Smell of ashes

[Guest guest]

My most beloved father expired in the month of August 2006 . His remains were cremated at an electric crematorium in Chennai. The sinister and depressing atmosphere made me sick and depressed. I had this overwhelming urge to end my life there itself.My senses were overpowered by the intense

smell of ashes. We came back after completing the cremation rites.

 

When I reached home the smell of ashes continued to assail my olfactory senses .This continued for many days,sometimes the smell would seem to follow me around. It was more promiment in one of the rooms were both Dad and Mum slept.

 

Now after a month or so the smell has vanished and I am now filled with an intense sadness.Was Dad here and was he forced to leave? What kind of a bizarre game is Lord Krishna playing? Both Dad and myself are devotees of Lord Krishna.

 

 

Both Dad and Mum have been ill for over a decade but that did not prevent them from living for others. Can anyone shed light on what this "smell" could have been??

 

Do you know of anyone who can help me in communicating with the spirit World??

[Ayodhya]

The smell may have simply been the residue from the crematorium, but there is another reason.

 

The ashes, being the only remnant of your father, caused your brain to re-create the smell as it was the only part of your father you could ever reason to sense again. There is a reason we Hindus cremate and that is to let go of their spirit, not convene with them in the Afterlife.

 

I am sorry, indeed, my grandmother passed away last year.

[Guruvani]

Yudhisthira Maharaja showed the example of how a man goes off to die alone without burdening the family with the gruesome details of death and dying.

 

When we are too attached to the physical bodies of family members, then we get too close to the funeral rites and the cremation. This causes undesirable effects that linger for some time.

 

The funeral rites should be performed by priests who are unattached to the bodies of the deceased. Family members should not participate.

 

When I die I want my body to be taken away immediatly and I don't want any of my children to see the dead body or witness the cremation.

I only want them to remember me as living and not as dead.

 

People should not burden loved ones with funerals and cremations.

That should be conducted by priests and professionals who have no sentiment attached to the dead body.

 

So, getting too involved in the cremation and funeral rites can be inauspicious for the family members as the starter of this topic has found out.

[suchandra]

 

....an electric crematorium in Chennai. The sinister and depressing atmosphere made me sick and depressed.

 

This crematorium construction is surely out dated and inhuman and should be closed. The description by sadman reminds of the Auschwitz concentration camp where the Nazis burned their poor victims and all the neighbour villages could smell the burning of human beings.

This is clearly offending human dignity and should be brought to court.

I would say sadman should demand reparation.

[Guest guest]

The sense of "smell" is perceived as such by our brain when particles of matter on the atomic [atom] and molecular [molecule] level disperse throughout the air and travel up into our nose.

 

Atom is the smallest unit of matter or "stuff" that exists. So atom of dust is very small particle. And our noses have hairs in them, trapping these small units of matter there. So perhaps that is why you were smelling for several days afterwards.

 

 

 

Prabhuji, I was wondering if you can do mental offerings for your dad to replace this negative vritti or impression that you have? A friend who works as a priest relayed to me how wonderful the death rites are in Gaudiya Vaisnavism. The book that was used is called "The Book of Samskaras."

 

First the ashes were obtained by the family; then they gave them to the priest. Next the priest mixes the ashes with 5 elements: gold [flakes], sandalwood. rosewater, ghee, and honey. Then the ashes plus these substances were all kneaded into a ball.

 

My friend informed me that the smell of the sandalwood, rosewater, ghee, and honey all combined were heavenly, and the gold flakes glinting in the sun made it look beautiful. He said that what could have been a fearful and macabre event was transformed into a thing of elegance and beauty. The aggregate totality of the mixture both looked and smelled like chocolate chip cookie dough.

 

This mixture of the ashes plus the five elements was then carefully covered with pure white silk. It was very interesting because wrapped in the white silk then it looked something like holding and carrying a newborn baby. My friend was very touched with the preciousness and sacred trust that the family had placed on him, and he felt very honored to be carrying this sacred

remains of a person who had been a lifelong Vaisnava.

