Relationship with parents....

[Guest guest]

We used this at our meeting when we talked about relationship with parents,

relatives, old friends...

 

(From Vedabase)

 

"Vasudeva and Devaké were full of anxieties for Klnëa's and Balaräma's

protection, but they could not enjoy Their childhood pastimes. Klnëa said,

"Unfortunately, being ordered by Our fate, We could not be raised by Our own

parents to enjoy childhood pleasures at home. My dear father and mother, a

man cannot repay his debt to his parents, from whom he gets this body, which

can bestow upon him all the benefits of material existence. According to the

Vedic injunctions, this human form of life enables one to perform all kinds

of religious activities, fulfill all kinds of desires and acquire all kinds

of wealth. And only in this human form is there every possibility that one

can get liberation from material existence. This body is produced by the

combined efforts of the father and mother. Every human being should be

obliged to his parents and understand that he cannot repay his debt to them.

If, after growing up, a son does not try to satisfy his parents by his

actions or by an endowment of riches, he is surely punished after death by

the superintendent of death and made to eat his own flesh. If a person is

able to care for or give protection to old parents, a chaste wife, children,

the spiritual master, brähmaëas and other dependents but does not do so, he

is considered already dead, although he is supposedly breathing. My dear

father and mother, you have always been anxious for Our protection, but

unfortunately We could not render any service to you. Until now We have

simply wasted Our time; due to reasons beyond Our control, We could not

serve you. Mother and father, please excuse Us for Our sinfulness."

 

(Krsna: the Supreme Personality of Godhead)

 

 

"Then one night Çréla Prabhupäda said something that took me a while to

comprehend. "Actually," he said, "you are the parent of your parents. The

parent is the one who brings the child to life, the one who gives birth to

the child. So you have come to Klnëa consciousness first, and therefore you

are giving your parents birth into spiritual life, which means eternal life.

Actually, you are the real parent." Around that time, as if to help me

understand what he had said that night, Çréla Prabhupäda would often mention

in his lectures that if a person becomes a pure devotee of Klnëa, then the

Lord will give spiritual liberation to his relatives for ten generations

before and ten generations to come."

Madhusüdana däsa

(BTG)

 

"These are all glorified pastimes of the Lord, and there is no contradiction

in such manifestations. Since Klnëa is the Supreme Lord, He was never afraid

of Karsa, but to please His father He agreed to be so. And the most

brilliant part of His supreme character was that He begged pardon from His

parents for being unable to serve their feet while absent from home because

of fear of Karsa. The Lord, whose lotus feet are worshiped by demigods like

Brahmä and Çiva, wanted to worship the feet of Vasudeva. Such instruction by

the Lord to the world is quite appropriate. Even if one is the Supreme Lord,

one must serve his parents. A son is indebted to his parents in so many

ways, and it is the duty of the son to serve his parents, however great the

son may be. Indirectly, Klnëa wanted to teach the atheists who do not accept

the supreme fatherhood of God, and they may learn from this action how much

the Supreme Father has to be respected. Uddhava was simply struck with

wonder by such glorious behavior of the Lord, and he was very sorry that he

was unable to go with Him."

(SB 3.2.18)

 

 

"If anyone wants to enjoy the childhood pastimes of the Lord, then he has to

follow in the footsteps of the residents of Vraja like Nanda, Upananda and

other parental inhabitants. A child may insist on having something and cry

like anything to get it, disturbing the whole neighborhood, and then

immediately after achieving the desired thing, he laughs. Such crying and

laughing is enjoyable to the parents and elderly members of the family, so

the Lord would simultaneously cry and laugh in this way and merge His

devotee-parents in the humor of transcendental pleasure. These incidents are

enjoyable only by the residents of Vraja like Nanda Mahäräja, and not by the

impersonalist worshipers of Brahman or Paramätmä. Sometimes when attacked in

the forest by demons, Klnëa would appear struck with wonder, but He looked

on them like the cub of a lion and killed them. His childhood companions

would also be struck with wonder, and when they came back home they would

narrate the story to their parents, and everyone would appreciate the

qualities of their Klnëa. Child Klnëa did not belong only to His parents,

Nanda and Yaçodä; He was the son of all the elderly inhabitants of Vlndävana

and the friend of all contemporary boys and girls. Everyone loved Klnëa. He

was the life and soul of everyone, including the animals, the cows and the

calves."

