Going to vraj

[Pankaja_Dasa]

I promise to book ticket. I hope to stay for a very long time (i really really hope I can and am able), living in an asharam and get serious. And get desire.

 

 

My Passport is up to date (i didn't check but I think it is, it better be!). I want to be away from my circumstances, and be happy for once. It's for 1 month, but well that can change. I don't have anything to come back to, so I'm not really bothered about coming back to Uk. Wish me luck. !

 

I'm born here as indian, and become really sense gratifier. So hope I can be more pure. I don't have any association back in the Uk. And i always never chant, or do anything almost like a Sahajiya. And I just wanna do the right thing. And make my Guru proud of me, maybe.

 

Bye for now.

 

I'm actually really despressed and morose. So I am going in a right state. And my Faith is almost nill. 'O'. Send me your blessings!!. Otherwise I can't be happy. Sometimes because I am indian I feel it's easy for me, but for strange reason it's not. Anyway I have problems doing it. And I need to respect devotees more. And be more friendly, (to get love you gotta give love), I wish really really wish, devotees would not be so controlling. It really kills your self-esteem to an unbleievale rate. And it has made me a nervous wreak. Please show more love. I don't mean to offend by saying this. But it makes me into a pretender. I am pretending to be, when it should be natural. We're all in together, even on a forum don't change. It effects me, because I see I am talking with devotees. I never think that I'm talking to some person on other side of the World. I am senstive that this is a devotee. And when somebody is harsh with me, it effects me. Because I love devotees. Anyway, sorry for any offence I did (i did many x10000). I have no Bhakti to speak of. Please bless me to become humble. Oh yeah I'm going in 3 weeks on flight with some devotees (who i don't know), damn I wish I was not so depressed. Guru arraged this. So I just listened. So I guess I have to go! Hariboooooooooooool!

[Guest guest]

 

I promise to book ticket. I hope to stay for a very long time (i really really hope I can and am able), living in an asharam and get serious. And get desire.

 

 

My Passport is up to date (i didn't check but I think it is, it better be!). I want to be away from my circumstances, and be happy for once. It's for 1 month, but well that can change. I don't have anything to come back to, so I'm not really bothered about coming back to Uk. Wish me luck. !

 

I'm born here as indian, and become really sense gratifier. So hope I can be more pure. I don't have any association back in the Uk. And i always never chant, or do anything almost like a Sahajiya. And I just wanna do the right thing. And make my Guru proud of me, maybe.

 

Bye for now.

 

I'm actually really despressed and morose. So I am going in a right state. And my Faith is almost nill. 'O'. Send me your blessings!!. Otherwise I can't be happy. Sometimes because I am indian I feel it's easy for me, but for strange reason it's not. Anyway I have problems doing it. And I need to respect devotees more. And be more friendly, (to get love you gotta give love), I wish really really wish, devotees would not be so controlling. It really kills your self-esteem to an unbleievale rate. And it has made me a nervous wreak. Please show more love. I don't mean to offend by saying this. But it makes me into a pretender. I am pretending to be, when it should be natural. We're all in together, even on a forum don't change. It effects me, because I see I am talking with devotees. I never think that I'm talking to some person on other side of the World. I am senstive that this is a devotee. And when somebody is harsh with me, it effects me. Because I love devotees. Anyway, sorry for any offence I did (i did many x10000). I have no Bhakti to speak of. Please bless me to become humble. Oh yeah I'm going in 3 weeks on flight with some devotees (who i don't know), damn I wish I was not so depressed. Guru arraged this. So I just listened. So I guess I have to go! Hariboooooooooooool!

 

Pankaja dasa, I wish you a good trip. As for your destination, are you going to Vrindavan Dham? If you are, what can go wrong? Don't worry about being nervous and please don't be depressed. You will be fine in the company of devotees.

[Guest guest]

SOME GOOD SADHANA oughta cheer you up.

If you can get into to some good sadhana by going to Vrindavan, India then that is good.

However, just buying a ticket and getting on a plane won't relieve your depression unless you take shelter of good sadhana for your Nama bhajana.

 

You can't buy a plane ticket to Vrindavan.

Srimati RAdha Devi doesn't accept Visa or Mastercard.

But, if you realize it all as the grace of guru, then that is ok.

[Pankaja_Dasa]

I'll do some nama before I go, should be better. Clear my head!! Chant and sleep. ...

[Guest guest]

Pankaja Dasa,

 

In the past, you said that you are initiated. However, in the post you say that you almost never chant. How is that? Doesn't one make a vow to his Spiritual master at the time of initiation to chant a fixed numer of rounds everyday?