 

Then the male members of the family met with my friend at the agreed upon body of water for immersion. Chanting sacred mantras the entire time, the male members of the family did one last puja to their father. Many sticks of the very best incense were offered to Lord Krishna and then placed all over the beach to purify the ether.

 

Then after having worshipped their dad one last time, the family then folded hands into pranams and chanted mantras while my friend waded out into the water until he was waist deep. Then continuing to chant auspicious mantras he released the remains into the sea. At this moment very beautiful rays of

sunlight penetrated the sky in what had once been overcast day, and soft gentle rains fell from the heavens creating rainbow that arched through the entire sky and ended where the dad's remains were immersed in the sea.

 

My friend said that the only thing that he would have changed was to have the female members of the family there also to witness this very cathartic event.

 

 

 

If your first experience was unpleasant perhaps you can do a memorial service thirty three days after or forty-nine days after and again one year after. There is a miraculously healing Memorial Service a priest can do also outlined in the book of samskaras. In this healing service you have a homa yajna as usual for a wedding or any other event invoking the Gods. Then instead of throwing rice grains into the fire, the participants throw haluwah

into the fire.

 

My friend observed this ceremony done for a boy who had committed suicide. No church would do the last rites for him as they were not members of any church. A family friend suggested to try the Hare Krsna Temple. The priest readily agreed and counselled the family about the imperishable soul. The family was so surprised when in the middle of tears suddenly mounds of sweets were flying in all directions.

 

At first the non-Hindus there were shocked and surprised, then suddenly no one was morose anymore as the atmosphere took on the much lighter mood and vibe of a food fight at a college dorm. As the boy who had committed suicide was college age, all of his Goth friends were there and every single person there thought that this was the most cool funeral in the entire world.

 

The priest kept up his sober priestly demeanor and only once he had to say into the microphone, "Pleas do not aim the haluwah at the priest's head, try to throw it into the sacrificial fire."

 

At which point everyone cracked up even more and more; even the mom and sister of the deceased were laughing out loud. The entire event became surged with joy and hope and happiness that their dearest son who was so sweet to them was being honored with sweetness and creating a sweet ending as part of a new sweet beginning.

 

 

 

I am not saying that you need to do exactly that, but perhaps you can create your own new follow-up ceremonies which will create new vasanas and samskaras, resulting in positive new vrittis or impressions and memories.

Sogyal Rinpoche said that he felt the prayers that are the strongest are those prayers uttered by someone who loves the departed.

 

This was also echoed by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniya who said that, "Many people are afraid to do puja, specific traditional rites of worship, because they feel that they don't have enough training or don't understand the mystical principles behind it enough...

 

"Most Hindus depend on priests to perform the pujas and sacraments for them...However simple pujas may be performed by anyone wishing to invoke grace from God, Mahadevas, or devas.

 

"Love and dedication and the outpouring from the highest chakras of spiritual energy of teh lay devotee are often greater than any professional priest could summon within himself. Devotees of this calibre have come up in Hindu society thoughout the ages..."

 

 

 

My suggestion is try to conduct a nice marathon of spiritual activities in your home for your dad. Go to a nice place, bring conch shell, flowers, fruits, garlands, incense, pictures of your father's Istha Devata and auspicious items.

Perhaps this nice place is within your own home or out in nature. Then sing some mantras or recite from any scriptural books that your dad liked.

 

I suggest that you do this for forty nine days, or whatever interval feels right for you. Just create some new nice memories and trust that while perhaps you cannot see or hear your dad, he can see and hear you, for the departed are seven times more clairaudient and clairvoyant than usual.

 

Perhaps then you can transform something that began as sad into a powerful and positive final lesson from your father: "Children, know that I will always be proud of you and will always be right there alongside you whenever you chant the Holy Names. For whenever you chant the Names of God, all of The Lord's associates are there and this is how we can always remain in touch. Affectionately and with love, Dad."