(SB 3.2.29)

 

 

"Please accept my greetings and blessings of Lord Krishna. I am in due

receipt of your letter of 10/18/68. I am very much perplexed to know that

you are not feeling comfortable at the care of your parents. If your parents

don't receive you as their beloved son, I don't wish to keep you in that

blazing fire. I thank you very much for the strength of your mind and

Krishna will certainly help you. You will be pleased to know that I have now

immigration visa for your country and if I get the church-centre room in

U.N. I am going to make my H.Q. in N. York. If your parents don't treat very

well & want to make your life miserable, then you shall live with me. At

least I shall not make your life miserable even though I am not as rich as

your parents. If your father does not give you facilities for a car and good

apartment. I don't advise you to live in that blazing fire. Hope this will

meet you in good health. I am going tomorrow to Santa Fe and then to Los

Angeles."

 

Your ever well-wisher,

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

 

Letter to: Gargamuni

Montreal

26 October, 1968

 

 

"You have mentioned about your dilemma between Krsna and your parents, and

in this connection I may inform you that parents are available in any kind

of birth. Either you take your birth as a human being or as an animal, there

is a set of parents. But Krsna is available in the human form of body, so

Krsna is more important than the parents. So do not miss the opportunity of

your present human form of body. Try to understand Krsna, and make you life

successful."

 

Your ever well-wisher,

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

 

Letter to: Sriman Murthy

Los Angeles

22 May, 1970

 

 

"The child, even after his becoming a father of another child, remains the

same child before his parents and the parents out of love and affection

forget the fact that the body of the eternal child has gone many changes by

that time. The parents know well that their child is their infinite for many

changes in the physical body, and these facts prove without any doubt that

the living entity is distinct from the physical body. As such when the

living entity leaves off an old and unworkable machinery of physical body,

no sane man laments over it as the parents do not lament over the various

changes over their child's body."

(Books Esseys and Articles)

 

 

 

Breaking the Bonds of False Fatherhood (BTG)

"An enlightened father is glad when a bona fide spiritual master takes his

son as a disciple. But an ignorant father sees the spiritual master as his

enemy ...

by Satsvarüpa däsa Goswami

When a young person joins the Klnëa consciousness movement, his parents

often doubt the wisdom of his decision. Admittedly, to join the Hare Klnëa

movement is to commit oneself to values completely contrary to the "normal"

way of life in today's Western civilization. A Klnëa conscious person

strictly avoids the four pillars of sinful life-meat eating, illicit sex,

intoxication, and gambling-which the average Westerner takes to be life's

basic necessities. Yet after observing the fine character their sons and

daughters attain through spiritual discipline, most parents of devotees

adjust to their acceptance of Klnëa consciousness. However, a small group of

parents, especially in America, consider the Hare Klnëa movement a great

evil and are violently opposed to their adult children's choice of living in

Klnëa consciousness. These parents' attempts to recover their sons and

daughters by kidnapping and "deprogramming," as well as their accusations of

"brainwashing" directed against Klnëa conscious preachers, have ignited a

major civil rights issue: whether parental control can take precedence over

the individual's right to freely choose his own course in life.**

This bitter conflict is not new. We find a similar case in the

five-thousand-year-old Vedic history Çrémad-Bhägavatam. There we read of a

very powerful father named Dakna, who became outraged when his sons

renounced material life to follow the teachings of a Klnëa-conscious sage,

Närada Muni.** In light of the modern controversy, the account of how Närada

preached to the young men to convince them to give up family life, how Dakna

cursed Närada, and how Närada persisted in his Klnëa conscious mission makes

a revealing case history.

Our story begins at the dawn of creation. The Supreme Personality of Godhead

has instructed Brahmä, the first living entity in the universe, to increase

human population through his married sons, the Prajäpatis (progenitors). One

of the chief progenitors was the demigod Dakna. Dakna means "expert," and

this particular Dakna was expert in producing offspring through sexual

intercourse. In union with his wife Pädcajané he fathered ten thousand sons,

known as the Haryaçvas. Dakna intended that they also marry and increase

progeny, following their father. Being devoutly religious, Dakna wanted to

train his sons in the disciplines of Vedic culture to make them responsible,

productive householders. So he sent them on pilgrimage to a holy place named

Näräyaëa-saras, where, in the past, many saints and sages had meditated and

performed other religious practices.

