood days are full of grief and pain. I

felt that both these came to me uninvited. I was extremely sensitive

to environment and picked up vibrations with ease. Being a psychic

didn't help and in fact things and phenomenon often tormented me. I

possessed a logical brain and this was more of a curse than a gift.

I often could not answer to things and phenomenon that took place in

my life. May be I did not have enough grey matter for that.

I remember that I could easily pick up the blues of other people

just by looking at them. There were times when I didn't even touch

them and I could see what was happening with them. This feeling

often got transferred to me. I needed answers and this thing turned

me to learn ancient sciences. I meditated and did all those things

mentioned in books. But all these methodologies intensified my

experiences.

Besides posing myself as a salient person I often wandered at

strange places. During this phase I learnt and experienced things

that later turned my life. My first such experience came from a

strange "Mazaar" of a devout Sufi saint. This "Mazaar" is present in

Jaipur. It is a very small place and people are not aware of it. One

of my friends who is a psychic always told me to avoid the path that

passed near from that "Mazaar". This aroused my curiosity and I

often followed the same path. It attracted me and I wanted to see

what was inside. Often it was closed and I did not have a chance for

some time. And one fine day I was passing through it and I saw that

the gates were open.

I was very depressed on that day and things were not turning up as I

wished. I entered the place. It carried the burial tomb of the sufi

saint ( I still do not know the name of my Messiah) . There was no

body and I was not accustomed to "Mohammedan customs". So I set down

in "Vajraasan" like position and bowed my head. I was shocked as I

felt an immediate sensation that somebody was touching my head. I

moved my head up, and there, I saw a cat looking at me. I stood up

and clasped my hands in devotion to the tomb and felt that cat was

licking my feet. I saw that there were two kittens along with her

and they were doing the same thing. I could not explain what

happened but I felt that every strand of my hairs was standing and I

could feel a strange sensation in my spine. It took me another six

minutes and then I came out. I did not even felt to explain this to

myself. There was something happening that I could not explain. That

night I had a very sound sleep.

I got up early in the morning and by chance plugged up the tv set. A

live "Aarti" ceremony of Shree Govind Dev ji was being telecast. It

was the cold days of January and I could see that at least hundred

such people were there for the ceremony. They must have been the

daily visitors. It was easy to imagine that you could reach the

place at 5 am in that bone chilling morning. But it was only easy to

imagine.

The idol of Shree Hari was displayed on the screen. I could not

understand what people liked in that idol (For the first time).

Being an artist I can see that that the idol was not in the right

symmetry. There was surely something that my eyes could not see...,

something that those daily visitors can make out.

So I visited the temple for the first time (This happened first time

in six years of regular visits to different temples except this

one). I first met my school time friend "Manas" who was now the "

Mahant" of Shri Govind Dev Ji temple". I was allowed to sit near the

idol, very near to the "Pat" (The doors near the idol). I could

immediately feel the envious eyes of people standing near bars. At

that moment I just hated myself. But this feeling was not stronger

than the feeling of rational explanation of devotion. After the

sounds of regular bells the curtains were removed.

I still remembered that live picture of black idol, frankly, no

picture in world is as beautiful as was the first glance on that

idol.

I was mesmerized for the time being. I could now see the magnetic

powers the idol possessed. There was no rational explanation. My

mind was lost in beauty and that moment my rational brain was dead.

I understood what those devotees must have felt in the morning. The

idol was huge and much bigger than what I felt in through

television. The eyes of the idols did carry a mesmerizing effect. I

could feel the burning sensation at my cheeks. Being a man I moved

my face to a different direction. The heavy feeling near my heart

was pulled off. I took a "parikrama" and saw a portrait of " Shree

Nitai Prabhu". The feeling of being "Feelingless" was getting

stronger. As I was trying to explain myself I was almost dead

somewhere. Something else engulfed my rationalism.

When I came out of the temple I could feel a cold sensation near my

head. My eyes were constantly radiating some frozen hue like thing.

