I feel like killing myself

[probablyankita]

I am a girl and I am suffering from problems in every part of my life.

My brother died from a terrible disease at the age of 16. My mother and father are both suffering from serious health issues, both physical and mental.

I am all alone. No relation with any of our relatives.

I am not able to continue my education, even though I want to study more.

My career is not stable. I have changed 5 jobs in the last 2 years. and i am still not able to find a job where I will be happy.I have had to face a lot of humiliation and insult in my life.

I am constantly falling sick for the last 2-3 years. My body has become very weak.

I have got cheated by everyone whom I trusted as true friends and even by my relatives. I even got dragged into a fraud court case once.

Also, I am constantly having problems with my fiance. Our marriage is getting delayed for the last 6 years. I have already had one abortion without marriage. I am scared whether our marriage will happen or not?

I really don't like anything anymore. I am not able to control my anger and frustration and I have already tried to commit suicide twice before. I even fractured my hand once by banging it on the wall in anger. I have also been beating my parents in frustration. I don't know where my life is headed. I constantly feel like killing myself.

Please tell me, is something wrong in my kundali? Will my marriage happen or not? Will I be able to study further and will I have a stable career? Will my parents become normal again?

My birth time is 9:05 am, birthdate is 25th july 1984 and the place of birth is Mumbai.I have attached a chart generated online.

[hindustani]

Life is difficult and that one cannot rule out,not for you but for most of us,those who born in this world come with some motto hence find your motto first,I know its easy to say but very very hard to live such life but women are stronger than males mentally.So keep faith in God,one day he will look at you,try to see some other faces in society who are having worst time than you and this will help you to breath easily.God has given you working hands so you can type,he has given you 2 eyes which can see this wonderful world,you can sing and dance etc..stop negative thinking and try to focus,find your goals first,once you find your goal in this life,life will be easier for you.

I shall pray for you,keep faith in God and leave all worries in side if possible.some experts will surely guide you here,I wish all the best to your future life.

[ImperatrixMundi]

Dear ProbablyAnkita,

 

Could you please e-mail me: imperatrixmundi@aol.com?

 

 

Christal

[probablyankita]

Christal,

what information do u want me to email you?

[ImperatrixMundi]

Hi Probablyankita,

 

Just your e-mail address. I would like to communicate with you outside of the forum.

 

Sincerely,

 

Christal

[astro_tech]

Things are likely to start improving from Sept 2008 onwards and you may experience start of a new era in your life. Period from mid Oct 2010 to April 2013 is very likely to bless you with reasonable resources and good health.

Offer prayers to Goddess Durga.

Offer water to Tulsi Plant daily except on Sundays.

Donate 11 Tulsi Plant at various religious places on Wednesday - one time.

[deepa.bhandari]

Dear Ankita,

 

I must reassure you of astro_techji's correct advise and especially remedies. Pls do them with great faith and for your peace. Its really a relief to see things will be improving.

 

Be Blessed

 

Deepa

[Bhaaskaran]

Dear Probablyankita,

I can see Rahu Dasa has been without mercy in delivering blow after blow from 1990 till 2008.

From 30/4/2008 till 6/2/2024, Jupiter Dasa will be running. In this dasa, your effort will be awarded.

You will get married soon, but not with the same person you are taking about but somebody else, who will be from spiritual background. The encounter might be around 10/12/2008 till 28/3/2009.

 

The remedy is to empower the Jupiter as the 5<SUP>th</SUP> lord and being debilitated and because you are having low Jupiter energy resulting in lack of joy, lack of enthusiasm, weak will and lack of faith. Apart from that, you are having pessimism, depression, anxiety, melancholy, moodiness and having relationship problem.

Yellow Sapphire:

Worn on the index finger of right hand and at least 2 carat, set in gold. Substitutes are a yellow topaz, citrine (at least 5 carats and used as a pendant).

Should be put on first on a thursday and chant “Om Brahm Brihaspatiye Namaha” before wearing.

** You can chant this mantra any time and any number as you like after that to empower the “Jupiter”.

Strong Saturn in chart can induce all those mentioned symptoms for weak Jupiter. That is why we have to undertake some remedy to reduce its potent.

To reduce the power of Saturn, which is exalted in the 3rd house and with the yogakaraka Mars, undertake this remedy:

Do chant “OM SHAM SHANAISHCHARAYA NAMAHA ” 108 times, 2 times per day with utmost belief and submission to Lord Saturn. You should visit Karumariamman or Ambal or Durga temple every Saturday to circumambulate Lord Saturn with sesame oil offering and chanting the mantra above while circumambulating. Do fast on Saturdays and if possible make some donations on Saturdays.