In that holy place, the Haryaçvas began regularly touching the lake's waters

and bathing in them, gradually becoming very purified. They became inclined

toward activities of the paramaharsas (the most highly advanced, renounced

saints). Nevertheless, because their father had ordered them to increase the

population, they performed severe austerities to fulfill his desires.

One day the great sage Närada Muni entered Näräyaëa-saras. Seeing the boys

performing such fine austerities, Närada approached them. He saw that

although Dakna's ten thousand sons were preparing for materialistic family

life, they were simultaneously becoming eligible to hear of the path of

liberation due to their austerities. Närada thought, "Why should they become

entangled in family life, which is so dark that once one enters it, he

cannot leave?" (Generally, when one becomes too involved in his material

environment, he does not look within the core of his heart to find the

situation of the soul and the Supreme Soul.) One may argue that since

increasing progeny is also a necessary function of the material creation,

why should Närada disturb these boys in their preparation? Later, Dakna put

forth this very argument when he confronted Närada. However, Närada had no

doubt that eternal liberation is of far greater value to a person than good

progeny. Therefore, he approached the Haryaçvas to divert their attention

towards spiritual life.

Närada intrigued them by speaking in an allegorical way: "My dear Haryaçvas,

you have not seen the extremities of the earth. There is a kingdom where

only one man lives and where there is a hole from which, having entered, no

one emerges. A woman there who is extremely unchaste adorns herself with

various attractive dresses, and the man who lives there is her husband. You

have not seen all this, and therefore you are inexperienced boys without

advanced knowledge. Alas, your father is omniscient, but you do not know his

actual order. Without knowing the actual purpose of your father, how will

you create progeny?"

The Haryaçvas could understand the meaning of Närada's allegory. When he

said that they did not know the earth's extremities, they knew he meant the

"earth" of the body, or the field of material activities. Every one of us is

an eternal spirit soul, encaged in material bodies life after life. But out

of ignorance we take each body to be our real self. The Haryaçvas

immediately understood that Närada wanted them to become enlightened about

the self-not to continue in perpetual bondage, taking material bodies birth

after birth, but to use this human life for becoming free from this

encagement.

Närada mentioned a kingdom where there is only one king, with no competitor.

The Haryaçvas understood him to mean the kingdom of God, which encompasses

the complete spiritual world and all material universes, and where there is

only one proprietor and enjoyer, the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

Although sometimes appearing within the creation by His own sweet will, the

Supreme Lord is never forced to take birth like the infinitesimal living

entities. He is completely transcendental, and thus He is never destroyed,

even with the destruction of the universe. One who misunderstands this

transcendental position of Klnëa is a fool, and his hopes for knowledge,

wealth, and liberation are all baffled. The Haryaçvas realized, therefore,

that their duty in human life was to understand the Supreme Personality of

Godhead.

When the sage Närada spoke of entering a hole from which one does not

return, the Haryaçvas could understand that he was referring to entering

eternal, blissful Vaikuëöha (the spiritual planet). Klnëa teaches this same

subject to Arjuna in the Bhagavad-gétä, where He says: "One who knows the

transcendental nature of My appearance and activities does not, upon leaving

the body, take his birth again in the material world, but attains my eternal

abode, O Arjuna" (Bg. 4.9). The Haryaçvas agreed with Närada's instructions:

"Yes, if there is a place from which, having gone, we will not have to

return to this miserable material life, what is the use of impermanent

fruitive activities?"

Närada had described a woman who was a professional prostitute. The

Haryaçvas understood this woman to be the living entity's unsteady

intelligence. As a prostitute changes dress to attract a man's attention for

sense enjoyment, so, when one's intelligence is not turned toward Klnëa

consciousness, it is a prostituted intelligence and will force the living

being to change bodies, one after another. If one becomes the husband of a

prostitute he cannot be happy. Similarly, one who follows the dictates of

material intelligence and material consciousness will never be at peace.

Närada had said that the Haryaçvas did not know the order of their father.

They understood that Närada meant their spiritual father, the bona fide

spiritual master, who imparts scriptural knowledge to the faithful disciple.