[Guruvani]

 

The aggregate totality of the mixture both looked and smelled like chocolate chip cookie dough.

You were doing pretty good till you made this awful remark.

I think somebody might be trying to pass off karma-kanda rituals as "Gaudiya customs".

 

Just chant Hare Krishna.

You can't do anything better than that for a dead relative.

 

Remembering one's deceased relative as cookie dough is a very bizarre idea.

[Guest guest]

Some people like to go on pilgrimmage in honor of their departed beloveds. They dedicate the merit to their loved ones. The loved one inspired them to do the pilgrimmage and so the loved one gains the merit in that way also.

 

Others sponsor a feast and feed prasadam to the poor, to Vaisnavs, and/or pilgrims either at a temple or on in conjunction with a pilgrimmage. Many people coordinate these events with auspicious times of the year.

 

There are many beautiful temples throughout India and all over the world, that might be a nice way to honor and remember dad also. You can communicate with the Deities there and tell Them what is in your heart.

Your dad would get the merit of inspiring you to do all of these things.

 

And while you are at any temple on pilgrimmage, just talk to your dad in your mind or out loud. Tell him thank you for being a good dad and inspiring you to go on pilgrimmage and how to be a good person: teaching you good values, with natural appreciation for the uplifting and noble, not coarse, things in life.

Love, and the language of hearts, has no limits like space and time.

 

Remember, too, that the Gita said the soul cannot be moistened by water, burned into ashes, or withered by the wind. So remember that ultimately any ashes that remain are not your dad's true identity of saccidananda: either bad memory/ bad smell ashes story or light-hearted memory ashes story. Ashes are just what remain of the anna-maya kosha, the food-based body and are not who we really are: the ananda-maya kosha: body of bliss.

 

Peace be unto you. Aum Shanthi Shanthi Aum.

[Guest guest]

 

Do you know of anyone who can help me in communicating with the spirit World??

 

Dear Devotee,

 

Getting in touch with the departed souls of one's ancestor is bonafide wish and is vedic. There are many rituals presecribed in the Vedic culture for it. And if we look at many other cultures, most have methods to satisfy their near and dear departed souls.

It is important and part of a soul's / person's "Pitra Rin". The pandavas also did this.

 

The souls departing in those days were more in control in terms of knowing when they are leaving and could detach themselves and plan. But it is important for them to see their proginy to be happy and content. Because its their life's work and love they are leaving behind. And there are many methods to get in touch with them. To know what wishes they left behind. This can be important for their soul.

Some people can only tell you chant and be happy. Without providing a solution. I suggest u go to siddhashramdotorg site and try to meet one of the Gurudev Shrimaliji. He can suggest you a practical way.

There are many psychic and mantric methods through which u can contact ur Dad and send him your love and get his blessings.

I wish you good luck and happiness.

Your Dad spent his time and needed to go to the next level of his spiritual evolution. This is a natural phenomenon. He surely had a very strong presence in his room. Its natural for the soul to remain attached to the place and people he left. He still remains in the same place for a period of forty days, before departing, and then he can still be contacted, unless he has already chosen another womb. But rituals still evoke his blessings on a spiritual level. And is good for him. This is also one of the duties of a son in Vedic culture. There are certain sadhnas that able a person to evoke the departed spirits. And there are sadhnas that able a sadhak to evoke spirits of very high calibre, like those of Rishis. All this is possible if you go through a proper sadhna and or ritual.. merely chanting doesn't really solve problems of life. It surely gives some peace of mind and some good karma. Its not solution but compromise and making oneself believ that everything is temporary in the world. Which is true, but peopel do need solutions to problems in life, otherwise they can't evolve further. The culture at the time of Lord Krishna is full of it. After the Mahabharat war, Krishna performed a special yagya to bless and free the souls that departed in teh war. And he made Arjuna to go severe sadhnas to get rid of the sin of killing his Gurus and elders. All this is practical. If today someone says that all this is karma kaand and not good, then its because they don't believe in it enough. Krishna did it, Arjuna did it. Why not us? Its all Vedic.

