Memories of Srila Prabhupada's last days

[Guest guest]

I had not read these before and appreciated them very much.

 

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Darkest of Midnights

 

The Kaviraja (Aryvedic Doctor)told us outside of Srila Prabhupada room "Srila Prabhupada is always experiencing the pain of fire as he has no muscle in his body any longer all of the nerves are lying on the bones, Srila Prabhupada must always be feeling a burning fire sensation but he doesn't complain, he is a demigod. "Then later on in the room the kaviraja expressed in great excitement Srila Prabhupada"you can control your heart beat". ! "One minute I check your heart beat and there's almost no beat and now I check and it's normal "! He kept telling the devotees Srila Prabhupada is no ordinary person and we didn't say anything but we knew it was true.

 

Day after day we were invited to always be within Srila Prabhupadas room but one day on the invitation of a devotee I left Krishna Balaram Mondir went to visit other temples and hear the kirtans in the temples as the sun set.

 

Upon returning back to be with Srila Prabhupada Hamsadutta Swami asked us"where have you been"? We told him we were visiting the temples in Vrindaban, with a very strong look he said, "there is no other higher places to be in Vrindaban but in Srila Prabhupada room with him at this moment "and we should understand this and try to spend all our time there.

 

We certainly agreed and after this I tried to spend every minute in Srila Prabhupadas room. Usually when we had our soft kirtans for Srila Prabhupada there were 5 or 6 devotees all chanting together One day I remember it was only myself and Prithu Prabhu chanting. There were some devotees in the room near Srila Prabhupadas bed speaking to His Divine Grace and we were having our kirtan softly for Srila Prabhupada.

 

Truthfully I was falling asleep as I chanted and when I realised I was, I checked myself and said to myself"it is only you and this Prabhu chanting and this is for Srila Prabhupada directly wake up! "Now chant nicely and clearly and as sweet as possible for His Divine Grace".

 

It wasn't 3 mantras latter that Srila Prabhupada stopped talking to the devotees around his bed and asked, "who is that chanting"?

 

Then they(the devotees within the room who were speaking with Srila Prabhupada) said its, "Prithu Prabhu and another devotee "and they came over to me and said "Srila Prabhupada wants to know your name "I told them I'm Pita das"and they went back and told His Divine Grace my name and he said. "ahhhh, yes, very nice chanting, . . continue, and we did. "

 

There was no doubt in my mind that Srila Prabhupada was aware of all of our thoughts, of everything within the room, of even the small noises and even the prayers and moods of the devotees.

 

My mind was even worse then than it is now and when coming close to His Divine Graces bedside I would hear my mind cursing foul language . I would ignore it and pray for it to stop so I could continue being within the room.

 

Sometimes I would see devotees upon entering the room take His Divine Graces feet within their hands sometimes placing their heads upon them.

 

I was feeling all to sinful a soul to do the same as I felt I had transferred enough of my sins to His Divine Grace. And it seemed His Divine Grace was overburdened with our karma.

 

One day also there was an Indian gentleman talking to Srila Prabhupada it might have been Bugaji I am unsure. Srila Prabhupada told him that the reason for his sickness was because of all the sins he had taken from his disciples.

 

The Indian gentleman said"but Srila Prabhupada they are all chanting Maha Mantra now ,so they have no sins. "And Srila Prabhupada didn't say anything but he seemed to express uncertainty on this.

 

Then One evening most of the devotees had slowly left the room with only Swarupa Damodarra Swami and myself remaining.

 

I was only 3 years living within the temple I had never been able to directly speak to His Divine Grace before let alone do any personal service but I at once realised that if Swarupa Damadarra was to leave the room I would then be the only one there and if Srila Prabhupada wanted something, then I would have to get it for him.

 

At that moment Srila Prabhupada asked for something and Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj left the room then it was only His Divine Grace and I in the room.

 

After a few minutes Srila Prabhupada called out I was sitting far from His Divine Graces bed in the place were we chanted . I got up and went to Srila Prabhupads side and asked ", Yes Srila Prabhupada can I get you something. "Srila Prabhupada just said"Cotton Swab"", yes Srila Prabhupada at once Srila Prabhupada". and I went to look at the table behind His Divine Graces bed, for a cotton swab but I found none, . I then realised that that was what Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj had gone to get as there just weren't any about in the room, just some cotton ball.

