THE rather than A leader

[Guest guest]

Suggestion:

 

He visited Siddhanta Sarasvati two or three times more but subsequently

channeled his reformist fervor by taking a leadership role in the Indian

independence movement.

 

"Leadership role" is probably better than "leading role" as the person under

discussion wasn't a famous leader; he might have been a cell leader or

whatever.

 

> I don't find "as the" or "as a" quite clear. The phrasing and structure

> makes it sound as if it is the fervor rather than he who became a

> leader--or even further, that he is sort of convincing his fervor into

> taking the leading role.

>

> Maybe something like:

>

> "He came two or three times more to hear Siddhanta Sarasvati but

> subsequently channeled his reformist fervor when he took a leading role

> [became a leader] in the Indian independence movement."

>

> Or if you want to focus more on the channeling and fervor, end with

> those-- something like "He came two or three times more to hear Siddhanta

> Sarasvati but subsequently, as a leader of the Indian independence

> movement, was able to [found a way to] channel his reformist fervor.

>

> The comma after "Sarasvati" does help in showing the contrast, but if the

> focus is more on the subsequent channeling, it might not be needed in that

> sense. It is not required grammatically, and some readers/editors would

> question its use in this structure.

>

> Finally, and this is probably nit-picking even *more* unecessarily, and

> might lead to a prose that is less elegant, putting "more" right before

> "to hear" echoes the sense of "more to hear Siddhanta Sarasvati" [than to

> . . . ]. I realize that without a comma before it, the phrase cannot (or

> at least *should* not) be read like this, but "more to x than to y" is

> such a common expression that one might want to avoid joining the words

> when that is not the meaning, in order to keep the flow of reading without

> hesitation. It could also (again, less elegantly) be written, "He came two

> or three more times . . ."

>

> Please correct my misunderstanding of the rules and/or sentence's meaning,

> and please forgive my obsessive tendencies and especially my offenses.

 

Thankyou for kindly sharing your obsessive tendency with myself and my dear

editor Guru Krishna Prabhu. Both of us are obsessed with trying to make this

book fit to be a worshipful offering to Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati.

Even after much work we still go on finding many points in need of editing.

 

An important teaching of Srila Sarasvati Thakura is that the surrendered

soul cannot make any offense.

 

Hare Krishna.

 

hari-guru-vaisnava dasa, BVS