speech that benefits others

[Guest guest]

"I vow not to talk about the faults of others." In the Zen

tradition, this is one of the bodhisattva vows. For fully ordained

monastics the same principle is expressed in the payattika vow to

abandon slander. It is also contained in the Buddha's recommendation

to all of us to avoid the ten destructive actions, the fifth of

which is using our speech to create disharmony.

 

 

 

The opposite of judging and criticizing others is regarding their

good qualities and kindness. This is a matter of training our minds

to look at what is positive in others rather than what doesn't meet

our approval. Such training makes the difference between our being

happy, open, and loving or depressed, disconnected, and bitter.

 

We need to try to cultivate the habit of noticing what is beautiful,

endearing, vulnerable, brave, struggling, hopeful, kind, and

inspiring in others. If we pay attention to that, we won't be

focusing on their faults. Our joyful attitude and tolerant speech

that result from this will enrich those around us and will nourish

contentment, happiness and love within ourselves. The quality of our

own lives thus depends on whether we find fault with our experience

or see what is beautiful in it.

 

Seeing the faults of others is about missing opportunities to love.

It's also about not having the skills to properly nourish ourselves

with heart-warming interpretations as opposed to feeding ourselves a

mental diet of poison. When we are habituated with mentally picking

out the faults of others, we tend to do this with ourselves as well.

This can lead us to devalue our entire lives. What a tragedy it is

when we overlook the preciousness and opportunity of our lives and

our Buddha potential.

 

Thus we must lighten up, cut ourselves some slack, and accept

ourselves as we are in this moment while we simultaneously try to

become better human beings in the future. This doesn't mean we

ignore our mistakes, but that we are not so pejorative about them.

We appreciate our own humanness; we have confidence in our potential

and in the heart-warming qualities we have developed so far.

 

What are these qualities? Let's keep things simple: they are our

ability to listen, to smile, to forgive, to help out in small ways.

Nowadays we have lost sight of what is really valuable on a personal

level and instead tend to look to what publicly brings acclaim. We

need to come back to appreciating ordinary beauty and stop our

infatuation with the high-achieving, the polished, and the famous.

 

Everyone wants to be loved - to have his or her positive aspects

noticed and acknowledged, to be cared for and treated with respect.

Almost everyone is afraid of being judged, criticized, and rejected

as unworthy. Cultivating the mental habit that sees our own and

others' beauty brings happiness to ourselves and others; it enables

us to feel and to extend love. Leaving aside the mental habit that

finds faults prevents suffering for ourselves and others. This

should be the heart of our spiritual practice. For this reason, His

Holiness the Dalai Lama said, "My religion is kindness."

 

We may still see our own and others' imperfections, but our mind is

gentler, more accepting and spacious. People don't care so much if

we see their faults, when they are confident that we care for them

and appreciate what is admirable in them.

 

Speaking with Understanding and Compassion

 

The opposite of speaking of the faults of others is speaking with

understanding and compassion. For those engaged in spiritual

practice and for those who want to live harmoniously with others,

this is essential. When we look at other's good qualities, we feel

happy that they exist. Acknowledging people's good qualities to them

and to others makes our own mind happy; it promotes harmony in the

environment; and it gives people useful feedback.

 

Praising others should be part of our daily life and part of our

Dharma practice. Imagine what our life would be like if we trained

our minds to dwell on others' talents and good attributes. We would

feel much happier and so would they! We would get along better with

others, and our families, work environments, and living situations

would be much more harmonious. We place the seeds from such positive

actions on our mindstream, creating the cause for harmonious

relationships and success in our spiritual and temporal aims.

 

by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron

[Guest guest]

Or in a short form, an aphorism (this may be from Pema Chodron, don't

remember):

 

Don't ponder others.

 

Mote in the other's eye, beam in yours, all that.

 

Max

--

Max Dashu

 

Art in Goddess Reverence

http://www.maxdashu.net