 

So I picked up the cotton ball and prayed, "please Lord Krishna make this cotton ball into a cotton swab for Srila Prabhupada and I will never tell anyone if you do, please just let me do some pleasing service for His Divine Grace. "but the cotton remained a cotton ball and not a swab but I took it back to Srila Prabhupada anyway and I said, "here Srila Prabhupada ". . knowing it wasn't what he had requested and His Divine Grace took the cotton and placed it in his ear with His Lotus pinkie finger.

 

I went back into my position on the side of the room and after a few minutes Swarupa Damodarra returned with the real cotton swabs and proceeded to clean Srila Prabhupada ear and I almost fainted to think that I could of even of attempted to of tried to help in such a way. I felt weak and shaken.

 

The point was that Srila Prabhupada took the cotton as if that was what he had ordered me to get Srila Prabhupada was and is an ocean of transcendental mercy very aware of all our moods and thoughts.

 

The talk among the devotees was that the medicine given to Srila Prabhupada was bad or doing no good. The Kaviraj was saying that there was a medicine he knew of in Jaipur which may cure Srila Prabhupada, in the medicine was crushed blue sapphires, it was mixed by a doctor who had passed away, his students had never learned from their teacher how to mix this medicine but there was still a few batches of the medicine left in Jaipur and the Kaviraja went there to get it for the 12 to the 13th of November I do not know if the medicine brought back by the Kaviraj was ever given to Srila Prabhupada. The afternoon of the 13th Srila Prabhupada said he was finished taking medicine, he said"I have no more will to live, this body is finished It is unfit to serve Krishna with. I will not recover". I was told by Abhinanda Prabhu that on the night of the 13th the medicine was given to Srila Prabhupada and Srila Prabhupada never responded well to it, as on the morning of the 14th we were all brought into Srila Prabhupadas room with Srila Prabhupada preparing to enter Mahasamdhi. We all Chanted loud kirtan all day into the evening. Maha Mantra and prayers to Lord Narashima Dev.

 

Before I speak of this I would prefer to back afew days as there is still more to tell before this time came to be.

 

Srila Prabhupadas condition was so delicate we were all afraid that anything could take him away from us

 

The time was approaching for Govardam Puja celebration and one afternoon Srila Prabhupada said that we should all celebrate the Govardam Puja by going to Govardam Hill together.

 

There have been accounts of this written by Satsvarupa Maharaj but I do not remember him there at the time. I certainly though do remember His Holiness present at the time of placing His Divine Grace into the Earth though.

 

I certainly can not remember word for word what was spoken as this went on for many hours one day but when Srila Prabhupada expressed the desire that he wanted to go to Govardam Hill the devotees present were Hamsadutta Swami, Tamal Krishna Goswamij, Lokanatha Swami, Bhakti Caru Swami, Bhavananda Swami, and maybe Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj as he came the last few days I cant remember if he or Satavarupa Maharaj were also present and many other devotees.

 

The facts were that there were two camps one was the ones who wanted to do what Srila Prabhupada requested by taking His Divine Grace to Govardam Hill by Ox cart and the other camp.

 

The first camp was comprised of Hamasutta Swami and Srila Prabhupada; the other camp headed by Tamal Krishna Goswami was comprised by everyone else including myself.

 

(Most of all the statements of Srila Prabhupada wanting to go to Govardam have been clearly reported so why should I try to present the whole pastime here with my inferior writing abilities?)

 

Srila Prabhupada said one day if we would take His Divine Grace on Parikram of Shree Govardon it would cure him.

 

"We can all sleep under the trees,"Srila Prabhupada said.

 

The Kaviraja told us if we even carried Srila Prabhupada to the front gate His Divine Grace would leave his body. So we were all against taking Srila Prabhupada on Parikram but Srila Prabhupada ordered Lokanatha Maharaj to go get an ox cart.