 

You can't get "too involved" in cremation rites. In order to understand life one has to understand death too. And there are certain rites prescribed by our Vedic culture that a son must carry out in order to relieve his parent after their leaving this physical body.

Anyways... I hope u will find the way and be fine. May your Dad's soul be in peace and blessed and happy.

 

Regards,

 

Nikhilsevak

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your timely words of wisdom, Nikhilsevak.

 

Every culture has its own death rites, as does every religion. And within each religion, each branch may have different practices also. We are fortunate to live in time of internet and learn from others practices which may speak to our own heart.

 

Tibetan Buddhism has the practice of making tsa-tsa from the ashes. While the concept of remains of our beloveds as a type of dough mixture may seem bizarre to others more steeped in an American Christian outlook on life, it is not that far-fetched to a Tibetan Buddhist.

 

 

 

From what I understand, seems that Americans generally speaking hide all signs of poverty, death, and disease as much as possible from their citizens. This would be much like how Prince Siddhartha was shielded from the world by his parents in their palace. Therefore one day he was shocked to find a diseased person etc when he ventured outside his usual realm of engagement

with reality, such as he knew it.

 

The Tibetans are very familiar with death and the sight of a dead body much more than ordinary American I would conjecture. You can learn of this by reading any account of any recent ascent of Mount Everest. Tenzing Norgay's son wrote an account as did Jon Krakauer in which was described how the Tibetans humorously refer to corpses they find frozen in the eternal ice of Everest as "human momo for the ravens".

 

They are not being disrespectful but surrounded by the spectre of death constantly then they have learned to take a more light-hearted approach to the reality of death and the aftermath of what is left of the human body.

 

 

 

Every culture has a different idea of how to deal with the remains. Even science has admitted that "energy is what keeps us [holds the human body] together" (Pearsall 41) --Paul Pearsall, PhD "The Heart's Code. "It is energy...that keeps a human being in one piece" (Nuland 123-124) --S.B. Nuland "The Wisdom of the Body". In the Sanatana Dharma we know that this energy is the eternal soul which pervades the entire body, as well as the presence of the Lord everywhere as Brahman and as the Supersoul within each atom.

 

The Tibetans also cremate their dead but they do something different than the ritual of adding gold, rosewater, sandalwood, honey, and ghee to the ashes. They use the ashes and add clay and water to make tsa-tsa. They form this mixture into something like fly ash concrete mix and then press it into molds. The molds are of different Deities. Then when the tsa tsa are dried, they are deposited at certain holy locations in caves or placed into the water so that the nagas may view them and have benefit of their darshan.

 

 

 

I myself really like this idea of my remains being transformed into something auspicious like that. So it is not that bizarre that some cultures make a dough out of the remains. Since Tibetan culture is derived a great deal from Sanskrit texts then it seems very natural and normal that they learned of this

idea of making a sacred dough from the ashes, but took it a step further and

created the idea of the tsa tsa.

[Guest guest]

 

.. merely chanting doesn't really solve problems of life. It surely gives some peace of mind and some good karma.

 

It depends upon what you chant.

 

You might find quite a few Krsna bhaktas here who will disagree with these two assertions.

[theist]

 

The smell may have simply been the residue from the crematorium, but there is another reason.

 

The ashes, being the only remnant of your father, caused your brain to re-create the smell as it was the only part of your father you could ever reason to sense again. There is a reason we Hindus cremate and that is to let go of their spirit, not convene with them in the Afterlife.

 

I am sorry, indeed, my grandmother passed away last year.

 

I like Ayodya's answer. Sense of smell is intertwined with memory. Often a smell will send us back to an incident in childhood. The association is very strong. I see no reason why this couldn't happen in reverse with the memory and smell reinforcing themselves in your experience.

 

One cure, if this is problematic, is to smell Tulasi and remember Krsna in it's palce.