Therefore, the spiritual master is the real father. The scriptures instruct

that one should end his material way of life. The Haryaçvas expressed their

enlightenment: "Yes, if one does not know the purpose of the father's

orders, the scriptures, he is ignorant. The words of a material father who

endeavors to engage his son in material activities are not the real

instructions of the father. "

This brings us to the crux of the parent-child issue. In every form of life,

one takes birth from a mother and father. (Even cats and dogs have their

kittens and puppies.) However, human life is more advanced than other forms,

because in the human form one has the chance to escape from the misery of

birth and death by accepting a spiritual master and being educated in

scriptural knowledge. The material mother and father are important only if

they are interested in educating their child to become free from the

clutches of death. In the Çrémad-Bhägavatam, the saintly king and father

Lnabhadeva advises his one hundred sons that no one should strive to become

a parent if he cannot save his dependent from the imminent danger of death.

Therefore, parents who actually wish their children well will not object to

their taking shelter of a bona fide spiritual master and getting the

opportunity to achieve the perfection of life. Opposition is raised only by

those parents who have no idea that the goal of human life is liberation

from material bondage, and who, in ignorance-"good intentions" have no

value-want to force their children to remain like themselves, trapped in the

dark well of material life.

So, defying the orders of their materialistic father, Dakna, the Haryaçvas

accepted Närada Muni as their spiritual master. Dakna had instructed them to

increase the population, but, after hearing the words of Närada Muni, they

could no longer heed that instruction. Rather, they followed Närada's advice

to give up material life and become devotees of the Lord. (Incidentally, all

the world's scriptures advise relief from material life. In the Buddhist

scriptures Lord Buddha advises that one achieve nirväëa by giving up the

materialistic way of life. In the Bible one will find the same advice: cease

materialistic life and return to the kingdom of God.)

Needless to say, Prajäpati Dakna was not very happy to hear that all his

sons had defied his order and taken up Klnëa consciousness. When Dakna was

lamenting for his lost children, Lord Brahmä pacified him, and thereafter

Dakna begot one thousand more sons in the womb of his wife Pädcajané. This

time his sons were known as the Savaläçvas. Here we can see that, whereas

Närada was very expert in delivering all the conditioned souls back to home,

back to Godhead, Prajäpati Dakna was expert in begetting children.

Unfortunately, the material expert did not agree with the spiritual expert.

Be that as it may, nothing could deter Närada from chanting the Hare Klnëa

mantra and imparting spiritual knowledge to his qualified disciples. In this

regard His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda has written:

The Klnëa consciousness movement is preaching this higher knowledge of

retiring from materialistic life to return to Godhead, but unfortunately

many parents are not satisfied with this movement.... However, we have no

alternative other than to teach our disciples to free themselves from

materialistic life. We must instruct them in the opposite of material life

to save them from the repetition of birth and death.

Ordered by Dakna to beget children, the Savaläçvas went to Näräyaëa-saras,

the same holy place where, by the grace of Närada, their brothers had

previously attained perfection. One might wonder why Dakna risked sending

his second set of sons to the same place where he had lost his first set.

The answer is that, despite his materialistic outlook, Dakna was a dutiful

father who followed the principles of Vedic culture. Therefore, he did not

hesitate to let his sons receive spiritual instructions concerning the

perfection of life. He allowed them to choose whether to return home, back

to Godhead, or to remain in the material world, transmigrating life after

life in various species. In all circumstances, the duty of a responsible

father is to give a spiritual education to his children and then allow them

to freely decide whether to adopt a spiritual or a material way of life.

The Savaläçvas performed the same penances as the Haryaçvas had. They bathed

in holy water, and its touch cleansed away all the dirty material desires in

their hearts. They also chanted sacred mantras and underwent a severe course

of austerities. Soon, Närada Muni approached the Savaläçvas and spoke

enigmatic words to them, just as he had spoken to the Haryaçvas. Then,

before departing, Närada advised them to follow the same spiritual path as

their beloved elder brothers. Deeply affected by the words of Närada, the

Savaläçvas also gave up the idea of producing children and took up Klnëa

consciousness.