 

Srila Prabhupada then said that this was really the best way for the sannasysi to preach by ox cart. We kept pleading with Srila Prabhupada that it was madness to go on ox cart let alone to even leave the room (One just had to have been there to understand how fragile His Divine Graces physical was at that point. ) Srila Prabhupada made the statement that staying in his room was "like being killed by Ravana better to be killed by Ram. "

 

The Kaviraja asked Srila Prabhupada to "request a flower airplane to take you Srila Prabhupada if you request it certainly it will come and this you can take to Govardam, "as he was completely convinced by this time that Srila Prabhupada was an extraordinary personality.

 

"The Kaviraj told us all"the bumping of the cart would kill Srila Prabhupada even if His Divine Grace made it out of the gate".

 

Only Hamsudutta was on the side of Srila Prabhupada.

 

Hamsadutta said outside of His Divine Graces room, "if Srila Prabhupada says going to Govardam will cure him then that's what we must do, hasnt Srila Prabhupada always been right before?

 

Tamal Krishna Maharaj responded ", Srila Prabhupada says it will cure him because it will kill him, which means he will be cured. "

 

It went on and on for hours and no one took Hamasudutta's or Srila Prabhupada's side.

 

We just could not agree to put His Divine Grace on that cart in his condition.

 

Finally at sunset after it seemed many hours the cart was brought to Krishna Balaram Mondir to take Srila Prabhupada to Govardam.

 

All the devotees headed by Tamal Krishna Goswami went into Srila Prabhupada room to beg him not to be asked to be placed on the cart.

 

Srila Prabhupada then said"alright I will not go if it is causing all to worry so much.

 

" Tamal Krishna Maharaj totally exhausted almost yelling said to Srila Prabhupada. ,

 

"Srila Prabhupada we just cant understand why you have insisted that we take you out when you know that it will just kill you to go."

 

"The more we fear you will actually go, the more we become scared that you will leave us!""This just makes us even more protective of you and our love for you becomes even greater for fear of loosing you'!"

 

And then His Divine Grace said" that is my duty. to make you love me more".

 

And it was over and Srila Prabhupada did not go to Govardam because we all pleaded with His Divine Grace to stay.

 

The last day Srila Prabhupada was speaking to us was the 13th as I have said before in the afternoon Srila Prabhupada told us he just wanted to leave there was no more reason to stay His Divine Grace said"I have given you everything, everything is there within my books"

 

During these last few days His Holiness Swarupa Damorra Maharaj offered almost constant service also to Srila Prabhupada.

 

Srila Prabhupada when seeing Swarupa Damorra Maharaj would at once speak about his work with the scientific community whom Srila Prabhupada had ordered him to preach to and expose them as cheater a fools and rascals.

 

That evening Srila Prabhupada last darshan with us started off in this mood as Swarupa Damodarra was still there taking special care of His Divine Grace and Srila Prabhupada was still in this mood.

 

As I entered the room I heard the darshan like this.

 

"There are four kinds of birth, . birth from the womb, . . birth from the seed, . birth from the egg and birth from sweatHow can the scientist say that life is coming by a combination of chemicals? They can not understand Bhagavat Gita . . They can not understand . . brahma buta pra sam atma no cam sati na cams iti . . . They can not understand that the brahma buta person is tasting happiness within. that this body maybe completely destroyed. but he is in. ecstasy. . I am. That. Brahma bhuta person "and he held His head up a bit as He always did.

 

This talk although brief maybe lasted 15 minutes. And then Tamal Krishna Maharaj said,"that was a very nice darshan Srila Prabhupada you need to take your rest now "and we were asked to say good night.

 

The Next Morning we were all called into Srila Prabhupada room. Srila Prabhupada wasn't responding to anyone.

 

His Divine Grace was preparing to enter MahaSamadhi. Everyone was allowed to enter His Divine Graces room and All the devotees at Shri Shri Krishna Balaram Mondir came there.

 

His Divine Grace was not conscious as before and all the devotees we screaming the Narashimha Dev Prayers.

 

Really it was gasely. Horrible

 

I knew that Srila Prabhupada now was really about to leave us and we all cryed so deeply for Srila Prabhupada. (and for ourselves ,fearful that my protector was to leave me, I feared falling back into material life again and now I am after 29 yrs feeling so entangled, love and trust within our sangam did really pass away ) .