The proof is in the pudding. Undertake all remedies with deep and ever lasting faith.

There is no magic, only sheer utmost submission to almighty for blessing.

Best of luck,

[srikanthdk71]

 

Do chant “OM SHAM SHANAISWARAYA NAMAHA”

 

Bhaskaranji, is it not 'OM SHAM SHANAISCHARAYA NAMAHA'? Cheers.

 

Sri

[probablyankita]

Bhaskaran,

 

You are correct about having blow after blow from 1990 till now. and also about the depression, low enegy and all. but why are u saying I will not get married with the same person? I will surely kill myself if after so many years of dedication to one man and even having an abortion, I will have to marry someone else. Better than that I will never marry in all my life. There is no way I can surrender to any other man. Please tell why do u feel I will not get married to my fiance? I really cannot take such a blow from life. is there any remedy for this?

 

One peice of information I missed out before is that my fiance is not the first man in my life. I had a relationship before this but that man died few years back.

 

Also, I am a big devotee of Shivji and Durga Ma. I feel that if i am alive today, inspite of all my problems, it is only because of thier blessings. They always save me. I do fast on mondays and I do fast on both navratris. but nothing on saturday. I will try to start it now. In fact Mataji keeps assuring me in several ways that I will definitely get married to my fiance only.

[probablyankita]

AstroTech, as above I mentioned, I have great faith in Durga Ma and I do offer water to tulsi every day. I don't udnerstand why not to do it on sunday? About donating 11 tulsi plants, I will surely do it. Will it be good to do on ekadashi?

 

Pleas guide me with the following also:

1) I fast on Monday and offer bel patra and milk to shivji. Should I stop this?

2) Karumariamman or Ambal - what are these?

3) Since last few months, I am getting dreams of snakes hissing poison from their fangs and looking angrily at me with big scary eyes. Can anyone tell me what must be the reason for this? Is this some kind of warning?

4) Should I worship Durga Ma daily?

5) I want to change my field to Animation & Graphics. Will I have any success in it?

6) What should I do for my parents to become normal again and their health issues to be resolved?

7) how do I stop myself from torturing my parents?

8) I have white marks on my nails for more than 15 years now. I have found that every time my problems increase these marks also increase and they decrease when my problems decrease. I have tried all medication and supplements but they don't go away.

[probablyankita]

My heartiest thanks to everyone who has showed the interest to help a stranger.

[Bhaaskaran]

Dear Srikanth,

 

Thanks for your timely correction.

 

I have edited the mantra. I think, I have made the same type of mistakes in other lineage. I am sorry for the"Topography error".

 

Regards,

[probablyankita]

Bhaskaran & AstroTech,

 

Please answer my above queries as I am quite restless worrying after these things, especially the part mentioned by Bhaskaran about my marriage.

 

Also, I have visited a well known astrologer in Mumbai and he suggested that a kumbh vivah should be done for me before my actual marriage to get rid of the obstacles and also for my marital wellbeing. Is this related to what Bhaskaran was also saying about my marriage.

 

And he also said that the only thing wrong in my life is my anger, which if not controlled, will ruin my life even after marriage? He also told me to continue working after marriage so as to maintain peace between me and my husband and in laws. What do I do?

 

He also said that the snakes coming in my dreams are not because of any astrological problems but only because of the depression I am facing due to the delay in my marriage. He also suggested a navgrah shanti puja. Your comments would be of great help.

[Bhaaskaran]

Dear Probablyankita,

In Hindu tradition, in order to offset the evil influence of manglik dosh, a woman should marry a peepal or banana tree before she ties the knot with her fiancé or she could even marry a clay urn which should be broken soon after the nuptial ceremonies, signifying that the bride has become a widow and the manglik dosh problem has been done away with. This is called Kumbh Vivah.

Anyhow, as both of you not having Manglik Dosha, you do not have to undertake this remedy.

Let us move forward:

Here is some of the well known Pooja/Homam for happy married life.

Ganapathy puja or Homam - to eradicate all difficulties

Navagraha Homam - remove the navagrah dosha

Nakshatra Shanti Homam - Performing a nakshatra shanti homam improves the all

round effects and removes whatever doshas are present

Rajagopalam Puja - for early settlement of marriage, without delay or obstructions.

