Retreat Experiences - 1 - Chanting along with Swamiji

[Guest guest]

Dear All,

As some of you know, I am a weekender (Sundays mostly) at the Mandir. With increasingly tight job schedules, it is a blessing when I am able to stay there for any length of time. As part of the Navaratri retreat, I jumped at the chance to stay for three days in the presence of our Gurus.

 

Here were some of the incidents that meant a lot to me ...

Chanting the Chandi along with Swamiji

On Saturday morning, I went to the temple and sat down with the Chandi to complete the vow that I had taken as part of the group sankalpa. It was about 8 AM and many of the retreat participants were sitting inside the temple - some of them doing puja and others silently meditating in the presence of Maa and Swamiji. I set up my asan close to the fire, where Swamiji was doing the full Chandi with samputs and was already into the 11th Chapter.

I opened the book and took the sankalpa to chant the entire text. The last few times when I tried to chant the entire text by myself, in the privacy of my home, I had stopped and gotten distracted midway. This time, in the presence of Swamiji, I took the conscious decision not to stop, come what may. Of course, when I take those decisions, there is always a situation that immediately tries to test and also some unseen hands that try to help sustain that resolve. It happened twice that day.

One thing that immediately struck me was how easy it is to stay focussed when chanting along with Swamiji. As I remarked to Him later "Swamiji, today I chanted on your steam" . The Chandi became even more interesting, with me trying to keep pace with Swamiji. I knew that I could keep going as long as Swamiji kept chanting.

Swamiji completed his Chandi when I was almost done with my Kushandika. I was disheartened - now he was going to get up and leave and let me chant all by myself. But no !!! He continued with the Rudri. I was so thrilled, and I continued with the next few chapters of the Chandi.

Come Chapter 7, and Swamiji had finished the Rudri, and again the momentary disheartening feeling. "OK, now you are on your own Nanda " I told myself. But the Gods were kind, Swamiji went on to chant the Kali Sahasranam. I couldnt believe my luck. I kept going with renewed energy and had finished Chapter 13 when Swamiji finished Kali Sahas.

This time, I knew it would be too much to ask, and I was mentally thanking Swamiji for staying along with me until I finished the majority of the Chandi. I was preparing to let him go, but Swamiji , it looks like, had other ideas. He went on to chant the Shiva Sahasranam.

I couldnt believe my luck, and kept pressing on. Swamiji finished Shiva Sahas and I finished the Chandi at about the same time. I was so grateful to have chanted with no effort at all, and indeed , on Swamiji's steam. I prepared to get up, but Swamiji kept going ... he went on to the Gayatri Sahasranam.

In the time it took me to chant one text, Swamiji was doing five. And that too in one asan (without getting up from his seat or moving his knees) .

This is the blessing ! This is the miracle ! Just the privilege to be around a soul like Swamiji so that one's own struggles at sadhana become so much lighter.

I would like to say a few words about the tests that happened as well. Once I got a note requesting my presence for the group discussion. I was very tempted to get up - because after all , it behooves me to help and participate in the activity as a seva to our Gurus. Then I told myself, that the Chandi was really what was important to me that day and to be forgiven for anything else that I could/couldnt do.

The second test was more interesting. I noticed that Swamiji had run out of firewood, and was stretching to get wood from another bin placed at an awkward angle from him. Again I thought - "helping Swamiji is more important - let me get the firewood for him first and then continue". Once again, the sankalpa in me reminded me of my original resolve "come what may". I asked for forgiveness and continued with the Chandi. Almost immediately, another devotee stepped into the breach and helped Swamiji.

I recount the incident for two reasons -

1) How we get helped in keeping our resolve even in the midst of all the tests.

2) and most importantly, what an opportunity it is to do our sadhana in the presence of our Gurus.

It strikes me that one of the uniqueness of our Gurus is that we get to see them perform their own Sadhana. They not only share the sadhana that will help us, but also demonstrate how it should be done - with all the resolve, and the commitment and love.

Jai Maa

Jai Swamiji

Nanda