Abused women question

recycledsoul · July 28, 2008

Why is it that women who are abused can not have a respectful disagreement? They get very uncomfortable and agressive, disrespectful. My mom for example is always ready to fight with me, and is not very nice to me. its not even nessicarily the things she says. she is a drug addict and i think no matter who it is she takes this bad energy out on anyone whos around. so i shouldnt take this part personally. but it seems like to talk with women about their problems who have been abused they get edgy and very defensive instead of listening. How to solve this?

bhaktajan · July 28, 2008

1) Your mother was probably younger than you are now when she was in the position to act like an adult.

2) The Book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus [a book about male-female communication]"--stated one important point to remember:

Women "talk-out aloud" their problem solving.

vs

Men "go to their caves to contemplate" and then return to announce their plan of action. [iMO these senarios occurs within both genders].

So let your Mom talk and talk and talk and talk.

Your job is to listen and take note as to what to interject so as to propell her into continuing to talk aloud.

3) Hug her, Hug her, Hug her at every opportunity.

4) Her body chemistry is acidic on the 'pH' scale.

She must drink fresh 'Juiced' vegetables ie: Carrots+Celery+Apples etc.

This will replace the Vitamins and minerals that have been leached out of her 'Blood-purifying-Organs (Liver, Kindneys, Lymph Glands, Pancreas)'.

Her irratibility can not be subsided until her body chemistry is not running in the red and thus deprived of anxiousness that she has lost. [it's not all about a mental state--it can also be physically-rooted problem].

5) For practical reasons your mum needs to 'be in control'--this is the guiding light to remind you to start your "active-listening" as I described above.

6) Thing to remember at her outbursts:

Try forgetting that she is your mum and simply treat her as you would any person that you'd 'be obligied' to hear out and respond. The 'personal' connection with her doesn't allow her to be objective [she'll slip into that mode if you let her speak at length] The 'personal' connection also, confounds your relation to the passifying of an outburst.

best regards & WELLWISHES,

Bhaktajan

recycledsoul · July 28, 2008

Thank you bhaktajan.

I had alot of problems communicating with my mom around the age 13-16. she is the type to get very stand offish and really jump at the oppurtunity to vent her toxicity anger on someone (transference of energy). That bad energy is looking for an outlet all the time and often with addicts it gets pushed on others who have done nothing. So i think that accepting whats shes saying and listening, instead of resisting is the 1st step. but it also gets to a point where it is hard for me to take the insultive, disrespectful energy she sends along with her poor , low vibration communication. I know the masters can handle this type of thing, how do they do it and remain unaffected? At the root i feel its like standing up for Love and no matter whats happening, keeping the vibration of compassionate love, even to those who are bringing bad vibrations. but this is easier said than done (in the "real world". in an ashram or retreat or center its easier because youre surronded by love, but out here its the oppisite. i guess i will try to be mindful in my ownself and keep the vibration of love within my own being.

im 22 now. and have been really into the yogic path for almost a year

thanks for the light

bhaktajan · July 28, 2008

I aware of the term "Energy Vampire" & "Crazy Makers" —both of whom drain other's energy by way of abuse in different manners.

Therefore, I feel compelled to make you aware of this woman Caroline Myss.

She directly addresses the loss of energy and how it may later manifest in the areas of one's physical/mental/emotional life —the loss is discernable as it is related to chakra-energy hubs and their corresponding functions.

Ie: the heart Chakra is related to issues of love etc and thus, heart ailments that manifest may very well be an extension of one's issues with Love.

Or, throat ailment may be related to the chakra at the throat which governs the ability to express oneself.

I am a bonefide and quite conservative Hare Krishna so, this advise about Myss's concepts are a bit New-age-like. But IMO, it's spot on and best of all Myss has no pretention. Her goals have been to make the connection between ailment and one's emotional life into a science that can be reliably repeated and seen by any novice as the basis of all psychosomatic ailments [considering that all physical ills start with a mind set that "enables" it].

———————————————————————————————————————————You must check out this woman's writting regarding how to preceive illness by seeing the relationship of the illness to a person's life-pursuits/chakra/personality/vocational architype.

I'm sure it will hit a chord with you --and that you would then be able to apply subsequent insights to the state of the world today.

Bhaktajan

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http://www.myss.com/

Below are reviews/synopsis of her books.

She has been around for just over 10 years.

Her first works are most essential--her later works seemed 'forced'.