Swayamvara Parvathy Homam - For happy married life and nullify delays in marriage

Uma Maheshwari puja - for long and happy married life

** Contact your local priest to perform the most suitable and affordable pooja/homam from the above list or all of them.

God bless all of us,

Bhaaskaran

[probablyankita]

Bhaskaran,

Thanks for all the advice. Do you still feel I will not get married to my fiance but to someone else?

also please help me with the following:

1) I want to change my field to Animation & Graphics. Will I have any success in it?

2) Will I be able to work after marriage? My fiance is against it right now.

3) how do I control my anger?

4) I have white marks on my nails for more than 15 years now. I have found that every time my problems increase these marks also increase and they decrease when my problems decrease. I have tried all medication and supplements but they don't go away.

5) What should I do for my parents to become normal again and their health issues to be resolved?

6) what do I do to continue my higher education, with or without marriage? I want to do MBA.

 

Please answer these queries for me.

[sasisekaran_pti]

om gurubhyo namah

 

namaste

 

dear probablyankita

 

your atma karaka is mars, which is along with saturn in the

third house. atmakaraka is the planet linked to your soul.

it brings in anger, adamancy, extra energy, hyper activity,

sudden actions etc. its association with saturn makes it

worse. the third house shows the drive , efforts , kama,

coborns etc.

 

the bad combo is affecting you in more than one way since

mars- the atma karaka is part of it. unless you learn to calm

down totally, the atmakarka would teach you lessons in life.

ekadasi vrata is a must. fast from sunrise to sunset and donate

a food packet to a needy on that day with lot of love and

affection.

 

start loving your parents. you are the only one support to them.

how can you treat them so badly ? anger is the one which finds

its way to vent out the unfulfilled desires in life. it stems from

the atma karka and hence it is dangerous.

 

if you can remember exact days of your earlier attempts of hurting

yourself and recent days of beating your parents, we can relate

it to the daily movement of moon with respect to your birth moon.

 

changing over to animation is defintely possible atleast after sep 2009.

 

white marks could be due to the mental status affecting the health.

do pranayama and yogi exercises for general mental calmness.

diverting your mind to these things will keep you away from such problems.

 

if your behaviour contains anger, dont you feel your partner could move

away from you ?

 

may mother bless all

 

regards

 

sasisekaran

[Ayush]

Dear probablyankita,

 

Sasisekaran Ji is one of the best astrologers on the forum and you should take his advise seriously.

 

It was sad going through your post, but you should always remember, nothing can help you unless you won't try to help yourself. Anger depression irritation everything comes by itself and before you know what harm its doing, it take away everything from you.

 

You have Rahu and Moon together in 10th house Taurus. Even I have the same combination in my 9th house Taurus. Undoubtly this combination gives rise to confusion, severe depression, thoughts to suicide and many more. Unfortunately currently I'm undergoing the mentioned dasa and can understand what you must have felt. But the good news for you is that Rahu MD will be over by the next month and you will see a remarkable change in your life.

 

Don't give up, you have a wonderful life to live. If you find your depression uncontrollable you should consult a professional.

 

Hope you found my words helpful.

 

wbr

Ayush

[probablyankita]

thank u everyone. i don't have words to say how obliged I am feeling rite now. it has not happened much in my life that so many people have tried to help me.

Ayush, I am really trying hard to help myself out of this state of mind filled with depression, hopelessness and anger. I keep myself busy from the time I wake up at 7 to the time I sleep around 12. I have taken up classes for sewing, embroidery, jewelery making etc to keep myself busy on weekends and to keep my mind away from disturbing thoughts. I must say it has worked to some extent but not completely. I still get mad with rage when I feel angry and before I am able to cotrol myself, I end up causing some serious harm. But still when i go to bed, i am back in the same state of mind.

 

Sasisekaran, all that u said about anger, adamancy, extra energy, hyper activity, and about life teaching me lessons, it is all true. I can see myself in those words.

 

It is not that i don't love my parents. If I am not killing myself even after losing everything, it is only because of my parents. When i see their faces and the love in their eyes, I somehow get the strength to go on. Otherwise, after having killed my own baby, i don't think i have any right to life myself. My parents are the reason that I am still trying to get myself up again but I don't know what happens to me when i am angry. Mom says I have been like this since I was a child. She says I become a different person when the anger overtakes my mind. pls tell me if there are any ways to control this. I know I will spoil everything left in my life with my own hands, only because of this anger.

 

About the dates, I don't remember all of them, but the first time I tried to kill myself was on 10th or 11th feb 2006 just 10 days after my abortion, which was on 31st jan 2006. i ate poison and my family admitted me after 2 days. The poison had spread completely in my blood but for some reason i didn't die. doctors could not remove the poison completely and i ended up being sick with severe jaundice in my blood and my stomach for 2 months in which time it happened twice that i got very serious and doctors said, I may die. I got cured only after one pundit gave me kumkum from mataji's temple after doing something to bless me.