 

Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would open His Lotus Mouth and exhibit what appeared as excruciating pains. At this moment I prayed Srila Prabhupada leaving his body really had to be experiencing transcendental ecstasy at the same time to mundane vision His Divine Grace appeared in so much difficulty.

 

We chanted louder and louder and it seemed we never stopped the Nrashima Prayers.

 

Oceans of tears continuously. Flowing out of all the eyes of everyone, as a new devotees came in shocked to see the pitiful situation more tears flowed.

 

At some times Srila Prabhupada was seemly peacefully resting and at others again an attack of pain or extreme transcendental ecstasy engulfed His Divine Grace.

 

As I chanted and cryed prayed for Lord Krishna not to take Srila Prabhupada I also understood that such a great devotee as Srila Prabhupada upon entering Mahasamadhi was there, but already actually was with Krishna far from the pain His Divine Grace was showing us.

 

These were the symptoms of ecstasy ,as Srila Prabhupada was pulled far from His Lotus form but still remain within.

 

From Mongal aroti threw out the entire day we chanted and we all remained within the room almost the entire time .

 

Srila Prabhupadas younger sister Pusima was there at Srila Prabhupadas bed side through out the whole day.

 

Pusima was had with her a very small sliver pitcher with Yamuna water and She would place water threw Srila Prabhupadas Lotus lips into his mouth every few moments.

 

I became too upset after a few hours and did leave for a few moments and was requested to start the digging of the samadhi tomb by Gopal Krishna Maharaja as I have said before.

 

I then returned back. Yadurbara Prabhu and his good wife Vasaka devi were filming everything for almost the entire day they filmed Srila Prabhupada last pastime leela.

 

Later Yadubara told me ". I did not know if it was wrong or right to film but I just did it and no one stopped me so I continued.

 

"Years later in New Drawaka he told me"I have still all this film and I really don't know what to do with it? "I now have heard years ago he has released this film some portions but I have never wanted to see them I do not like to actually tell this part of the story but for some reasons maybe now I must place everything I can remember then in writing so I will continue.

 

At one point in the afternoon the Kaviraja told us Srila Prabhupada will leave His Lotus body near sundown Then as it was nearing sundown I left Srila Prabhupadas room with a mood of Srila Prabhupada will not leave us.

 

Almost as I exited the room near the guesthouse entrance Gopal Krishna Maharaja approached again.

 

"Someone has to go to Loy Bazar to purchase fresh silk cloth for Srila Prabhupada to be buried in! Loy Bazar will close soon there is no fresh cloth can you go?"

 

Yes I told him Srila Prabhupada isn't going to leave I will go.

 

"Good Abhinanda will also go with you he will get flowers and you get the cloth. "

 

I was to meet Abhinanda in front of Bankibihari Mondir after I got the cloth. I took a richshaw and rushed off to Loy Bazar and as I entered Loy Bazaar I saw Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja and I offered pranams from the rickshaw and said His Divine Graces name. "Babaji Maharaja"

 

Babaji Maharaja looked up at me and gave me the look like, your insane. And then rushed off into the darkness walking at a very quick pace to be with Srila Prabhupada.

 

I then after seeing Babaji Maharajas, look could understand that Babaji Maharaja may of been thinking "Srila Prabhupada is leaving and your going to shop! Going to lotter in Loy Bazaar. !!!"

 

What could I do I was on a important mission to get Srila Prabhupada fresh silken cloth even if Babaji Maharaja may of misunderstood why I had to come there. !

 

I found only one cloth shop still open at the far end of the bazaar to the left and I told the shopkeeper I need to purchase silk cloth for Srila Prabhupadas Samadhi.

 

But the shopkeeper kept showing me jute. Jute is a cheap cloth, artsilk not silk. Jute is very cheap not even as good as cotton jute is what rope is made from but it before washing can be made to appear just like silk.

 

"This is not silk it is jute! I want silk for Srila Prabhupada oh but this is silk, I understand". The price though is too cheap it can't be silk !Yes it is silk "the shop keeper told me"for Srila Prabhupada", so I told him"I will buy two"and my foolish idea that was if it wasn't silk I d come back to shop keeper.