I could see that my brain was fighting with my body but at the same

time my body was out of its control. I went near cows and bought

some fodder. I gave it to the cow and there she started licking my

hand. Then lot of them started coming towards me. (In real life I

was much afraid of cows as I was once attacked by the same). But at

that moment there was absolute fearless ness. The cows surrounded

me. It was a very happy moment which I cannot explain in words. From

that day onwards I became a staunch devotee of Shree Hari. This

feeling can only be felt. It is not something that I can put in

words.

You could see the love in small events of your life. One such event

is related to my daily Pooja to the lord. Once during one such

prayer I just felt that I should have possessed a bigger photograph

of Govind Dev Ji. This was a momentary thing and I immediately

discarded it.

After the prayers a person came to consultation. During the initial

know how he told me that he possessed a shop in the temple premises

of Shree Govind Dev Ji temple. I asked him that did he sell the

bigger photographs of Shree Govind Dev Ji.

To my surprise he came back within five minutes. He was carrying

extremely large sized photographs of idols of Shree Hari. I asked

for the price and despite of my repeated attempts to pay him, he

left me a beautiful photograph and an idol of Shree ladoo Gopalji.

Imagine what could have happened to me. Frankly I consider myself as

a very bad person and when God turns up to you for that small wishes

your eyes will definitely show some sort of irritation. It was clear

that someone was watching.

Another incident happened much in the same way. I bought a two

wheeler with my first job and it after four years of use it was

showing signs of several problems. One such day I asked Shree Hari

that whether I can buy a new scooter? However, this feeling was

discarded as I was egoistical enough to ask it from my father.

Logics arrived ASAP.

The very next day my friend called me to her house. There, her

mother told me that she wanted to gift me with something. You can

wonder what that gift can be. It was a new white scooter with every

accessory needed. I could not accept it but after lot of persuasion

from my family and my aunt I finally took it. Wasn't someone

watching? Definitely the practical of " Yogachshemam Vahamayam".

Again why me? I consider my self a dirty cruel brat.

The third incident which showed that he was there, happened in a

different way. I was once speeding back to my house. I was very

hungry and wanted to reach home as soon as possible. Just then I had

an immediate urge to first visit my friend who came all the way from

Bombay. His house was on the way and I knew that it can hardly take

five more minutes. I went to his house and was surprised to witness

a ceremony. Some saint (Jain saint) was coming out of their house

and everybody was bowing to him. I also did the same. My immediate

wish was to leave the place as I did not want to disturb his family

with my arrival. Moreover I was afraid of unknown people.

Just when I was leaving, his mother saw me and called me in. Despite

of my wish I entered their house. I met his grandfather and out of

sheer respect I touched his feet. Then I decided to leave and was

just doing so when his grandfather ordered me to sit down for few

minutes. I told him that I have some urgent work at home. He

immediately announced that I will not leave the house without being

fed. His voice was heavy and he told the servants to close down the

heavy gates. This was strange. How could he possibly know that I was

hungry?

Somebody was watching. I was offered food in pure silver utensils.

It was good vegetarian food cooked for the saints and other people.

I could not eat all of it. The lump inside my throat held it back.

I wonder what I have possibly given him ?, so that it came back with

such intensity. A small place in a big dwelling of mine..., a half

and hour prayer from twenty four long hours .What do we give God?

Please help me. My rationalism is all dead.

A.J

August 21, 2006

Namo Narayana Alok,

Thanks so very much for sharing your profound experiences with such simplicity. You possess rare laya. You are indeed deserving of these experiences, i wish many more follow.

I am reminded of the words Aghori Vimalananda told "Robby";

As the human soul progresses spiritually it goes thru various stations; In the first step he is known as a Sadhu, from thereon he travels to become a Yogi, at the next step lies the realm of the Paramhansa's. If divined, he travels a lot further to become a Siddha, the next esteemed pedestal is that of a Muni, & if the cosmic will entails a soul reaches the ultimate evolutionary stage of a Rishi.

Anubhavas like yours are key indicators of spiritual evolution/cosmic grace.

Navinam Navinam Kshane Kshane

a_jagawat <a_jagawat > wrote: