[concluded] Kali-Sri Ramakrishna's first vision of the Mother

[Guest guest]

Dear Holy Family,

 

(If I'm prompted for a password at the end, the formatting will go

wrong; sorry in advance if that happens.)

 

....He could no longer conduct the worship regularly. He would sit

before the image like a stone. At one moment he behaved like a

demented person, in the next he would cry like a child. While

meditating, in the course of worship, he would put a flower on his

head and sit silent for a couple of hours; or while offering the food,

he would gaze at the Mother as if She were actually partaking of it.

 

In the morning he would pick the flowers for garlands and spend hours

in decorating the image. During the evening service when waving the

lights before the Goddess he would lose all track of time and forget

to bring the ceremony to a close.

 

His strange actions were beginning to attract the attention of the

temple officials. He was ridiculed at first, but his steady devotion

gradually commanded the respect and admiration of most, tough some

still regarded him as unbalanced. Sri Ramakrishna was perfectly

indifferent to what people thought. He took less food and slept very

little. His chest and face were always flushed with intense devotion;

his eyes often bathed with tears of longing.

 

One day, out of extreme longing to see the Mother, he cried out,

"Mother, why do you not listen to me? I have prayed to you for so

long. You blessed Ramprasad; why do you not bless me also by revealing

yourself to me?" When suddenly his desire was fulfilled; the following

is a description of his first vision in his own words.

 

"I was then suffering from excruciating pain because I had not been

blessed with a vision of the Mother. I felt as if my heart were being

wrung like a wet towel. I was over powered with a great restlessness

and fear that it might not be my lot in this life to realize Her, and

I could not bear the separation from Her any longer; such a life

without Her would not be worth living.

 

"Suddenly, my gaze fell on the Sword that was that was kept in the

Mother's temple. Determined to end my life, I jumpted up like a madman

and seized it, when suddenly the blessed Mother revealed Herself to

me, and I fell unconscious to the floor.

 

"What happened after that, or how that day or the next passed, I do

not know, but within me there was a steady flow of undiluted bliss,

altogether new, and I felt the Presence of the Divine Mother."

 

On anther occasion, he gave the following description of the same

experience: "The buildings nearby and the temple itself, all vanished

leaving no trace whatsoeven, and in their place was an unlimited,

infinite, luminous ocean of Consciousness or Spirit. As far as my eyes

could see its shining waves were madly rushing toward me from all

sides with a terrific noise to swallow me up. In the twinkling of an

eye they were upon me, and engulfed me completely. I was panting for

breath, and fell down unconscious."

 

Whether of not he saw in this ocean of Light the blissful form of the

Divine Mother which was so dear to his heart, he did not make clear.

Probably he did, for as soon as he regained consciousness he called

aloud, "Mother! Mother!"

 

Following this, his constant prayer was that he might have a

repetition of this vision. Sometimes his desire would become so

intense that he would roll of the ground, crying, "Mother, be gracious

to me and reveal Yourself to me once more!"

 

He would cry so bitterly that people would gather around him to see.

"I scarcely realized their presence," he afterwards said, "they looked

more like shadows or painted pictures than real objects, and I did not

feel the least shame at displaying my feelings before them. But the

moment that I lost outward consciousness in unbearable pain at

separation from the Mother, I would see Her standing before me in Her

indescribable radiant beauty, granting boons to Her devotees, and

bidding them to be of good cheer. And I continued to see Her smiling,

consoling, talking to me and teaching me in various ways".

 

 

Love to all,

and may we all realize the Mother,

 

Kumari