[continued] Kali- Ramakrishna's first vision of the Mother

[Guest guest]

Dear Family,

 

I'm continuing the narrative of Sri Ramakrishna's first vision of Mother Kali.

 

....."So sensitive was he becoming, that he was forced to avoid all contacts with so-called

worldly people. He passed the quiet hours of the afternoon alone. At night, when

everyone was asleep he would arise and go out, returning after daybreak, with eyes

swollen as though with much weeping, or showing the effects of prolonged meditation.

To all inquiries as to where he had been he gave evasive answers. Hriday determined to

watch him and solve the mystery.

 

The plot of land lying to the north of the temple, where Sri Ramakrishna passed long years

in meditation and asceticism, now known as the Panchavati, was not then as it is now. It

was a dense jungle of low, uneven land thickly grown with shrubs and prickly plants,

where the sunshine scarcely ever penetrated. It having been a graveyard, kept people at a

respectful distance, and none had ever dared to explore it. Sri Ramakrishna chose this

place for his spiritual practices and used to spend his afternoons and nights in meditation

in the shade of a large Amalaka tree which grew there.

 

Hriday loved his uncle and took care of him day and night like a devoted servant.

Occasionally he caught a glimpse of the workings of his mind; but for the most part, he

shared the popular opinion that Sri Ramakrishna's strange actions were due to too intense

devotion to God. So when to unmindfulness of food or drink or the comforts of the body

was added the passing of the whole nights without sleep, Hriday was much concerned and

felt that he was justified in watching his uncle to find out where he went at night and how

he spent his time. Knowing that opposition or protest was futile, he waited his

opportunity; and one night, when Sri Ramakrishna left his room, he followed.. What was

his horror to see him entering the jungle!

 

Hriday was afraid to follow him, so he remained at a distance and began to throw stones in

order to frighten Sri Ramakrishna, but without success. The following morning, when

questioned by Hriday as to what he did in the jungle, Sri Ramakrishna replied quietly,

"There is a large Amalaka tree there, and under it I meditate on Kali. Such a place is highly

suitable for meditation." Hriday was not satisfied with this explanation and continued to

spy upon and throw stones at Sri Ramakrishna whenever he went into the jungle. Sri

Ramakrishna made no remonstrance. Finding that intimidation was fruitless, Hriday

gathered up his courage and determined to enter the jungle at dead of night to see for

himself what was going on. He was startled to find his uncle, without clothes or the

sacred thread, under the tree in deep meditation. In spite of a feeling of awe with which

this sight inspired him, Hriday said to Sri Ramakrishna, "What is this Uncle? Why have you

taken off your cloth and the sacred thread?" There was no response. It was as if he were

addressing a statue. When Sri Ramakrishna returned to ordinary consciousness, Hriday

repeated the question. "Why, don't you know," Sri Ramakrishna replied, "that this is the

way one should think of God, free of all ties? Since our very birth we have the eightfold

fetters of hatred, shame, pedigree, culture, fear, fame, caste, and egoism. This sacred

thread means that I am a Brahmin and, therefore, superior to all. When calling upon the

Mother, one has to set such ideas aside. So I have removed the holy thread, which I sh

all

put on after I have finished meditation." Hriday listened and quietly left the place.

 

Thus the realization of God--the vision of the Divine Mother--became the one passion of

Sri Ramakrishna. Strange was the method of worship of this most wonderful devotee. The

singing of devotional songs composed by such devotees as Ramprasad and Kamalakanta

of Bengal was one of its salient features. They seemed to open the flood-gate of his

heart, and he would weep profusely like a child sore at heart at the separation from its

mother. "O Mother! Where art Thou? Reveal Thyself to me. Ramprasad saw Thee and

obtained Thy divine grace. Am I a wretch that Thou dost not come to me? Pleasure,

wealth, friends, enjoyments--I do not want any of these. I only desire to see Thee,

Mother." Tears flowed continuously from his eyes. The day would pass; and when the

peal of evening bells in the temple announced the close of day, he would become sadder

still and cry, "Another day is spent in vain, Mother, for I have not seen Thee! Another day

of this short life has passed, and I have not realized the Truth!" He would often rub his

face against the ground in his agony. His plaintive moans would attract crowds of people,

who whispered to one another, "Poor young man! Has he really lost his mother? His

pathetic cries move one to tears." In another mood he would sit before the image of Kali

and say to Her, "Art Thou true, Mother, or is it all a fiction of the mind--mere poetry

without any reality? If Thou dost exist, why can I not see Thee? Is religion, then, a

phantasy, a mere castle in the air?" Scarcely would these words pass his lips when in a

flash he would recollect the lives of Ramprasad and other devotees who actually saw God

in this very life. "She can't be a mere freak of the human imagination," the young

worshipper would think, "there are people who have actually seen Her. Then why can't I

see Her? Life is passing away. One day is gone followed by another never to return. Every

day I am drawing so much nearer to death. But where is my Mother? The scriptures say

that there is only one thing to be sought in this life, and that is God. Without Him life is

unbearable, a mockery. When God is realized, life has a meaning, it is a pleasure, a

veritable garden of ease. Therefore in pursuit of God, sincere devotees renounce the

world and sacrifice their lives. What is this life worth if I am to drag on a miserable

existence from day to day without tapping that eternal source of Immortality and Bliss?"

Thoughts like these would only increase his longing, and make him redouble his efforts to

realize God.

 

Referring to this tremendous thirst for God, Sri Ramakrishna would offten say to his

disciples later on, "Oh, what days of suffering I passed through! You can't imagine my

agony at separation from Mother. That was only natural. Suppose there is a bag of gold

in a room and a thief in the next with only a thin partition between, Can he sleep

peacefully? Will he not run about and try to force the wall to get at the gold? Such was my

state. I knew that the Mother, full of infinite bliss, compared with which all earthly

possessions were as nothing, was there, quite close to me. How could I be satisfied with

anything else? I had to seek Her. I became mad for Her.""

 

[to be continued]

 

 

Love,

Kumari