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Why People Don't Heal and How They Can -- by Caroline Myss

Overcome the Hidden Barriers to Healing with America's Leading Medical Intuitive

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On this stunning audio edition of the national PBS special with Dr. Caroline Myss, this acclaimed authority on the energetics of healing dares to take listeners to a hidden realm of the human body, beyond Western myths about healing - yielding a hope-giving program for health unlike any other.

For over 15 years, Dr. Myss has worked face to face with the real experts on this controversial subject: thousands of people challenged by illensses that failed to respond to conventional treatment.

As a medical intuitive, Dr. Myss saw beyond their physical complaints - and indentified the greatest block to healing in our culture today. She shows that when we stop using illness as a way to gain power and intimacy with others, we stop wasting our sacred energy.

It then becomes available, not only for self-healing, but for spiritual fulfillment. Here is a bold new vision of healing, presented by Dr. Myss in her own words, that will electrify you with its unlimited possibilities for improved health and spiritual connection. Includes an exclusive interview with Dr. Myss available nowhere else.

.................................................. ..

Anatomy of the Spirit-- by Caroline Myss

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Encoded within your body, teaches Dr. Myss, is an energy system linking you directly to the world's great spiritual traditions. Through it you have direct access to the divine energy that seamlessly connects all life. On Anatomy of the Spirit, Dr. Myss offers a stunning picture of the human body's hidden energetic structures, while revealing its precise spiritual code and relationship to the sacred energy of creation. Our most revered wisdom traditions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Hinduism, hold in common essential teachings about seven specific levels of spiritual development, the stages of power in life.

These seven great truths also grace the human body as an energetic system, a spiritual compass pointing the way to the divine. By honoring this inborn code, you can learn to see the symbolic blocks within your energy centers and their correlations with your health, relationships, and spiritual development. Richly interwoven with research, examples, and self-diagnostic guidelines, Anatomy of the Spirit will take you to the heart of the spiritual life and beyond.

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After two New York Times bestsellers, several highly-rated appearances on The Oprah Show, and packed audiences at live events across the country, Caroline Myss has emerged as a leading new voice in the healing arts revolution. Her millions of loyal followers are waiting to hear what she has to teach them next. And now the wait is over. On Sacred Contracts, Dr. Myss helps listeners take the next step in their personal evolutions, through the use of archetypes as tools for self-transformation. First identified by the legendary psychiatrist and author C.G. Jung, archetypes are symbols for unconscious energies and potentials held in common by all of humanity. Dr. Myss identifies a “tool box” of 12 major archetypal patterns, and explains their roles in the “alchemy of spirituality.” Listeners join this respected medical intuitive as she explores how we can identify our personal archetypes, uncover their higher purpose, and then work with them for self-understanding and spiritual development. Shared with her hallmark humor, honesty, and intelligence, Sacred Contracts is the audio publishing event of the season – and a welcome new resource for fans of Dr. Myss everywhere. Original adaptation of the book by the author. 5 CDs, 6 hours, 32-page study guide

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<TABLE class=MsoNormalTable style="mso-cellspacing: 0in" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #d4d0c8; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Entering the Castle -- by Caroline Myss

Editorial Reviews

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From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Fans of Myss's earlier books (Sacred Contracts, etc.), which drew inspiration from such diverse traditions as Indian medicine and ancient divination methods, may be surprised at how thoroughly entrenched her new book is in the Western religious tradition. In the preface, she discusses how an out-of-the blue seizure and a midlife hunger for an authentic spiritual practice set her exploring the mystical tradition of her childhood Catholic faith. Using St. Teresa of Ávila's metaphor of the "interior castle" as a template, Myss challenges readers to get in touch with their own souls and shows how they can then lead deeper, more joyous lives. Every chapter is packed with meditations that help to either clean out the detritus that prevents spiritual growth or prepare for a mystical meeting with God. Interspersed are supportive stories of those who have gone before on the path. While Myss explicitly states that readers need not become Catholic or even Christian to enter the castle, some may be turned off by how little she incorporates other traditions. Even so, the material clearly springs from a deeply personal place and every page rings with the passion and intensity of someone who has finally found what she was seeking. (Mar. 6)

Review

"Entering the Castle is...based on St. Teresa's seven interior mansions, which are explained and elaborated here...so beautifully, clearly, compassionately, lightheartedly, wondrously...[as] seven steps...to your own deepest self or soul. Teresa became not only a spiritual woman who had written a brilliant practice manual, but a saint who saved Caroline's life, showed her her soul, awakened her heart, and set her on the never-ending...timelessly fulfilled road of practice. I just know that Teresa would say 'amen' to this luminous book as the fruit of her calling to you, a calling to all of us to be mystics without monasteries in a world sorely in need of a touch of the divine...the true self in each and every one of us."

