BBC: Encounter With An ISKCON Guru

[suchandra]

 

His humility was there as well, of course, but externally it was quite different.

 

There're surely lots of devotees presently upset because they "worked with" that deviation of someone posing as genuine spiritual master. And still one might try to say, one or two of them is good out of the pile, quality not quantity, one Moon is enough, etc etc. Sitting on Srila Prabhupada's seat being worshiped as Vishnupada. Problem so far: Vishnu is going to be very upset and so are His agents.

[Beggar]

Diary of a Traveling Preacher Volume 3 Chapter 33

By Indradyumna Swami

April 12-23, 2001

 

...Devotees require protection because this is the world of inimical souls. From Brahma down to the insignificant ant, everyone maintains a spirit of independence from the Lord. Therefore, preaching Krishna consciousness is never easy. Once after we came back from a harinama party in Paris, Srila Prabhupada called all of us into his room. He asked how the chanting in the streets had been that day. I told him of one lady who had come in front of the kirtan party and had purposefully put her fingers in her ears. Srila Prabhupada asked me what I did about it. I replied that I hadn't done anything. He smiled and said that I should have taken her fingers out of her ears and loudly chanted the holy names! When I mentioned that sankirtan that day was somewhat difficult, Srila Prabhupada leaned over his desk and said to me in a serious tone, "When did I ever say that preaching was easy?"

A preacher naturally has to face opposition. A devotee recently remarked to me, "If there is no opposition, that means there is no preaching. " To protect His devotees from opposition, Krishna appears as Lord Nrsimhadeva, the half-man, half-lion incarnation. In 1983 I was fortunate to receive the mercy of Lord Nrsimhadeva in yet another way.

I was at the Mayapur Festival when a devotee approached me saying that a Gaudiya sannyasi, Srila Bhakti Pramoda Puri Maharaja, felt he was going to pass away soon and wanted to give the Nrsimha mantra to a sannyasi before he left. He had inquired from that devotee if he knew any ISKCON sannyasi who would be willing to accept it. I told that devotee that I was definitely interested, and after getting permission from several GBC men I went to Maharaja's asrama, where I inquired about the nature of the mantra. Puri Maharaja told me that once Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur was experiencing opposition to his preaching in Bengal. One night Lord Nrsimhadeva appeared to him in a dream and gave him this special Nrsimha mantra. Years later Bhaktivinoda Thakur gave that same mantra to his son, Bimala Prasada, who later became Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati subsequently gave the mantra to ten of his most prominent sannyasis. By the time I met Puri Maharaja, he was the only sannyasi still living.

I begged him to give me the mantra, and after a small ceremony he whispered it into my right ear. When I inquired about the benefit of chanting it, he replied, "It will protect you from death itself!"

When I asked Puri Maharaja if I could ever give the mantra to someone else, he mildly chastised me by saying, "Yes, but don't think you are special!"

I chant the mantra daily, but have called upon it on only three occasions. In April 1996, just after the war in Bosnia was over, a large group of us were chanting on the streets of the capital, Sarajevo. The area was littered with the debris from recent bomb explosions and the people were still in a state of shock from years of fighting. In retrospect, it wasn't the proper time to go out singing and dancing. In addition to that, in our naiveté we chanted as we passed the city's largest mosque on a Friday afternoon, the Muslim day of worship. Almost immediately, an angry group of freshly returned servicemen burst out of the mosque and attacked us. As I saw the soldiers coming I calmly chanted the Nrsimha mantra, and though we fought hard and many devotees were hurt (three seriously with knives), I escaped injury.

A couple of years later, I was swimming in the ocean at Split in Croatia. Suddenly a huge storm manifest, instantly whipping the water into a fury of waves. As I was being swept out to sea by the strong current, I chanted the Nrsimha mantra. Slowly, but surely, I began to drift to the side of the current and was eventually able to swim back to the beach.

The third time I called on the mantra was two years ago, when our festival tour in Poland was attacked by skinheads one evening. Standing on a small ridge next to our festival site, they started throwing Molotov cocktails (crude incendiary devices consisting of a corked bottle filled with gasoline and a piece of rag serving as a wick that is ignited). As the bottles exploded around the ground, I again called upon the Nrsimha mantra and immediately the skinheads ran away. By the mercy of Lord Nrsimha no one was hurt and the damage to our festival paraphernalia was minimal.

etad vapus te bhagavan dhyayatah paramatmanah sarvato goptr santrasan mrtyor api jighamsatah

"My dear Lord, O Supreme Personality of Godhead, You are the Supreme Soul. If one meditates upon Your transcendental body, You naturally protect him from all sources of fear, even the imminent danger of death. " [sB 7. 10. 29]

"Purport: Everyone is sure to die, for no one is excused from the hands of death, which is but a feature of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. When one becomes a devotee, however, he is not destined to die according to a limited duration of life. . . . a devotee's lifetime can be extended by the mercy of the Supreme Lord, who is able to nullify the results of one's

karma. . . . even a devotee's scheduled death can be avoided by the causeless mercy of the Supreme Lord. "...

[Beggar]

September, 2002

My dear friends and disciples in ISKCON,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I'm sure some of you who saw me this summer, might have wondered why I had grown my hair out a little bit. One person even asked me about it the other day in England and I told him it was because of observing "chaturmasya" - the four months of the rainy season in India when sannyasis in the renounced order of life typically perform austerity, which sometimes includes not shaving.