Last year, some time in november, I had hit my father badly and as I hit him, I banged my hand and immediately it got fractured, even though the blow was not too strong. apart from that, I can't remember any other dates.

 

I am going to start the shani puja as mentioned by Bhaskaran from tomorrow and also the ekadasi vrata. And i will also donate 11 Tulsi Plant at religious places on this Wednesday. i will definitely try the other suggestions including the navgrah homa, kumbh vivah and the yellow sapphire but for that I need to consult with my family and my fiance also, so it will take some time.

 

But how will I do both monday and saturday fast? Any guidance with my parents' health? and also about my higher education?

[probablyankita]

also, pls tell me if there are others also who feel my marriage will not happen to the same person?

[kamakhya]

Dear Ankita:

 

This human incarnation is a rare gift -- don't squander it. I haven't looked at your horoscope, but since Mars is your atmakaraka, please pray to Hanumanji with all your faith. He never fails any devotee. Even if Mars is not a person's atmakaraka, surrender to Hanumanji results in a return of faith: in the almighty, in one's self, and the power of beauty, love and hope in this incarnation. I would advise you to bathe and read the Hanuman Chalisa three times daily. It takes very little time. Watch the miracle unfold. It will, very soon.

 

May God bless you.

 

JAI MA DURGA!

 

Kamakhya

[ppena]

 

I am a girl and I am suffering from problems in every part of my life.

My brother died from a terrible disease at the age of 16. My mother and father are both suffering from serious health issues, both physical and mental.

I am all alone. No relation with any of our relatives.

I am not able to continue my education, even though I want to study more.

My career is not stable. I have changed 5 jobs in the last 2 years. and i am still not able to find a job where I will be happy.I have had to face a lot of humiliation and insult in my life.

I am constantly falling sick for the last 2-3 years. My body has become very weak.

I have got cheated by everyone whom I trusted as true friends and even by my relatives. I even got dragged into a fraud court case once.

Also, I am constantly having problems with my fiance. Our marriage is getting delayed for the last 6 years. I have already had one abortion without marriage. I am scared whether our marriage will happen or not?

I really don't like anything anymore. I am not able to control my anger and frustration and I have already tried to commit suicide twice before. I even fractured my hand once by banging it on the wall in anger. I have also been beating my parents in frustration. I don't know where my life is headed. I constantly feel like killing myself.

Please tell me, is something wrong in my kundali? Will my marriage happen or not? Will I be able to study further and will I have a stable career? Will my parents become normal again?

My birth time is 9:05 am, birthdate is 25th july 1984 and the place of birth is Mumbai.I have attached a chart generated online.

 

You are coming through a difficult Rahu cycle.

 

The most important planet to address in your chart is the Sun. Sun is lord of the Ascendant in the inauspicious 12th house and aspected by Saturn and Ketu !

 

This makes you feel contracted and fearful. While other astrologers have mentioned Jupiter and that is not bad advice, in my opinion it is Saturn's affect on the 2 most auspicious planets for Leo, Sun & Mars that is the real source of the problem.

 

Try to do Surya Namaskar everyday and definitely get a ruby! It should be clear and flawless. If you can't afford, get a nice red garnet stone. Make a special puja or prayer on Sundays worshipping Lord Narayana always.

 

Also, Red coral brings luck and blessings as well.

 

You will enter Jupiter MD in just a week or so! You will experience a definite change then.

 

Best of luck,

 

Pablo

[probablyankita]

hello everyone, i just realised i don't have any shani temple anywhere in my area. how do i do the circumambulating? also, can i circumambulate hanumanji instead, coz i have heard praying to hanumanji is a good way of reduing the effects of shani. pls guide me?

[probablyankita]

thanks pablo, but i do surya namaskar everyday. though i don't really know if i do it the right way or not. can u guide me with that? all i do is offer jal to surya narayan and take his different names like om suryay namah etc...... i had tried wearing a ruby once but i don't know whether it was faulty or what, but it immediately gave me more bad results. that was back in 2002/2003.

[Coolgimmy]

Dear Mr.Bhaskaran,

 

In the above replies, you have mentioned the Jupiter in the above chart being debiliated in the 5th house. I flashed her chart and it shows jupiter in sagitarrius in the 5th house and exalted jupiter in Navamsha. Why does she need to empower her jupiter with such good placements?

 

Regards/

 

Coolgimmy