 

After a few days when I understood that the cloth was certainly jute, I returned to the shop and complained to the shopkeeper , he denied he even sold me any cloth.

 

He must have not had any silk and what I brought was jute and because of this Srila Prabhupada was buried in this cloth, a very low class cloth.

 

Always my service to Srila Prabhupada has been like this, incomplete, hoced posed, cursed. Why is it like this? Lust and sinfulness I tear out worthless heart and throw it in the trash bin. !!!!!

 

The market was closing so I took another rickshaw to Bunkipihari Mondir and found Abhinanda there with a huge bundle of marigold flowers wider than both arms stretched out and then at that moment a mataji, a Vrindaban widow came from behind me and held on to my arm at the elbow and yanking it saying ,Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, she would not let go!

 

I didn't understand at the moment but this was the actual time Srila Prabhupada had left His Divine Form .

 

The mataji knew Srila Prabhupada had left and she grabbed my arm so tightly.

 

I was in Brahmacari dress, a women never touches one dressed in sanfron.

 

Upon returning to Krishna Balaram Mondir we saw the devotees carrying Srila Prabhupada on palanquin circumambulating the temple.

 

The crying was in torrents. The devotees were insane ,some were following the palanquin and Srila Narayana Maharaja was leading us but other devotees were rolling on the ground, some where bashing their heads against the walls outside of temple, all were wailing in grief.

 

I too was flooded in tears and could see that we somehow were as just beginning our spiritual lives but still somehow by the deep sorrow of Srila Prabhupadas departure could understand just a bit what the gopis must feel at loosing Krishna, as it was like that, we were all litterally mad, out of our minds, only Srila Narayana Maharaja stirred us in the right directions and we like dazed crazed lifeless weeping children followed him.

 

After Srila Prabhupada was carried around the temple Srila Prabhupadas Lotus body was brought within the open court yard of the temple and Srila Prabhupadas sister Pusima came and offered her last respects to her dear brother Srila Prabhupada, so sweet and touching she was towards her transendenal brother.. She spent a few moments touching Srila Prabhupada face and making some offering to His Divine Grace.

 

Srila Narayana Maharaja lead us in singing Saparsada-bhagavad-viraha-janitaivilapa je anilo prema-dhana And Then Srila Narayana Maharaja instructed us to place His Divine Grace up on His Vyas asana.

 

Srila Narayana Mahararaja then lead us all in Kirtan and We sang ,Sri Guru-vandana, Sri- Guru-caranana- Padma and aroti was offered to Srila Prabhupada.

 

When Srila Narayana Maharaja didn't lead the Kirtan Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja did and they were our only relief for that darkest of midnight's.

 

The Kirtans of these most wonderful devotees Srila Narayana Maharaja and Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja sang ,melted all our hearts.

 

Sometimes one reads of the kirtans of Mukunda das That Lord Chaitanya would be so pleased with and love to hear, Babaji Maharajas Kirtans I can only think must be like this, melting stone with His love for Krishna ,as His sang to Srila Prabhupada Krishna and to the devotees.

 

During a pause for a few moments during the night one devotee so overwhelmed by Babaji Maharaja s kirtan ,praised Babaji Maharaja.

 

"Oh Babaji Maharaja your kirtan is so beautiful.No ,no, no," He said like a shy child.

 

Srila Narayana Maharaja told us we will not leave Srila Prabhupada alone tonight and we will have kirtan all night and we did.

 

We all took turns fanning Srila Prabhupada in his palanquin on his Vasya asana. Bhaktisiddanta das Prabhu and myself each with camaras fanned Srila Prabhupada for hours. All night long the sublime kirtan went on.

 

Days afterwards Srila Krishna das Babaji and Srila Narayana Maharaja would continue to lead us in Kirtans.

 

Coming almost everyday for a few hours to Chant with the devotees.

 

Soon the Mongal Aroti time came and then as the sunrise we all prepared to take Srila Prabhupada on parikram to all the temple of the 6 Goswamis.