Unfortunately, it is not actually the case with me.

And so it is with a heavy heart that I write this letter that I never thought would be written. After giving so many years of my life to the Hare Krishna Movement (more than 29), twenty of which have been as a sannyasi, I have reached an emotional and spiritual crossroads.

I have tried as sincerely as I could to give my mind, body and soul to the eternal service of my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, and also trying my best to help others in need. Yet, while working sincerely to help others, I regret that I neglected my own emotional and spiritual needs.

Although I never stopped chanting my rounds, over the last few years my rounds became “sloppy,” and although I worshipped Salagram and Govardhan Silas, gave many lectures, and traveled the globe, I could not shake the loneliness and emptiness of my silent world.

I felt unable to discuss my problems with anyone for fear of repercussions and the blight that someone in my position might encounter for having such problems. Regretfully, I also confess that seeking some kind of recourse and companionship, I was not always able to strictly follow the regulative principles, though I was not able to discuss this with anyone except one kind devotee who has been a true friend.

It might come as a surprise to some of you that someone like me, who was blessed to have so many truly good and descent friends in the Hare Krishna Movement, could feel so alone and isolated within himself, but that is exactly what I have felt over the years.

I joined ISKCON at the age of 20 after a brief and short failed marriage from the age of 18. Two years later, at the age of 22, I was put up for consideration to take sannyasa, which I eventually did accept at the age of 28. I was approved for accepting disciples at the age of 32 and accepted my first disciples at the age of 33.

Now, many years later, at the age of 49, I have reached a dead end in my ability to continue.

There are truly good friends and disciples out there that have loved me and dedicated their lives to assisting ISKCON under my guidance, and for them I have no proper words to say. It is not that I want to neglect you or abandon you. It is only that I am simply unable to continue living the external show of being the advanced devotee that I am not. I don't think that would be beneficial either to you or to me.

There are advanced devotees in ISKCON, and it is my duty to request those who have accepted guidance and shelter under me to take shelter of other senior devotees within ISKCON, and if in doubt to consult your local GBC representative. I bear no ill toward the GBC or ISKCON, and have not ever knowingly preached in such a way that would be considered inappropriate for a representative of ISKCON.

As my behavior and activities are no longer appropriate for someone in the renounced order of life or spiritual leader, I will no longer be able to maintain those posts of honor.

As for me, I still believe in Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. I still believe in the GBC system that Srila Prabhupada set up for ISKCON. However, I will be living a life of seclusion from ISKCON now and will sort out my personal emotional and spiritual needs independently.

I sadly release my disciples and aspiring disciples. I hope that you do not curse me out of anger and despair. However, it would be cruel and unfair if I were to falsely mislead you into believing that I am in some way qualified or capable to act as your true spiritual master. I am not.

The email addresses that most people know for reaching me will be discontinued shortly after sending this letter. I wish to be left alone for awhile.

One or two persons regularly send me donations. Vrindavan-lila and the Garrisons in New York regularly send me money. I am no longer qualified to receive these contributions.

In Vancouver, Canada, I have a lot of stuff in a corner room in which I lived for many years at the temple. These things include the bed, the dresser of drawers, the couch, the electric heater and the microwave oven. I give these to Madhumati devi dasi with the exception of the bed, which should remain as part of the room. In that room there are some white cabinets to the right as you enter the door from outside. Jaya Govinda Prabhu has the key to those cabinets. I have already removed the valuables from those cabinets that I wish to keep and have taken them away. The rest may be discarded or kept by whoever desires them. The air conditioner belongs to Janardana dasa but I think he will not come and remove it from the room.

At Bhaktivedanta Manor in England I have some cabinets in the sannyasa guestroom in the brahmacari ashram. Likewise, I have already gone through these cabinets and removed what I wish to keep. However, in the right hand cupboard there is a chest of drawers (where the blue network wire emerges from). Next to that you will find two microphone stands. These belong to the theatre department. I am leaving them the pop-screens attached to those stands, although I have taken the studio microphones which I purchased with my mother's money.

Inside my small room between room 4 and 5 in the brahmacari ashram, I have also removed the things I wish to keep. I suggest the microwave oven remain as part of that small room. Of particular interest, however, is that I left a stereo CD player in that room. I wish that this CD player be given to Dvaraka Puri and the theatre department. The rest of the items in the room may be dispersed or discarded, as I have already removed whatever I wish to keep.

ISKCON Long Island, in Freeport, NY, owes me $10,000 plus interest for a loan I gave them to help pay off the mortgage, as documented in the promissory note that we drew up at the time of the loan. Although I am no longer continuing with my roles in ISKCON, I would expect that this money be paid back as planned, as this was money I received from my mother.

I wish you all well, and I pray that although fallen, I may one day be forgiven for my offenses. Although I have about 40 initiated disciples, there are a few very close friends and disciples who I see or speak with regularly and who will always be close to my heart, and who may be affected even more than others. I wish to mention these people by name. Manik, Prema Lila, Madhumati, Bhakta Chris and Rasa Parayani, Vraja Vilasini, Citralekha and Mirabhai - will all be deeply affected by my departure. Others such as Panca Pandava, Ekacakranath, Amrta Keli, Devahotra, Taruna Krishna and his wife Gokula Taruni, Mayapur Lila, and Vrindavan Lila have all been close disciples in Canada, the USA, Australia and Great Britain. My apologies to all of you for my shortcomings.

Yours sincerely,

Vipramukhya dasa