 

 

I promise to book ticket. I hope to stay for a very long time (i really really hope I can and am able), living in an asharam and get serious. And get desire.

 

 

My Passport is up to date (i didn't check but I think it is, it better be!). I want to be away from my circumstances, and be happy for once. It's for 1 month, but well that can change. I don't have anything to come back to, so I'm not really bothered about coming back to Uk. Wish me luck. !

 

I'm born here as indian, and become really sense gratifier. So hope I can be more pure. I don't have any association back in the Uk. And i always never chant, or do anything almost like a Sahajiya. And I just wanna do the right thing. And make my Guru proud of me, maybe.

 

Bye for now.

 

I'm actually really despressed and morose. So I am going in a right state. And my Faith is almost nill. 'O'. Send me your blessings!!. Otherwise I can't be happy. Sometimes because I am indian I feel it's easy for me, but for strange reason it's not. Anyway I have problems doing it. And I need to respect devotees more. And be more friendly, (to get love you gotta give love), I wish really really wish, devotees would not be so controlling. It really kills your self-esteem to an unbleievale rate. And it has made me a nervous wreak. Please show more love. I don't mean to offend by saying this. But it makes me into a pretender. I am pretending to be, when it should be natural. We're all in together, even on a forum don't change. It effects me, because I see I am talking with devotees. I never think that I'm talking to some person on other side of the World. I am senstive that this is a devotee. And when somebody is harsh with me, it effects me. Because I love devotees. Anyway, sorry for any offence I did (i did many x10000). I have no Bhakti to speak of. Please bless me to become humble. Oh yeah I'm going in 3 weeks on flight with some devotees (who i don't know), damn I wish I was not so depressed. Guru arraged this. So I just listened. So I guess I have to go! Hariboooooooooooool!

[Guest guest]

Pankaja Dasa,

 

...ALL THE VERY VERY VEY BEST !! VRAJ IS JUST MAJIC!!

 

...SEEK BLESSINGS FROM YOUR SENIORS, YOR DIETIES AT HOME & FROM THE DIETIES FROM YOUR NEAREST TEMPLE YOU FREQUENT ALSO FROM YOUR GURU/S & NOT FORGETING YOU JUNIORS !!

 

...GO IN THE NAME OF THE LORD AND HAVE A GREAT TRIP !!

 

YOURS

 

JASWANT

[Pankaja_Dasa]

Sorry over years i came and offended. I'm not chanting and make excuse. And i got ego. I love you all, i hope you can meet me one day. I meet you lot. And i hope that time I am practising and happy. Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

 

Sorry over years i came and offended. I'm not chanting and make excuse. And i got ego. I love you all, i hope you can meet me one day. I meet you lot. And i hope that time I am practising and happy. Hare Krishna.

 

Dear Pankaja das,

You don't owe anybody any apology.

You have done the best you could, even if you fell short.

Don't let the holier-than-thou attitudes of others bring you down or discourage you.

 

Krishna wanted you to learn different lessons in a different way.

We can see so many vaidhi-sadhakas who have been trying for 30, 40, 50 years or so and are still stuck with vaidhi-sadhana and have not gone beyond that.

 

The time will come either in this life or another, when you will be what you cherish in your heart as your ideal.

 

Do the best you can. Forgive yourself and move on.

 

When you are ready for Krishna, Krishna will be ready for you.

 

love,

anonymous das

[Guest guest]

 

Pankaja Dasa,

 

In the past, you said that you are initiated. However, in the post you say that you almost never chant. How is that? Doesn't one make a vow to his Spiritual master at the time of initiation to chant a fixed numer of rounds everyday?

 

Right now the prabhu needs support, love and understanding.

 

This condescending "holier-than-thou" attittude has never encouraged anyone.

 

Take the lower position.

We are not above anyone.

That is the heart of a true Vaishnava.

 

I am the lowest.

How can I condescend upon anyone if I am the lowest?

 

Srila Prabhupada allowed many young, inexperienced and unqualified western devotees to make vows he knew they could not keep.

 

Don't be the judge.

The judge is from above.

[bhaktachris]

Many of us can relate to you Pancaja Prabhu, you have done good to open up. I too am headed to Braj dhama.

 

With the chanting, i have taken a vow to atleast keep chanting a certain number of rounds. It might not be the 16 that i did for decades, but it is some, and i don't miss those now. If you feel that it is "all or nothing" and you are not ready, then you will lose. Try just some, i suggest 4!