 

The residents of Vrindaban blissfully offered Srila Prabhupada garlands they were joyful in contrast to the morose faces of ours.

 

"Srila Prabhupada has Gone Back Home Back To Godhead they assured us, it is joyous, Glorious." But we could not be joyous.

 

Yes I understood but His Divine Grace has left us was my feeling I could only see doom no bliss.

 

At Radha Damoddara temple the head of the temple came with japa mala beads and garlands to place on Srila Prabhupada and I expressed"Oh, they are offering such cheap things to Srila Prabhupada". Rupanugas son, Raganath a young boy at the time chastised me.

 

"They are offerings how you can say this? "Foolishly making offences to the residence of Vrindavana not understanding their devotion and mood I was certainly offensive.

 

Srila Prabhupada Lotus Form became almost covered in Flowers, garlands japa malas and pieces of silk and pcs of colourful cloth as many many of the residents of Vrindaban came to offer their last respects to Srila Prabhupada ,the liberated Soul who had just left, eternally re-entering again into Shri Shri Radha Krishna Nitya Lilla.

 

Some days after Srila Prabhupadas Mahasadhmi one young man and resident of Vrindaban invited me to his home to meet his family.

 

His father had taken photographs of Srila Prabhupada then on the paladin in Loy Bazaar and said his father would like to offer me a copy of the photo.

 

The father of the boy was also an astrologer and he asked to look at my hand. What do you see? I asked but he would only say," the hand of one who has a strong Guru. "

 

I still have this photograph here with me today one of my real treasures after now almost 29 yrs old it is starting to crumble.

 

Later after hearing that there was a photo of Srila Prabhupada taken then as this gentleman had offered many copies to many devotees Bhagavan das ordered us to burn them or bury them. "We should never think of Srila Prabhupada like this he said. "

 

I just hid mine and never showed this photo to anyone. It is now within the pages of Srimad Bhagavatum.

 

Gradually the parikram returned to Krishna Balaram Mondir and at once Srila Prabhupada entombment began.

 

White marble slabs had been placed on the ground of the whole and to the right side of the tomb, Srila Prabhupada Palanquin was placed. Srila Prabhupada was undressed behind a cloth held around His Divine Grace and bathed in abiseksa ,in the most respectful way ,all being directed by Srila Narayana Maharaja in full view of all the devotees.

 

Bhavananda was holding Srila Prabhupadas Lotus shoulders all the time and another devotee was holding His Divine Graces Lotus Head. All the devotees were sitting a few yards in front of Srila Prabhupada.

 

After The Abiseksa of Srila Prabhupada another cloth was held and Srila Prabhupada was dressed in the fresh cloth,.

 

I hope to this day that His Divine Grace was not dressed in the cloth I brought but there was a great chance though he was.

 

Then the curtain cloth was brought down and there may have been aroti offered.

 

Srila Prabhupada was then lifted up and carried a few feet to the tomb all the time the devotees were holding Srila Prabhupadas Lotus head, and shoulders.

 

His Divine Graces body was soft and flexible and as he was placed into the tomb there was a point of may be one foot where His Divine Graces body was dropped to the devotee reaching up to take him and then like a puppet with its strings cut Srila Prabhupada body loosen and slipped into the hands of other devotee, disappearing into the Earth.

 

Gasley, this memory has been indelibly imprinted in my mind, my heart dropped, all our hearts dropped. There was a great moan of anxiety and all rushed up from our places and ran to the edge of the tomb to look in.

 

There was pushing from behind I was standing directly behind His Holiness Satsvarupa Maharaja next to him Jaya Adwaita Swami.

 

From behind I was being pushed and thus was pushing Satsvarupa Maharaja we all almost fell into the tomb on top of Srila Prabhupada and the devotees!

 

Some how everyone understood that there could be no pushing and the crowd remained calm.

 

Srila Prabhupada was placed into the center of the tomb still being held by different devotees. I remember Bkakti Caru Maharaja holding Srila Prabhupada and Srila Prabhupada was seated in a lotus pose.

