To Stacee on pain of toxic environments (was Question and thoughts on illness)

[Guest guest]

Dear Stacee ~ I know this is a question for Swamiji, and I will be very

interested in his answer. I wanted to respond from two perspectives. I used to

live in Takoma Park, Maryland, and worked in DC. When I was well, I was much

better able to handle the distress of the kinds of things that happen when too

many people are bunched in a small area ... I think, for me, the worst was the

traffic and the road rage. I also worked in politics, and discovered that,

even if one works for a good cause, if there are politics involved, sooner or

later, the effect may be harmful. Although I have also discovered that

"politics" can be at work in a small town as well, in a small group, and can be

just as toxic. In Al Anon, they used to say geographical "cures" don't work, and

I think they were right. I wish I had stayed where I was (where I would be

very near my daughter and my sister and lifelong friends). Relationships can

also be toxic. If someone yells and screams at you almost every day, this will

also have an effect.

 

Besides my physical illnesses I am in such a toxic relationship. The only

thing that keeps me going right now is my sadhana, being connected to this

group, and having met Shree Maa and Swamiji, feeling connected to them. In my

last job, still in DC, I had a "boss" (not officially, but for practical

purposes) who yelled at me and my staff, who said demeaning things to us and who

cursed at us. I became sicker and sicker in this job and eventually became

completely unable to work. (I was also working 60 or more hours a week, taking

work home, etc.) So I guess I am saying that toxic relationships, be they

personal or work, seemed to have more of an effect on me than just living in a big

city. There were many things about living there I loved ~ the museums and art

galleries, the small enclaves, whether in downtown DC or in Takoma Park or

some other area, where the people had created a kind of cultural identify ...

with coffee shops, eateries, small galleries, etc. When I took the subway,

which was often a challenge because some people were very rude, and it was

almost always pretty crowded, then, for some reason, I found a very clear place to

practice seeing everyone as God.

 

I guess I am saying that I do believe sadhana can help. It can also make a

person more sensitive, but to borrow a New Age term, one must learn to put up

one's shields (which, of course, don't prevent interaction, just offer

protection), or to put it in Maa and Swamiji terms, to put on the Armor of the

Goddess. There is a particular part of the Chandi Path that has this passage, so

you might try chanting this before going out into the world. I might try it

too ... I just have to find my book, which is still packed somewhere.

 

Last night my husband became angry with me. It seemed nothing I said was

right or even if I looked at him, he found fault with me. His yelling and

screaming upset me so much that eventually I picked up a small stack of fliers and

threw then across the room. (Swamiji would call this shooting another arrow

of karma, rather than just "being" and watching the existing karma play out.)

My husband then picked up a large floor lamp and hurled it across the room

and then picked up a really big armchair and threw that. Needless to say, I was

terrified. After that, I didn't react any more. I just went about my own

business and then went to my bedroom and did my sadhana.

 

Yet all of this pain, which is emotional and psychological in nature (and

which can certainly be felt in the body) is different from the pain of my

physical illnesses. Even so, if I can hold on to simple things that Swami and Maa

have said; if I can do my sadhana it still helps. And on the other hand, it

certainly can't hurt. Jai Maa , Jai Swamiji ~ Linda

 

 

Stacee wrote:

 

It is a reflection and a question. I have no real

illness that I can state, but I usually feel pretty

bad in the area that I live in.

 

To me this is the karma all around and unconsciousness

of most all around (a busy part of the city) Who knows

if this would feel any better in a more rural setting...

 

Isn't this where intense sadhana can help and the

awareness of focusing on the Light and on God can help

one burn off the pain of this world? Even just

focusing on the body and bringing this God's Love into

the body. In order to hold this Love one must go

through pain (unconsciousness) and the fear and pain

of the masses.