 

You have been an inspiration to me over the years now, thank you. Your heart is where it should be, who cares if the rest of you is not inline? Thank you thankyou for your association

[sanatan]

There are some compassionate and caring responses here...how many of us are truly "in order"?

 

Best attitude is to consider every other devotee to be more advanced than one's own self.

 

Have a great trip, Pankaja prabhu...go with God.

[Guest guest]

 

Sorry over years i came and offended. I'm not chanting and make excuse. And i got ego. I love you all, i hope you can meet me one day. I meet you lot. And i hope that time I am practising and happy. Hare Krishna.

 

I may also see you in Vraja Dham Prabhu, where will you stay and how can we recognize you, there are a lot of Indian devotees in the dham. I suppose the Lord will arrange accordingly. Anyhow have a very eventful pilgrimage, keep your heart up and head down. May The Lord and His devotees protect you on the journey.

 

Jai Gurudev

jai Nitai Gaura

Hari Hari bol

[gHari]

Obviously guru and Krsna are pleased. Don't worry about misconceived perceptions of rejection by anyone. No doubt we're all very happy for you, and for me at least, perhaps just a little envious.

 

You were born to do this, RamRam.

[Guest guest]

I agree with you. I am the one that posed the question to Pankaja Das. I apologize if I caused any grief. The reason I asked is because I'm having a lot of trouble chanting as well and Pankaja being initiated, I was curious how he was going to address his problem of not chanting. Didn't mean to challenge/offend him or anyone else. My apologies.

 

 

Right now the prabhu needs support, love and understanding.

 

This condescending "holier-than-thou" attittude has never encouraged anyone.

 

Take the lower position.

We are not above anyone.

That is the heart of a true Vaishnava.

 

I am the lowest.

How can I condescend upon anyone if I am the lowest?

 

Srila Prabhupada allowed many young, inexperienced and unqualified western devotees to make vows he knew they could not keep.

 

Don't be the judge.

The judge is from above.

[Guest guest]

 

Sorry over years i came and offended. I'm not chanting and make excuse. And i got ego. I love you all, i hope you can meet me one day. I meet you lot. And i hope that time I am practising and happy. Hare Krishna.

 

Obviously these people don't know about your Kirtanananda like practices, about how you attempt to demonize and manipulate others and how you do not care about who you use or hurt.... and even if they did a lot of them are pretty broad minded, gentle and forgiving and they would wish you well anyway, as do I.

 

I do hope that you do stop playing the hurtful games that you have learned and become nice sincere devotee of Krsna. May Lord Nityananda be merciful to you and to us all.

AGTSP, Hari Bol

[Guest guest]

 

I agree with you. I am the one that posed the question to Pankaja Das. I apologize if I caused any grief. The reason I asked is because I'm having a lot of trouble chanting as well and Pankaja being initiated, I was curious how he was going to address his problem of not chanting. Didn't mean to challenge/offend him or anyone else. My apologies.

 

So far he has addressed the problem by considering that he was such an advanced devotee that it did not matter that he didn't chant, I believe that that is called "The Rameswara solution to not Chanting."

 

Anyway I am from another forum. Pankaja invited me over to this forum and thread from there because I guess he wants additional attention, you see Pankaja das has a different idea about Krsna consciousness than most of you have. You think that it is all about Krsna. Pankaja das thinks that it is all about him.

 

But he may improve, that is what I hope for.

 

Originally Posted by Guest

Right now the prabhu needs support, love and understanding.

 

This condescending "holier-than-thou" attittude has never encouraged anyone.

 

Take the lower position.

We are not above anyone.

That is the heart of a true Vaishnava.

 

I am the lowest.

How can I condescend upon anyone if I am the lowest?

 

Srila Prabhupada allowed many young, inexperienced and unqualified western devotees to make vows he knew they could not keep.

 

Don't be the judge.

The judge is from above.

 

Sentimental Mayavadi crud, to hate the sin but to love the sinner you must be able to judge.

[Guest guest]

Pankaja prabhu ji has clearly expressed many times that he considers us as friends and loves us all. As such, he reveals his mind in confidence to us all, just as if he were speaking with a dear friend one-on-one at his home or in the Temple. A rather unique approach for an internet forum, but refreshing nonetheless. Unfortunately, due to his honesty and humility in expressing his perceived weaknesses and faults, there will always be a few, inevitably hiding in anonymity, (and never admitting their own faults), who seize the opportunity to critisize him for his self-admitted shortcomings. Maybe it's something fun to do, or maybe there's an agenda involved. Whatever the case, it's sad to see.