When Dakna heard that the Savaläçvas had also defied him, he became very

angry at Närada and almost fainted in despair. Närada then approached Dakna,

thinking that since Dakna was lamenting, he would be a suitable candidate to

appreciate spiritual instructions. But when Närada came before Dakna, the

bereaved Prajäpati confronted him and angrily accused him, "Alas, Närada

Muni, you wear the dress of a saintly person, but you are not actually a

saint. By showing my sons the path of renunciation, you have done me an

abominable injustice."

Dakna finds his counterpart in today's angry parents, who accuse Çréla

Prabhupäda of misleading their inexperienced children. Çréla Prabhupäda

replies,

We are instructing all the young boys and girls in the Western countries to

follow the path of renunciation. We allow married life, but even a grhastha

[a Klnëa conscious householder] has to give up so many bad habits that his

parents think his life has been practically destroyed. We allow no meat

eating, no illicit sex, no gambling, and no intoxication, and consequently

the parents wonder how, if there are so many no's, one's life can be

positive. In the Western countries especially, these four prohibited

activities practically constitute the life and soul of the modern

population. Therefore, parents sometimes dislike our movement, just as

Prajäpati Dakna disliked the activities of Närada and accused him of

dishonesty. Nevertheless, although parents may be angry at us, we must

perform our duty without hesitation, because we are in the disciplic

succession from Närada Muni.

The point is that every human being must prepare himself for his next life.

It will not do simply to remain in materialistic household life without

regulation or spiritual discipline. One cannot expect to be happy in this

life or the next without following the injunctions of the scriptures.

Dakna next accused Närada of obstructing his sons' good fortune by making it

impossible for them to repay their debts-especially their debt to Dakna. The

Vedic culture recognizes that everyone is born a debtor, being obligated to

great saints, to the demigods, and to his father. To liquidate one's debt to

his father, one must beget children. Similarly, today's parents sometimes

appeal to their children in the Klnëa consciousness movement: "Don't you

appreciate all we've done for you? Please return to your family." However,

scriptures such as the Çrémad-Bhägavatam state that although everyone is

indebted to his family, if he surrenders to Klnëa he is freed from all

debts. Unfortunately, Dakna did not understand the great service rendered by

Närada Muni, so he called him a sinful person. Närada Muni, however, being

in reality a great saint, tolerated the accusations of Dakna, performed his

duty, and delivered Dakna's sons back home, back to Godhead.

Along these same lines, Dakna accused Närada of breaking the natural ties of

family affection. We have already pointed out that one may maintain an

affectionate relationship with his mother and father-provided they help and

not hinder him on the path of spiritual enlightenment. But since Dakna's

sole motive was to engage his sons in producing progeny, clearly the best

course they could have followed for their Klnëa consciousness was to break

their family ties with him. Today we find that many members of the Klnëa

consciousness movement have left family situations beset with fighting,

divorce, hypocrisy, and sin. Breaking such family connections cannot be

considered bad. Sometimes modern parents also say that taking up Klnëa

consciousness is bad because it destroys a young person's budding career.

But, again, if that career is one of materialistic ignorance-if it involves

no consideration of spiritual values-it is better to leave such a career and

become Klnëa conscious. This does not mean that one should stop working at

an honest occupation, but if the career is an impediment to spiritual

advancement, better to leave it.

One may argue that although Närada was a saint and his advice authoritative,

still, this incident took place in a culture entirely different from our

own; therefore its lessons cannot be applied to our modern situation. But

spiritual culture is not a matter of East or West; it is the eternal,

inalienable right of every human being, for it leads to the perfection of

life. Certainly our Western culture differs from the Vedic culture. Ours is

a culture that permits slaughter of the cow; that neither respects nor

protects saintly persons (brähmaëas), who are much needed to guide society;

that allows the murder of children within the womb; that encourages illicit

sexual relations outside sanctified marriage; and that has a government

which supports sinful activities like intoxication and gambling. So ours is

certainly a different kind of culture from the Vedic one, but must we

necessarily follow the culture in which we were born and raised, if it is so

entirely opposed to the progressive values of life?

