Amlesh Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Can anyone tell me the Qualities of a Good Wife according to shastras. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kshama Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Respected Amlesh Ji, I do not have answers to your question. But I do feel the need to say something. I do feel if the husband is good enough the wife too will be good. Every human has flaws...be it man or woman, so the couple has to work on perfecting the flaws. Namaste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sant Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I do feel if the husband is good enough the wife too will be good. Every humans has flaws...be it man or woman, so the couple has to work on perfecting the flaws. Namaste Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OmHari Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Can anyone tell me the Qualities of a Good Wife according to shastras. Thanks. A wife is "Ardhangini", other "half"part of her husband, so husband should not think himself to be different from her, neither wife should consider herself to be different from husband. Both are EQUAL part of each other spiritually. SO their qualities should reflect each others. They as ONE, are UNIT of society so they should act responsibly with their duties. In our vedic culture more importance is give to woman not as wife or woman but as MOTHER, Janani, the one who can bring life with her. So she is to be respected in society,and that society where she is respected as Mother, will progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Thanks a lot.. By summing up the different posts.. I think I can formulate an answer to it. I guess, while remedy-ing the husband qualities... the rest takes shape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smaranam Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 From Shrimad Bhagvat Purana : SB 7.11.25 , 26 To render service to the husband, to be always favorably disposed toward the husband, to be equally well disposed toward the husband's relatives and friends, and to follow the vows of the husband--these are the four principles to be followed by women described as chaste. SB 9.3.10 Cyavana Muni was very irritable, but since Sukanya had gotten him as her husband, she dealt with him carefully, according to his mood. Knowing his mind, she performed service to him without being bewildered. However, as described above, this is only half the equation. There is only so much an Ardhangini can do from her side. Her other half has to abide by the niti norms too. The ideal best is when both are devoted to God and trying their best to please Him. Bhagvat Canto 7 Chapter 11 is about Varnashram Dharma and how it leads to Nishkaam Karma. Jai Sri Krshna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melvin Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Ideally, a good wife, should acquire 25 or less qualities Srimati Radharani possessed to control her husband. But if she has no will to obtain them, a good wife must learn to tolerate her husband`s indiscretion. Even if she knows her husband`s playing with fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OmHari Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Ideally, a good wife, should acquire 25 or less qualities Srimati Radharani possessed to control her husband. But if she has no will to obtain them, a good wife must learn to tolerate her husband`s indiscretion. Even if she knows her husband`s playing with fire. I dont know how Srimati Radharani was able to control, but as a devotee she was always absorbed in serving the Lord. Also I dont know about the husbands of Gopis , as all of them were married, how it would have been then. In this mundane world, its better to be tolerant than be controlling. Better to serve than be served.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 With time... It will be hard to find such ladies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kshama Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Respected members, As said by Amlesh Ji, it is indeed hard to find fine ladies but in my opinion, it is extremely hard to find a good man nowadays too. People seldom ask themselves whether do they really deserve a good wife or husband as they think, it is their prerogative to choose an ideal spouse,without even seeing the enormous flaws they have in themselves. Marriage should be entered with utmost sincerity and after given utmost thought so that each of the individual fit to perform duties as a wedded couple. If one of them seem unfit, it justs adds up the bad image of marriage has, in this modern time. Namaste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melvin Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Boy meets girl. They fell in love. Both wants to get married. They bear fruits, children. They are fed and educated until they become responsible citizens. The children leave home. Now, husband and wife are back to where they were before. This is typical of a married life. If the wife didn`t possess good qualities of being a mother, the children are left behind to fend for themselves dependent on the father who decided to work abroad. While the wife is with her lover, the husband probably is living in one roof with another wife. What really is a good wife? She serves unconditionally her husband and the children under her care. She does everyting to please them but firm and brave to discipline anyone in the family least they go astray. She`s not extravagant but thrifty. She`s a good cook. She knows how to budget the family`s expenditures. She`s the homely type and does not often go out with friends to enjoy the illusory things in life. If there`s a wife and mother who fits the above criteria, she`s no other than Mother Yasoda. I wonder how Krsna and Nanda Maharaj behaved later in life if Putana became Krsna`s step mother and Nanda Maharaj`s second wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaisersose Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 With time... It will be hard to find such ladies. You know it is 2009 now and these books were written a long ago. Just like we dress differently from people of those times, wear our hair differently, eat differently and live a completely different lifestyle, it is also natural to not want to replicate the role of women from a bygone era. A better question would be, what are the qualities one can look for in a spouse, in our times? "Serving the husband" is not relevant to our times, when women can and do have their own careers, match upto men in all areas and are no longer playing second fiddle. The master-slave model has given way to a peer model. Some people (bigots?) may argue in favor of the older model, but we would obviously be better off analyzing the current model than wasting time brooding over an obsolete model. Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melvin Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 You know it is 2009 now and these books were written a long ago. Just like we dress differently from people of those times, wear our hair differently, eat differently and live a completely different lifestyle, it is also natural to not want to replicate the role of women from a bygone era. A better question would be, what are the qualities one can look for in a spouse, in our times? "Serving the husband" is not relevant to our times, when women can and do have their own careers, match upto men in all areas and are no longer playing second fiddle. The master-slave model has given way to a peer model. Some people (bigots?) may argue in favor of the older model, but we would obviously be better off analyzing the current model than wasting time brooding over an obsolete model. Cheers In this modern times, women wants to act like men and men acting like women( a reversal of roles). If a survey were done, perhaps there are more women wearing pants than men in every part of the globe. The title of this thread should have been: The Qualities of a Good Husband not Wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Respected members, As said by Amlesh Ji, it is indeed hard to find fine ladies but in my opinion, it is extremely hard to find a good man nowadays too. People seldom ask themselves whether do they really deserve a good wife or husband as they think, it is their prerogative to choose an ideal spouse,without even seeing the enormous flaws they have in themselves. Marriage should be entered with utmost sincerity and after given utmost thought so that each of the individual fit to perform duties as a wedded couple. If one of them seem unfit, it justs adds up the bad image of marriage has, in this modern time. Namaste. True.. but I still believe the need of such great ladies is much more important for the society as a whole. They are the linchpin for a sane society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 In this modern times, women wants to act like men and men acting like women( a reversal of roles). If a survey were done, perhaps there are more women wearing pants than men in every part of the globe. The title of this thread should have been: The Qualities of a Good Husband not Wife. lolz.. a good one hahahaha.. It makes me remember, when my friend introduced me to his wife.. by saying.. "Here is my husband". Yeps.. you are right melvin.. the reversal of role has created a serious disequilibrium in the natural functioning of the SACRED PAIR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 You know it is 2009 now and these books were written a long ago. Just like we dress differently from people of those times, wear our hair differently, eat differently and live a completely different lifestyle, it is also natural to not want to replicate the role of women from a bygone era. A better question would be, what are the qualities one can look for in a spouse, in our times? "Serving the husband" is not relevant to our times, when women can and do have their own careers, match upto men in all areas and are no longer playing second fiddle. The master-slave model has given way to a peer model. Some people (bigots?) may argue in favor of the older model, but we would obviously be better off analyzing the current model than wasting time brooding over an obsolete model. Cheers Yeah right, when I think the Kids of this Era won't be having the warmth of their mom... and also... no difference in calling a dad, dad and mom, mom. Since they share equal this and that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canyenero Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Personally I think the qualaty of a good wife is someone who excepts you for who you are. Even if you have got a chronic illness, or have not got a fancy car or job. Basically she should love you, and you should love her. The biggest thing understand each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Personally I think the qualaty of a good wife is someone who excepts you for who you are. Even if you have got a chronic illness, or have not got a fancy car or job. Basically she should love you, and you should love her. The biggest thing understand each other. The rural areas of India is the place where such ladies still exist. Of course, there are exceptions there and not there also:rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raghu Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 You know it is 2009 now and these books were written a long ago. Just like we dress differently from people of those times, wear our hair differently, eat differently and live a completely different lifestyle, it is also natural to not want to replicate the role of women from a bygone era. A better question would be, what are the qualities one can look for in a spouse, in our times? "Serving the husband" is not relevant to our times, when women can and do have their own careers, match upto men in all areas and are no longer playing second fiddle. The master-slave model has given way to a peer model. Some people (bigots?) may argue in favor of the older model, but we would obviously be better off analyzing the current model than wasting time brooding over an obsolete model. Cheers In the spirit of analyzing things, the current model is associated with a high rate of documented marital dysfunction. If there is still a concern over broken families, bitter divorce proceedings, and general social dysfunctionality, then it seems only reasonable to look into other paradigms of marriage above and beyond the current "meet, have sex, and get married if its good for you" approach. On the other hand, if no one really cares anymore about the integrity of the family unit and the ephemeral nature of modern, romantic liasons, then it goes without saying that you will have nothing but contempt for other ways of doing things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffster Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I don't know where I heard this, but in Kali yuga the women are not chaste and the men are not qualified. We do the best with what we have. However, somewhere, the qualities of a good woman are delineated, several qualities, I remember only one which I think is "sweet speech." jeffster/AMD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I don't know where I heard this, but in Kali yuga the women are not chaste and the men are not qualified. We do the best with what we have. However, somewhere, the qualities of a good woman are delineated, several qualities, I remember only one which I think is "sweet speech." jeffster/AMD Taking out the best of a bad bargain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffster Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Yes, best of a bad bargain, that's for sure. Just having a physical body is the bad bargain, and we're so illusioned that we demand a good mate as well. jeffster/AMd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffster Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Of course, we can't just artificially renounce our material desires. "What good does repression accomplish? " asks Gita, I believe. But we must moderate our desires and attempt to dovetail them with the wishes of Guru & Krishna. For a householder, that would mean marriage and begetting children who could be instilled with KC values. jeffster/AMd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amlesh Posted July 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Yes, best of a bad bargain, that's for sure. Just having a physical body is the bad bargain, and we're so illusioned that we demand a good mate as well. jeffster/AMd Yes, it's true. What are needed to overcome are those desires, replaced by the Intense Love for Madhusudan. Unfortunately, even for that I helpless, I depend on Him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffster Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 We are fully dependent upon Him under all circumstances, whether we are full of material desires, whether we have no material desires, or whether we are mixed, that is, have bhakti tinged with karma, yoga or jnana. Learning to serve purely appears to be a gradual process for most of us. jeffster/AMd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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