[Guest guest]

Pankaja Prabhu,

 

PAMHO AGTSP

 

I wish you the best of luck! Can you please continue to keep us apprised of what you see, hear, feel, and experience in the Holy Dhama?

 

I hope you can find some like-minded and affectionate, svatajiya and snigda association.

 

And be careful of all of the sharks and the freaky things that can go on over there! I expect a complete report on everything! [Providing Admin does not censor it! smile].

 

One day I was thinking after I had some exchanges with you, and I thought: "This must be kind of one sad prabhu. Maybe he is living with argumentative people in a foul place. No wonder he hates [whatever we were discussing] maybe this poor soul has to live with no very nice people and surround by them at every turn.

 

"Maybe he doesn't have the luxury to turn on and off his association. Maybe

he never got to meet sweet mood people and hang out with them 24/7."

 

Then I thought, "Wow maybe I would think exact same thoughts and have exact same 'tude, feeling very discouraged and morose and easily irritated

by fools. I know I do not suffer fools gladly. Maybe he is living in fool loka

surround by so many fools. No wonder he use strong words of feeling fried with fools.

 

"I am sure I would feel exact same way. Perhaps poor guy is surround by less intelligent people, 24/7, how sad for that guy only he wants to have a nice spiritual life."

 

So I wish the best for you; however can you please give us a report? I feel one your good qualities is your honesty and candor. So give us a little report from time to time then that will give us all a little reality check. Thanks!

 

I read a funny story once, one guy was so depressed his pathetic life he just wanted to commit suicide. He hate his job, he hate his small room in bad area, he hate the karmis neighbors so irritating to him. Then he thought well

if I am going to commit suicide I may as well have a party before I go.

 

So he invite all his friends from his depressing job and even his neighbors who irritate him so much with their loud music and barking dogs and etc. Then he is so surprised they all show up and some bring gifts. And he find out alot of

people liked him only in general ordinary people don't know that self-disclosure

is very mentally healthy.

 

And men especially conditioned, "Boys Don't Cry" at least before The Cure made a very good song about it. So he was so shocked pleasantly he find out even a girl at his pathetic job kind of like him, enough to come to his "I am going to kill myself party".

 

And he found out several of his co=workers hate their job also and everyone dreams of a better life. He found out although hsi neighbors were very irritating the loud music is not so bad they bring it to your house and have a dance party with you.

 

And even the obnoxious always barking dog he found out was so obnoxious because no one pet it enough. Then he found out the dog is very nice if you

let it into your house for a party with too loud music and your co-workers

getting drunk then the dog is so loveable it licks your face and jumps on you. And only the poor dog was locked up all day that is why constant barking

and is supposed to live in nature poor creature living in concrete jungle hell.

 

So then he thought well, I can kill myself another day, but not tommorrow.

He began to talk to his friends how much they hate their job and the boss and

just to talk about it they felt better. Now and then he drank a beer with the girl and then he learned that girls have their problems also, they are not trying on purpose to torture men.

 

Etc. So I say keep in touch and let us know all of the juicy things you discover. I especially want to know all of the dirt and good gossip. Just kidding. Just some of the dirt and good gossip with be fine.

 

Namaste!!! Bon voyage!!!

[gHari]

I think we're all glad we're not on that other forum.

[bija]

All the best Pankaja...hope you have a very special time, and yes do keep us posted of your adventures. Please keep in touch at this fellowship, as you have created many nice things for the net that are appreciated. It is a good contact and meeting point here.

[bija]

 

Sentimental Mayavadi crud, to hate the sin but to love the sinner you must be able to judge.

A common factor of this material world seems to be: the ease of judgment.

Learning to judge seems to be second nature.

Conclusion: material conditioning is lamentable.

[Pankaja_Dasa]

 

Obviously guru and Krsna are pleased. Don't worry about misconceived perceptions of rejection by anyone. No doubt we're all very happy for you, and for me at least, perhaps just a little envious.

 

You were born to do this, RamRam.

+oooooooooooooo passport expired

[Guest guest]

"+oooooooooooooo"

 

have no idea what this means

 

"passport expired"

 

does this mean you're not going? Are you going to renew your passport?

[Guest guest]

 

I think we're all glad we're not on that other forum.

 

Pankaja was the most prolific poster there, so yes, definitly.

[Pankaja_Dasa]

 

"+oooooooooooooo"

 

have no idea what this means

 

"passport expired"

 

does this mean you're not going? Are you going to renew your passport?

 

I'll try to. Hare Krishna, Dandavats