Finally, Dakna cursed Närada: "You made me lose my sons once before, and now

you have again done the same inauspicious thing. Therefore, you are a rascal

who does not know how to behave toward others. You may travel all over the

universe, but I curse you to have no fixed residence anywhere." This curse

was considered a great punishment by Dakna, who, as a householder, wanted to

remain in one spot and enjoy family life. However, this "punishment" was a

boon for a Klnëa conscious preacher like Närada, because a preacher always

travels for the benefit of human society. Thus, Närada replied, "Yes, what

you have said is good. I accept this curse." Then Närada Muni departed, and

since that time he has been traveling throughout the spiritual and material

worlds, chanting Hare Klnëa, playing his vina, and enlightening everyone in

Klnëa consciousness.

 

Epilogue

We hope this narration from the Çrémad-Bhägavatam may stimulate the few

parents who oppose Klnëa consciousness to reconsider their condemnation of

the Klnëa consciousness movement for diverting their offspring from the

material path. Unlike Dakna, many parents of devotees, as well as many

important citizens, do appreciate the immense value of Klnëa consciousness

to the younger generation and to people in general. Recently, Governor Jerry

Brown of California personally called on the Hare Klnëa movement to help him

bring spiritual encouragement to hospital patients in his state. Learned

scholars in virtually every major university around the world have written

warm appreciations of Çréla Prabhupäda's books on Klnëa consciousness. In

addition, many devotees' parents have helped form organizations for the

protection of their children's right to practice the religion of their

choice.

The small minority of modern-day Daknas who cannot or will not try to

understand Klnëa consciousness may continue their efforts to hinder this

movement and its preachers, but we shall not fear them. We shall simply go

on humbly performing our duty, trying to follow the orders of the Supreme

Personality of Godhead, who has said, "Teach everyone to follow the

instructions of Lord Çré Klnëa as they are given in the Bhagavad-gétä and

Çrémad-Bhägavatam. In this way become a spiritual master and try to liberate

everyone in the world."

Parenting: Authoritative vs. Authoritarian

It was with great sadness that I read the recent article by Sri Rama Dasa

about "Four Kinds of Parents." The ideas in that article epitomize the

conservative authoritarian approach to child-raising that has failed

so-called fundamentalist Christians and others who have sought to forcibly

channel their children's behavior into socially acceptable and

parent-gratifying lines.

First of all, Sri Rama Dasa Prabhu outlines four different parenting styles

in a manner that could have been lifted verbatim from a right-wing

educational diatribe, as if they were Vedic categories. It is grossly

misleading when such descriptions are published unchallenged, and without a

clear explanation of the real sources of the theories. The bias of the

article is clearly seen in the choice of labels. "Permissive" is a

pejorative term long applied by right-wingers in America to explain how it

could have happened that a generation of young people turned away from war,

animal slaughter, materialistic addiction, and slavish obedience to the

government, turning instead to other lifestyles, including the Hare Krishna

movement.

In his analysis of the "neglectful" parent, he lists as one of the

unfortunate results of such a parental attitude a poor response to

"discipline outside the home (from teachers, pastors, police, and so on). "

Do devotees really want their children to give blind obedience to police and

other representatives of the cruel, materialistic American society we find

ourselves in? If those who are now members of the Krishna consciousness

movement had given such obedience to karmi culture, they would today be good

little meat-eating workaholics instead of ecstatic devotees of the Lord.

As the father of two small children, I certainly do not want my kids to

learn slavish obedience to outside authority. We must not forget that we

must be discriminating and judge who is a legitimate authority and who is

not. We are given clear guidance that a leader must act in accordance with

sadhu [saints] and sastra [scripture]. My wife and I want our children to

grow up thinking for themselves. We accept very seriously our obligation as

devotees to provide an atmosphere that will encourage and nurture our

children's Krishna consciousness.

Of the devotee parents I know, some are open, loving, and generous and teach

their children by example, while others are more stern and authoritative.

That is variegatedness. I am aware of no categories given by Krishna or

Srila Prabhupada that outline the divisions in parenting styles presented in

this article. You do a disservice to the devotee community by publishing

such a one-sided and misleading article.

My fear is that the article will have a chilling effect on parents in the

Hare Krsna movement. Now those parents who, out of fear, practice the same

authoritarian ways of child-rearing that their parents did (unsuccessfully)

will be bolstered in their belief that if they just demand enough, their

kids will grow up just like them. And those parents who seek to raise their

children with affection and gentle exploration, while not compromising the

principles of Krishna consciousness, may be intimidated into thinking that

gentleness is somehow not Krishna conscious.