 

At least 4 devotee were within the tomb and buckets of rock salt were handed down. This salt was then placed all around Srila Prabhupadas body filling the entire tomb, inch by inch the salt was placed and we all slowly watched as Srila Prabhupada was gradually covered up and over His Lotus waist, shoulders, neck and then completely covered by salt.

 

I watched every moment up until the last inch of His Divine Graces Lotus head disappeared under the salt.

 

More and more salt was placed and then finally the earth and then it was all over. It was hardly 11 am in the morning. Then almost all gradually left.

 

Srila Narayana Maharaja told us worship of Srila Prabhupada would then be carried on and arotis offered at his Sadhmi tomb at the same time arotis were going on in the temple a small wooden altar shingasana was placed over the tomb with Srila Prabhupadas picture on it. A purjari came after wards and aroti s and boga offerings began.(These offerings and arotis 6 times daily have continued without missing a single day sence Novermenber 15th 1977 by the devotion of the devotees of Shree Shree Krishna Balaram Mondir ,I offer them my most humble obeisances so indebted am I to the devotees.)

 

I remember just wanting to stay near the sadhmi and felt such an empty feeling that Srila Prabhupada had actually disappeared. It seemed impossible but I had just been a witiness.

 

I sat there on the temple steps a very long time with most if not all of the devotees going off to rest.

 

We had all been up well over 24hrs as I sat on the steps of Krishna Balaram temple lamenting my present and future my dear god brother Krandhar Prabhu arrived.

 

Dressed in blue jeans and long hair and I approached him paid my respects to him and told him. It is all over now and pointed to the small singhasana altar.

 

Krandahar at once went and shaved his head and put on devotee dress.

 

Jagadisa Prabhu disappeared from the temple no one knew where he had gone off? He was missing for many weeks I think.

 

Devotees started to flood in after a few days Tamal Krishna Maharja announced that there would be a parikram to Shri Goverdon Hill and that we would all go to fulfil Srila Prabhupadas last wish and take His Divine Graces in deity form on Goverdon Parikrum.

 

I remember His Holiness Tamal Krishna Maharaja saying "we will hold a nice festival and try to make it as nice as possible to relieve the devotees from their great grief. "It was a very nice parikram we all went together and brought Srila Prabhupadas murti with us, the ox cart was I think also brought and Srila Prabhupadas murti was taken on the ox cart.

 

Finally we all lastly went to Radha Kund Shyama Kund and Srila Prabhupadas murti was bathed in both places.

 

Then the rest of the day we all spent at the bathing gat of Bindusarova.

 

Achutananda Swami told of the times of first joining ISKCON in New York at Srila Prabhupadas first temple matchless gifts on 26th 2nd avenue in the NYC village and Tamal Krishna Maharaja lamented out loud of not being able to have been a part of those times with Srila Prabhupada.

 

The festival held in Srila Prabhupadas honour was to be in two weeks devotees flooded into Shri Krishna Balaram Mondir.

 

His Holiness Tusta Krishna Swami came to represent His Holiness Siddhasarupananda Maharaja of the Hari Bol devotees in Hawaii and all the GBC members and ISKCON leaders came finally.

 

All of Srila Prabhupadas godbrothers came to speak at this festival. Srila Prabhupada wanted that all the residents of Vridaban be invited for full feast at this festival.

 

Many very poor windows came and there was a bit of problem as they pushed and shoved to enter the Gurukula building. Bugaji the caretaker of the Krishna Balaram devotees and well wisher of all the temple devotees held them back. Finally though all took Krishna Balarams Prasada and the festival finished.

 

I beg you all for your help in spiritual life to help me remember His Divine Grace. To follow in His Divine Graces footsteps and not try to be His Divine Grace which is as much praktai sahaja as to aspire to be a gopi in Krishna lila without qualifications.

 

. We all comr to Srila Prabhupada as mice, I am a mouse, its a safe position even a mouse can represent His Divine Grace?

 

This is the guru parampara. The lower we go in humbleness the closer we are to Srila Prabhupada. . I wish you all the highest attainments of Love of Shri Shri Gour Nitai to be able to enter into their sankirtan party to chant the Holy Names Of Hare Krishna and Rama in thier assoication and actually taste love for Krishna.

 

from Pita das journal:

 

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