-- From the foreword by Ken Wilber, author of A Brief History of Everything and Integral Spirituality

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I strongly suggest you start with her the first of her presentational works:

"Why people don't heal, and how they can"--get it in audio form [it's originally an audio lecture]!

She retired from during "readings"--and moved to publically explaining how to do it yourself [easier said than done] --post retirement found her self-accessing her talent,

so she found that it was not instinct but subtle logic that she used to ascertain the source of a person ailments

[think Kavirajas; think Taoist & Chi Acupunture based doctors] --She relates her biography and how later she found the principles of what she saw as signs of illness as manifestation of ones energy ie:

Chakras relate to Jewish Tree of Life relates to Christain Sacraments relates to Occupational/Societal Architypes ~ and then she innocently articulates the cross-references between these traditions so as to "locate where a person expends & invests theirown energies" ergo, manifest illness.

Like a Kaviraj, such a doctor assesses the multi-factors of subtle movement of energy--Myss says that the path that the 'energy/ambitions/motivating factors' are easily descernable in peoples' mundane 'person, relationships, vocations & esp. Ailments'.

Get:

"Why people don't heal, and how they can"--get it in audio form--it's originally an audio lecture!

Later works where her attempts to flesh out in academic form what she all ready explained in

"Why people don't heal, and how they can" followed by the companion Book "Anatomy of the Soul"

recycledsoul · July 28, 2008

well i think krshna would be happy with your compassion

RadheyRadhey108 · July 28, 2008

Why is it that women who are abused can not have a respectful disagreement? They get very uncomfortable and agressive, disrespectful. My mom for example is always ready to fight with me, and is not very nice to me. its not even nessicarily the things she says. she is a drug addict and i think no matter who it is she takes this bad energy out on anyone whos around. so i shouldnt take this part personally. but it seems like to talk with women about their problems who have been abused they get edgy and very defensive instead of listening. How to solve this?

Did you ever think that it's because they've had to act that way in order to survive? Maybe you could try to be empathetic to her situation, and, if she is drug-addicted, do an intervention and get her in rehab and counseling?

bija · July 31, 2008

I know the masters can handle this type of thing, how do they do it and remain unaffected? by recycledsoul

Sometimes recycledsoul, the reactions from the addictions and abusive behaviours, pass from generation to generation in families. My grandmother was a major alcoholic, and dysfunction passed onto her children. Addictions have passed on through the generations too. And the afflicted seem often, to seek partners with problems.

I asked my Gurumaharaja onetime how to be free of these family afflictions, the abuse, fighting, and blame games. His response was 'detachment'. Srila Prabhupada in his Gita commentary says we must show all respect to family and elders etc, but, if the environment is not conducive to our spiritual development we must be detached in some way.

This does not mean to reject family. As we have so much to be grateful for, even if we can't see that presently. One thing we will learn in due course, is that these tests will deepen us. But sometimes, we must make our own life course - it may be necessary.

Here is what I would suggest (I am trying to implement this in my life). What we do not want to do is deepen offences to others in the family. Because of our attachment to family, we may keep trying and trying, to help them...but it seems to be the more we try....the more reactions deepen. Elder family members will rarely listen to their children, about the correct principles of living. And, the more we try to teach them, the more they will react. Hence more offences and pain accumulates in our lives and their lives.

It is pointless trying to direct those, who wish not to be directed. God will care for them and guide them in good time, in their heart (birth after birth).

What I would do, is distance somewhat...decrease attachment. Allow your mum to live her life...and when you do see her...relish her for what she is. And make the most of the opportunity when you are with her. Silence is a great teacher, separation makes the heart grow fonder. Develop detachment!

We need to have faith in God to achieve this detachment in our own lives....it is not easy. We need to have faith in God that he will take charge of our mothers or fathers healing...we need to allow God to do the work in their hearts. The more we strive to heal our suffering parent, the more the conflict and offences can increase...deepening the suffering for all involved.

After much prayer and contemplation...these things are what the Lord in my heart told me to do.

Now, if we have had abusive parents, chances are we are also going to be carrying some pain, and will need healing. This is the spiritual call...the inner work we need to do to find peace and happiness.

Here is a book that is helping me heal (and understand)...leaps and bounds. We need to do our own inner work to find peace. This book also has a chapter on the 12 Step Program, and a very broad perspective on yoga and spiritual life...it is straight to the point too.

http://www.oidatherapy.org/download.htm#oida_manual

your servant....bija