Another troubling fault in Sri Rama Dasa's article is the tendency, noticed

increasingly in the pages of Back to Godhead, to refer to the authorities

and experts of karmi, cow-killing society for advice. It should be clear

that we should rely on more benign sources for our information and theories

and not look to the culture that hates Krishna, delights in killing cows and

human beings, has no concern for the unfortunate among us, and daily

tortures innocent animals in laboratories.

Krishna consciousness flourishes when children feel love and unqualified

support from their parents and the surrounding devotee community. Remember

that honey attracts much better than vinegar.

Everyone, including devotees, is entitled to his opinions on various

matters, under the guidance of guru, sadhu and sastra. But those opinions

should not be presented in the pages of Back to Godhead as fact.

Let us be honest, loving, and open with our children and lead them by

example. Then we are serving the Divine within them, and when we do that we

are making the world a little more conscious of Krishna. Hare Krishna!

Bhäva Däsa

San Carlos, California

 

ÇRÉ RÄMA DÄSA REPLIES: I must have failed to properly explain the difference

between "authoritarian" and "authoritative" parenting. The complaints and

fears expressed by Bhäva Däsa seem directed at the authoritarian approach, a

mode of action I definitely did not recommend.

Authoritative parenting embodies two primary concepts: (1) transferring

values and (2) setting reasonable limits.

Parent's must try their best to pass on their genuinely held values. This is

especially true for devotees. Otherwise, what is the meaning of the

following injunction from Çrémad-Bhägavatam (5.5.18): "One who cannot

deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should

never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother, or a

worshipable demigod"?

Vedic culture was highly authoritative. Children received the same clear

value messages from parents, teachers, relatives, neighbors, the government,

and so on. Now, when children hear nothing but a conflicting cacophony of

"situation ethics" from all sides, don't we owe them something more than

just setting a good example? Shouldn't we take the time and trouble to

explain why we lead the lives we do?

Çréla Prabhupäda also advised that we directly engage our children in

devotional service. He said it is like fire: it will have its effect whether

one knows its potency or not. Never forcing-but direction and encouragement.

Our children should and will learn to think for themselves. But at the right

time. Prabhupäda referred to Canakya Pandita's recommendation to treat them

like friends at sixteen years-not before. From five to sixteen years a more

disciplined approach is called for.

>From everything I've seen, heard, and studied, children (including

teenagers) want and expect parents to set reasonable limits on their

behavior Limits inspire feelings of stability and concern. Properly applied,

they show that parents believe enough in their values to take steps to

instill them in their sons and daughters. Authoritarian parents say, "Do as

I say or else!" Authoritative parents say, "Do as I do, and here is the

reason why."

If one makes a detailed study of Çréla Prabhupäda's instructions to parents

and teachers, one will find they fit the authoritative concept quite

closely-clear and firm direction, but no force. Perhaps this approach hasn't

worked for nondevotee parents because they had little to offer in genuine

spiritual values. I don't think that should make us afraid to do the right

thing ourselves."

 

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Parents, friends and relatives

(from www.iskcon.com)

 

Conflict between spiritual and material visions is nothing new: Brahma and

the Four Kumaras, Daksa and Narada Muni, Buddha, Jesus. Such difficulties

arise in all cultures. Still, when visiting parents and relatives or even

old friends, devotees should bear certain things in mind. Here is a list of

important reminders and tips.

" We must always respect our parents.

" Devotees can speak with them about other things too (not exclusively

about Krishna).

" The relationship shouldn't be disturbed by our involvement in

Krishna consiousness. It should continue just as before or improve.

" When Srila Prabhupada was staying at the Aggrawals, for example, and

people would smoke, he would tell them not to worry about him; he didn't

mind. He didn't create any trouble for anyone. He cooked for them. He shared

in their joy. He could speak about mundane things like the vacuum cleaner.

He was always very friendly and pleasant to be with.

" Try to understand how they may view our acceptance of a devotional

life.

" Be careful of the tendency to zealously share your enthusiasm for

Krishna Consciousness with your family or friends. It may not always be

appropiate.

" Ease your family and friends into it gradually. Don't load

everything onto them at once.

" Keep in regular contact with your family.